Thursday, March 14, 2013

Day 299 - Desiring Gratitude pt2



Here I am continuing on what I wrote in my previous post.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this point of wanting gratitude from my partner for what I have taught him is like a symptom of a greater pattern where I still hide from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can stop my mind without getting to the core of this pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of pride when I see that my partner has obtained the skill I have taught him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this pride is to do with me drawing on his accomplishment to confirm my ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be motivated to give of myself unless I can get something back that confirms my ego, in support of the self-definitions and the picture I have of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need recognition for my work by the system and the people in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this desire for gratitude is part of a greater desire for recognition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand how the need for recognition and the picture I have of myself hang together - although I realise that in my case it is to do with the lack of self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realise that self-trust is at the core of the desire for recognition yet, within this I am only allowing myself partial realisations on the topic which keeps me cycling within this program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that when I get recognition there is a temporary relief from the belief that I am a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go hunting for recognition because I want momentary relief from the thoughts by which I define myself and which in essence are self-critical and self-diminishing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the self-diminishment as my ‘normal’ state, not realising that this is a program that runs in all beings and that I / we have accepted as me/us from childhood because we have created a monetary and economic system of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I can change the illusion I have of myself. 

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