Monday, March 11, 2013

Day 297 - Desire and Collaboration pt 2






In this post I continue what I started to write about on day 292


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind to establish a responds in my mind - to the person I was intending to collaborate with - I vent my anger indirectly over their non-responsive communication style, instead of looking at my self-responsibility why i experience myself in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to separate myself through the statements I am going - and that I have already formulated in my mind -  and thus I do not really want to collaborate but want to impose my way of communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor resentment because my collaborator does not respond with commitment to the situation and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that S wants me to treat him in the way that he expects women to treat him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat in how i am going to address the situation instead of breathing and opening up communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have an opportunity to stop me from wanting to control my environment, and stop myself from making a decision out of desire and instead of evaluating the practical reality that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by suppressing myself instead of forgiving the anger I am experiencing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don’t know how to best deal with this situation, so that my behaviour and my decisions are best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations within myself instead of breathing here and taking on my self rather than placing expectation on someone else, who I do not really know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a crutch instead of directing myself and consider any potential collaboration only as that - a potential.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try to find a reason why S is not responding to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fix my power on an external element instead of trusting in myself and in my power to move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not done self-forgiveness on this particular desire, which is the subject of the collaboration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to my desire instead of seeing the practical implications of the collaboration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to recreate a past experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to use my mind to understand the overall situation and the pattern I have created within it not realising that this is my sabotage tactic so that I don't have to a) do SF on the desire and b) can suppress the disappointment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have invested myself into a particular desire so that I block my self-trust and common sense. 



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