Thursday, February 21, 2013

Day 280 - Mood isn't who I am pt.1



Recently I have noticed how I am developing "a gloomy" mood. I can pinpoint when this feeling arises and the thoughts that follow from it. I am now in the position of stopping it, the mood, by stopping the thoughts. I am not yet in the position of actually "seeing" what the initial, triggering thoughts look like which is why I am writing this out here. What exactly 'brings' on this heaviness, where does it come from?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see life as a struggle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must push myself to participate in various activities because they are good for advancing myself in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life in 'my corner' where I am not interacting - as much - with others is the ideal place to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare all other situations to the one of me "in my corner" where I am just by myself working, writing, or doing whatever with myself without interaction with the rest of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being comfortable in what I am doing is an indication of being "at home" with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that "at home" with myself is a real place not realising that this is a program I have accepted as me, a program I have used to protect myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity within myself to use fear and non-movement to keep myself trapped in a program that 'feels better' than everything else I perceive myself as having to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid change by wanting to go into the "mood" where I don't want to participate in the world and want to stay within my world because I believe that this is the better place to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that "where" I am and "how" I am in the world is either good or bad, or some type of effort or no effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am putting an effort out there to "make" my life and focus on solutions that I am doing to be a good thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life constantly judging my activities as good or bad, or effortless or full of effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within polarisation and to evaluate how I move in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of my mother telling me that she did not get enough done in one day, and that she is always playing catch up with what has to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined achievement, struggle, effort and perseverance within the memory of my mother telling me that she did not get enough done in one day and that she's always playing catch up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that achievement, struggle, effort, and perseverance are here as me equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have to have a reason to feel good or bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my reasons for feeling good or bad are valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a reason to feel and emote.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing who I am if I don't feel or emote.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given the value of life to feeling and emotions. 

0 comments:

Post a Comment

 
Copyright © . Is life possible without the mind? - Posts · Comments
Theme Template by BTDesigner · Powered by Blogger