Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Day 271 - I don't want that responsibility

I noticed that there are aspects to my life where I do not take responsibility or I allow myself to not take responsibility as a way to relax from all my responsibilities. This point of letting another take responsibility while I relax can be in very small ways, for example letting someone else navigate the way that is neither known to me nor to them. Already, I see in the usage of my words, "letting another take responsibility for navigating us" that I have an idea of responsibility, which is more about controlling my environment and less about my ability to respond. My ability to respond, in case of the point described above, requires for me to have the information of where I am going - this is the enabler for my ability to respond. Other situations will be predicated by different "materials or information" as building blocks for me to respond - for me to be responsible. In the example above, it's clear that I need preparation, that is looking up the streets that will lead to the destination where I and my partner want to go to. In the actual situation I did not look up the path and I only bothered to ask my partner if he knew how to get to our destination, and then I followed.

So what is the difference between controlling my environment and being able to respond to my environment? When controlling my environment, I still need to go through the motion of gathering the information, but then I place a 1:1 ratio on getting the information and executing the information without considering the context of the situation. It's about me forging a path with the information instead of collaboratively stitching it together as part of the fabric of interaction. The controlling point is the self-interest approach, I get (the information) I apply (the information), whereas as a responsible being I get (the information) I have the information at my disposal when needed. This leaves room for sharing with others who also have information that gives them the ability to respond. Therefore, to take responsibility means to be an equal contributor to a situation by making sure that I have what it takes to respond.

Similarly, I noticed that professionally I stay away from certain roles that demand responsibility because "I don't want to get involved - it's too much responsibility". I rather stay where I am and not bother. While I recognise this as backchat and beliefs, it clearly shows, again, that I have a misconception about what it means to be responsible versus controlling. So therefore when I feel I can't control the situation and will have potential problems that might fall back on me, I avoid the situation all together. Ah... Time to let it go!


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