Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Day 265 - The Pre-emptive Character, or how to set up a filter within myself that yells "fire"






I realise that I have created another character that wants to stop backchat and expectations because I realise that through the voices in my head and the projection of how I want my future to be, I am manipulating myself to not get what I want. So, to ensure that I get what I want this character comes in like a filter and flags the thoughts for me that have "self-defeating properties", alerting me to stop the thought but not from the starting point of breath but from the starting point of fear of unfulfilled desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a character that is becoming alert of the moments when I realise that I am thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a created a character that flags for me the thoughts that have "self-defeating properties" and labels these as “dangerous to my desire”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a character that through the filtering of my thoughts and labelling them as dangerous creates emotional charges of fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a character that responses to these anxieties by quicklying searching for diversion, to concentrate on my work for example, or to do something practical that will allow me submerge or extinguish the “dangerous to my desire” thoughts quickly and move me off this "line of thinking".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a character that is dishonest, in where I am looking to underhandedly manipulate myself within my self-manipulation to get what it is that I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a created a character that utilises anxiety which I realise has been a point I have charged a lot in the past, and is a point I have been walking in the recent months.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into believing that there is common sense in this approach because I believe that if I walk in breath I will never get to do the things I want to do - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep my attachment to the picture of myself instead of standing equal and one to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that creating anxiety towards my own backchat and future projections will create another dimension of separation instead of standing equal to my backchat and future projections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised in this self-manipulation I am showing to myself that I do not accept my backchat/future projections as me, as who I am and thus I do not accept that the world is abusive and corrupt, and within that I realise that my non-acceptance of the reality "as is" means that I do not want to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to this realisation with disappointment in myself because I realise that I have cheated myself to get what I want. 

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