Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Day 258 - Train ride: don't sit next to me pt1




I regularly take a commuter train. It's been hell, or so I perceive it. It's usually packed and usually late. In the morning, still in the dark, there is a long line of people at the platform and everyone wants to have a comfortable seat and most, like me, want to work while on the train. That's a tall order. When the train stops some "clever" ones, like myself 'haha', have figured out that there are still empty seats all the way up front of the train. So as soon as the train stops a herd of mostly men and some women will run to the front to get in first. Then they can get that comfy seat where they can pull out their laptop, newspaper, book or whatever else activity that requires use of the little table that is located between the four seats. We are talking about these kind of open plan trains where the tables are tiny and can only accommodate one person. 

As soon as one has managed to have a fairly comfortable seat because the seats are laid out in such a manner that one really needs two seats to be comfortable, the next point of friction is the next big station. Those who take this route regularly, know that the train will be flooded with more people who are all going to the same destination. Once I have a spot and I am working, nevertheless struggling with the space I have, I find myself having all kinds of reactions to the next "flood" of people - this is when I stand to loose the seat next to me which makes my corner comfortable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting a seat on the train, where I can sit comfortably and work and make the best of the time I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when I have a comfy seat and I am in the flow working that at the next stop I will loose my comfort because someone will sit next to me and then it will be too tight for both of us to be comfortable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the person who will sit next to me is large and will spill over into my seat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to struggle with maintaining a corner on the table because the other person is a guy who does not want to move his newspaper. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not able to have a pleasant train ride because I will be so squished that I can't move for the entire train ride.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am sitting across someone who has nothing to do and will stare at me the whole ride. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the person next to me wears too much perfume.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that at the next stop people will sit close to me who will be talking non-stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing two or more women who want to sit together come close to my area, because then there will be much talking and noise and thus I fear that my earplugs won't be enough. 

I realise that when I stop my fear I remain.

I realise that my fear does not change the circumstances that I am encountering here. 

I realise that I must approach this point in common sense to find the best solution. 

I commit myself to stop fears about the train experience and realise that the only reason I am afraid is because I have habituated myself to identify comfort in a certain manner which I superimpose onto the situation with my expectation. 

I commit myself to stop my fears the moment the train arrives and stop my fear about what is going to happen next. 

I commit myself to walk this point until I have no fears in regards to getting a seat, having preferences about what the seat "feels" like and who is sitting next to me and what they are doing.

1 comments:

  1. Cool - taking a train as well every morning and evening I find this pattern very recognizable. Yes frustration is definately useless in those situations and there is no other solution but to breathe and be practical given the circumstances - as long as we are in the current system where we need to adapt to such limitations.

    ReplyDelete

 
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