Saturday, December 1, 2012

Day 211, 2012 ...more on parents

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have chosen to stay here x number of days because I wanted to prove to myself that I can cope with the situation now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to expose myself to abuse - a decision made from the starting point that I want to portray a different view of who I am and where I come from than what is actually here.

If and when I make decisions about placing myself into a certain context, I evaluate my motivation in self-honesty and stop myself from acting from desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted with fear when exposed to hysteria, obsession and drama.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jeopardise myself through my desires by becoming so unstable that I am unable to operate efficiently.

If and when I am in the position to make decisions about how to approach a situation, I check for the best options to accommodate the goal I need to accomplish - whereby this option is best for all. I commit myself to act in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I must 'endure' a situation for a particular time before I can leave an abusive environment - and in that I accept abuse within and without myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that this was the last time I have to expose myself to this type of abuse.

If and when I want relief from the environment, I realise that I have to take responsibility for having placed myself into this context voluntarily. I commit myself to take responsibility and stop blaming others for my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine will end all this hysteria, obsession and drama.

If and when I make the choice to expose myself to abuse, I stop all judgement and remain here in breath. I commit myself to stop the accumulation of my emotions by writing myself out asap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to imagine that death is salvation for A who is hooked on hysteria, and thus have abused death to separate myself from another.

If and when I have thoughts about others, I realise that I have these thoughts about myself. I commit myself to stop all separation between myself and others no matter what the circumstances are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I just want to get the hell out of the environment I am in.

If and when I want to control others I realise that this is me being afraid. I commit myself to stop all ideas about the behaviour of others and thus only focus on my own behaviour through breathing and self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread any future engagement with this environment.

If and when I anticipate having to come back to this environment, I stop myself from doing so and let go of my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that my close relations cannot know what I am going through.

If and when I want others to know how bad it is, I stop seeing myself as a victim and take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that death will bring freedom for me in some respect.

If and when I am looking to escape an abusive situation, I stop and breathe and realise that this is a form of wanting to relinquish responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat that I only have to come back one more time to pick up my stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat that I have failed to remain stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat asking myself how I managed to survive in this environment previously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat that I don’t have to put myself through this again.

If and when I have backchat about the situation I have chosen to place myself into, I take responsibility all the way through and stop my backchat. I commit myself to stop my backchat by stopping all victimisation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not directed myself when I choose to come here but have followed the desire, which is part of the picture I have of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to come to terms with the situation and make decisions that are self-abusive.

If and when I compare myself to others in regards to this environment, I stop and breathe and stop all separation and points of comparison. I commit myself to realise that there is no better or worse situation, because no one is free and all are entrapped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility and ending the situation for myself.

If and when I have emotions come up of obligation and guilt I stop and breathe, and realise that it’s through my emotions that I remain enslaved. I commit myself to stop myself acting from emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see that things are not so bad, and thus I expose myself to abuse, because I don’t want to accept that my family is not the way I desire it to be.

If and when I am eager to fulfill my desire for a picture perfect family I realise that I have programmed myself to believe that my self-acceptance relies on my family background.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not acted in common sense but have acted in self-interested, and within doing so have abused myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted from a place of wishful thinking when making arrangements to come here, rather than making arrangements that do not require me to abuse myself.

If and when I am in a similar situation again, I stop and breathe. I clear myself and act from a starting point of self-honesty. I commit myself to stop all self-sabotage regarding the reasons I give myself when I make decisions to come here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have feared that my partner would not accept me if I could not present pleasant family ties.

If and when I project my lack of self-acceptance onto my partner, I realise that I am not trusting myself. I commit myself to clear myself in self-honesty and identify all areas where I still don’t trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still not want to accept that this is what I am facing regarding the blood relationships I have in this world.

If and when I can’t accept my blood relations, I stop myself from separating myself from others and realise that all is me and I am all. I commit myself to accept my blood relations and understand that all relations are equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the belief that there is something that I can save me.

If and when I want to be saved by god I stop myself and realise where I am not taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the mind is cruel and destructive regardless what type of relationships is involved.

If and when I am trusting the mind, I stop myself and return my awareness to breath. I commit myself to consistently bring my awareness to the present moment. I commit myself to physically write out all decisions and stop working them out in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel drained and exhausted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel confused and dizzy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately abuse myself by immersing myself into these circumstances.

If and when I place myself in an abusive situation I rectify the situation as asap. I commit myself to walk out of my mind.


I commit myself to take responsibility for the consequences I create and make myself aware of what I have to do to change the situation and walk the change.

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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Day 210, 2012 Self-sabotage: ending the belief to be exempt from creating consequences

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 If and when I come to a point where I make a decision in how to proceed I check within myself whether I am taking responsibility to have absolute clarity on the point, and if not then I backtrack right there and then, to verify all aspects of the situation - and only when then this is done I proceed. I commit myself to stop myself from brushing past information, leaving information behind that is not crystal clear to me, and by stopping myself from doing so I use facts to proceed and not assumptions.

If and when I believe that there is too much effort involved in taking the extra step to verify each aspect of the situation, I stop myself and realise that this effort is nothing in comparison to the consequences I create if I were to work from assumptions. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that any and all beliefs about an 'extra effort', as it is a mind fuck and a form of self-sabotage and I stop.

If and when fear arises in my mind about taking responsibility and the quality of my life, I stop and breath and see, realise and understand that the mind will do anything to keep itself alive. I commit myself stop listening to my mind, and realise that it does not have to be a struggle to walk out of my mind.

If and when I am living a future that is certain brings up scary thoughts I stop and breathe, and see, realise and understand that a future that is certain is what is needed to create a world that is best for all. I commit myself to become the change that is needed to create a world that is best for all.

If and when I have the fear arise within me that I am going to be committed in the way I act I stop and breathe and slow myself down. I see, realise and understand the changing my mind is how I allow myself to self-sabotage. I commit myself to stop all self-sabotage.

If and when I fear that I have missed my chance to take self-responsibility, I stop and breathe and slow myself down and stop all feelings of regret.

If and when I want to blame someone else for my responsibilities, I stop and breathe and realise that I am trapping myself and that there is only one solution which is to stop myself.

If and when I distract myself from myself through the creation of destructive consequences, I stop and breathe and immediately rectify what can be rectified. I commit myself to stop abusing myself because of the negative energy charge I get from causing fear for myself.

If and when I try to procrastinate about a situation I stop myself and pick up the pieces asap and do not let the situation unfold based on assumptions. I commit myself to stop all assumptions.

If and when I have backchat that portrays me as if I am not a participant in my decisions, I stop myself and breathe, and realise that I was indeed not present when I acted from the point of fear of taking responsibility. I commit myself to stop all disclaimers and stop all backchat.

If and when I experience anger and disappointment about me not taking responsibility, I stop myself from letting anger and disappointment go on, I recognise these emotions for what they are and let them go. I commit myself to stop holding on to anger and disappointment. 

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Monday, November 26, 2012

Day 209, 2012 Self-sabotage: The belief to be exempt from destructive and disruptive consequences

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 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility and have therefore programmed myself with the belief that I am exempted from the consequences I create for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility because I fear the effort involved and therefore rather base my information/knowledge on assumptions, without understanding the ensuing consequences that I am creating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility and thus will end my mind, living a life without excitement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility because when I do I will create a future that is certain, and this will stop producing fear within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility because then I can no longer change my mind and am committed in how I must act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences that I have created by not taking responsibility, and thus I fear myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility because I can blame someone else when things don't work out.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing who I really am and thus create situations where create I destructive consequences for myself, so that I can distract myself from myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I will be able to patch up what has gone wrong.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I will clarify the situation/information when I get closer to the point where I actually need it, in order to work with it, not realising that in the meantime I must build my life around decisions that are based on assumptions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat asking myself "what have you done", as if I am not a participant in my decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat where I am putting myself down because I have created consequences for myself.

I forgive myself htat I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat where I am asking myself "why are you doing this?" because I don't want see my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anxiety inside of myself about the nature of the consequences that I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger towards myself about the consequences that I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with disappointment towards myself, because I experience myself as repeating this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contract my muscles, specifically in my solar plexus area.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to press my lips together so as to deny myself to speak.

I forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to not realise that when I do not take responsibility, I leave the door open for unfathomed consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences on many levels, which are in essence unknown in the moment when I make the decision about how I act within a situation - yet I fear the unknown, the future, not realising that I actually create the future with every decision I make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that fear is something I accept because of the behaviours I have create through the way I have programmed myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised that I am perfectly capable to create my life, where i am the driving force of the future through my self-directed behaviour and not allow fear and anxiety to motivate and direct me.

Commitment statements will follow.  
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