Saturday, October 27, 2012

Day 183, 2012 Never good enough: What I am listening to...

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This post is a continuation in the series of posts where I investigate the "I am not good enough" character. Here I continue with the backchat dimension.




As I am getting ready to write my post here, I can see how deeply ingrained this character's thoughts are because my first backchat that comes up is: "I wonder if I can list all the thoughts related, or will I miss some..."

It's interesting how not being good enough is also part of our educational system and in that we train ourselves to always question our ability no matter the simplicity or complexity of the activity. This is not critical thinking of course, this is a form of self-sabotage so that we remain in fear and stop any self-change. To this extend, I can see that this character makes a dominant appearance throughout people's life and has been mistakingly identified as a 'healthy way to go about things' - and this is also what I see in academia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to list all thoughts here related to the "I am not good enough" character and in that show myself, as I am beginning the task of writing my daily post, that I am 'ruled' by believing the task at hand is probably not executed in a perfect manner - whereby I show myself that I cannot just accept that I list all my thoughts here and if there are more thoughts that come up at some other time, I will write self-forgiveness about those thoughts there and then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought: "This is totally over my head" exist within me and that I believe this thought as part of the "I am not good enough" character I play - whereby I do not realise that whatever is here is all part of me, equal and one - nothing can be more or less except my perception of it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "I have never done this before" exist within me as part of the "I am not good enough" character that I play - whereby I realise that I have taught myself to project anything unknown as being negative, difficult and less than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought: "This is too much to do all by myself" exist within me as part of the "I am not good enough" character that I play - whereby I realise that I am not helpless but that I use helplessness within the belief that I am separated from the world and that I must fight for my survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "It seem like you need so much expertise to be good at this, I am not there yet" as part of the "I am not good enough character that I play - whereby I realise that I make assumptions about everything I do and built up expectations based on these assumptions instead of just being here breathing and moving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "There are others who have so much more to offer than me" as part of the "I am not good enough character" that I play - whereby I realise that each one of us has different things to contribute to any situation, and in that all create the whole in oneness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "Surely, he or she is just saying that, they don't mean it" as part of the "I am not good enough" character that I play - whereby I realise that I 'use' a statement made by another to charge the "I am not good enough" character instead of remaining here stable, breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "If I could, I would" as part of the "I am not good enough" character that I play - whereby I realise that I stop my participation in a number of activities because I believe my backchat - and dwell on the illusion and to not have to move myself.

I commit myself to stop setting myself up with fears of not being good enough in any task I do and just do what I need to do and get on with it. 

I commit myself to stop myself from listening to my mind chatter and believing it instead of just letting the thoughts pass by and get on with the task at hand. 

I commit myself to stop tempting myself to believe that my assumptions and expectations are safe, if they are coming from a negative place, and thus I have all the more reason to believe that is being said in my head. 

I commit myself to realise that any form of helplessness that I display is an avoidance manoeuvre and requires me to investigate where I do not want to take responsibility.

I commit myself to stop any and all comparison which enables me to draw the conclusion of not being good enough. 


[Continue reading...]

Day 182, 2012 Never good enough: It's all in my imagination

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This post is a continuation in the series of post on the "I am not good enough" character which I began to deconstruct on Day 179. Here, I am looking at the imagination dimension.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project in my mind a future of events that mirror to me outcomes where I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself attempting to do things that are of value to the world so that I have a purpose, a mission, from which I embark in this world to achieve a status or position that then illustrates my value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify and judge how I navigate in the world according to the 'classification' of the world system, so that I choose and pick to pursue things that have challenges and rewards, so that I can climb a mental/physical/emotional mountain from which I can tell my Self "I am good enough" for this and that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave all that which does not have a beneficial value for making me feel good enough out of my imaginary projection, and thus separate my Self from humanity, and all the abuse and misery that I have caused as a participant on planet earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that to seek to identify with aspects of the system - in my imagination - that would give me the satisfaction to 'feel' good enough about myself is how I keep myself occupied and blind to changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be caught in a loop within my imagination where on the one hand I pick out the activities/actions/endeavours that add 'value' to me and make me good enough, on the other hand I see myself failing, struggling, incomplete or incapable of reaching a final, successful outcome and in doing so I keep being stuck and entrapped within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to often project what kinds of tasks are involved in a particular activity and based on this imagination I decide that I am unable to pursue this activity further where I in my imagination I match the skill needed with the self-value I have and will then use this 'unreal' equation to come up with a negative answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions about anything in reality that I do not know about because I use my imagination, and thus permit myself to always have a negative default which tells me that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my imagination to create nested assumptions where I imagine what is involved in a particular task, and thus I do not want to involve myself because I see myself as not good enough to successfully complete the task, whereby I further imagine that I don't have a choice to just try and do the task - as I cannot first wait and see what is coming my way and then decide whether I can do it, because at that point it will be too late to make such a statement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use imagination to manipulate myself and create absurd thoughts that I believe to be true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cloud my common sense using my imagination so that I obscure any practical ways to measure - in common sense - my disposition in a particular activity or endeavour.

I commit myself to projecting future events in how I script an act or a movement or feeling for myself and instead I stop myself from going there in my mind and breath here and move myself in the physical world.

I commit myself to stop evaluating my future activities from the point of 'value in the system' where I act like a puppet on a 'mental' string to fulfil the system agenda, my pre-programmed design.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that all activities in the system are equal in their value when I am one and equal to the system.

I commit myself to take responsibility for all that which I discard because I cannot see value in it and within that I realise that as long as I seek value in the external world I am an abuser because I exist within polarisation.

I commit myself to stop looping in my imagination where I project activities of value to me, and my inability and incompetence regarding these activities - persistently looping between the two dimensions.

I commit myself to stop projecting the content of any situation in my mind as future scenarios where I fail in some shape or form.

I commit myself to eliminate the belief and the acting as the character that is "not good enough" and learn make decisions based on pure, solid common sense rooted in practical reality.
[Continue reading...]

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Day 181,2012 Never good enough: What was I thinking?

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This post is a continuation from my last post in the series of posts deconstructing the "I am not good enough" character. Here I am addressing the thought dimension.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have one thought in my mind in relation to what I am doing or about to do where I am failing, struggling, fighting to complete, to finish or succeed in my work, task or activity, and within that thought I identify myself as who I am, whereas I do not give myself the opportunity to begin and proceed that which I set out to do, instead I focus from the onset on failure, incompletion - that I have missed the objective, have not understood the objective, have taken too long to complete the objective - and finally as result I have shown myself that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me sitting on my desk for hours, stuck on the same task because I am not understanding what I need to do, or how I need to do it because I am not good enough. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me standing in front of a crowd and holding a microphone about to give a talk and not knowing what to say because I am not good enough at giving talks. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of myself where I hand some papers in, at some important either learning or testing situation, and the person looking at the papers is shaking their head, and looking at me with sad eyes, and is communicating to me that this is not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me standing in a class room teaching and seeing all the students' faces with frowns on them because they cannot understand what I am talking about because my explanations are not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of myself talking with someone, and they repeatedly ask me to clarify what I am saying, because I am not explaining myself good enough. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me starting to write out a point in self-honesty and seeing myself finishing up my writing, and afterwards re-reading what I have written and realising that I missed many points because I am not good enough at process. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me standing in a row with many other people for some sort of selection, and one person after the other is being called by their name, and after hours of this going on I am left with a few others as we did not make the cut - we were not good enough. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of myself applying for a job and receiving a notice that I was not selected because my work was not good enough. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of myself talking to my partner and he shaking his head repeatedly to what I say and keeps on saying "that's not good enough".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me sitting at a table and being distressed because everything I try does not work out - because I am not good enough. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me wanting to start my yoga session but being so distracted that I walk out of the room because I am not good enough in keeping the focus on the task at hand. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me where I try to configure some electronic equipment and am not able to make it work because I am not good enough in understanding how the components fit together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me where I am trying to compose a song and am having difficulty hearing my composition because it is barely audible as I am not good enough at composing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me where I am writing a paper for one of the best journals but the paper does not make the peer review because the paper was not good enough. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me where I am collaborating to write a paper but we do not move forward in our efforts because I am not good enough in directing the efforts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of me where I try to work on one of my ideas but fail because I am taking too long, or because I have other things that come and interrupt me, or I am facing too many technical problems - because I am not good enough at managing the translation of the idea into physical reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture of myself where I am crawling up a hill on my hands and feet, sweating, dirty and exhausted, never reaching the top because I am not good enough.

I commit myself to if and when I am getting frustrated with myself  because I am creating the "I am not good enough" character I stop  myself, I slow down and breathe, whereby I render myself physically into the physical reality so that I am aware of my body and me being in this physical reality, thoughtless, self-directed, completing the task in simplicity.

I commit myself to stop all pictures/thoughts related to the act of starting something new, where I identify myself with not being good enough to get the task/activity done in the best possible manner.

I commit myself to breathe and clear my starting point every time I start something new so that I am not allowing for the million-miles-a-second thought blitz in my mind to create a belief that I am not able to create what I intend because I am not good enough.

I commit myself to stop all jeopardising manoeuvres where I am creating the outcome of a situation based on the belief that I am not good enough.

I commit myself to acknowledge that I am the one who is in charge of what I create and therefore I am the one to take responsibility for ending this character.



[Continue reading...]

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Day 180, 2012 Never good enough: I commit to trust.

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In this post and the posts to follow I am deconstructing the "I am not good enough character". Previously I rendered the fear dimension visible to myself, now I am following up with commitment statements.






I commit myself to stop believing my fears of how I am not good enough for that which I am about to embark upon, whether that be something I know how to do or something I learn to do.

I commit myself to stop believing my fears of how I am not good enough and the moment I realise that such a thought is entering my mind, I stop myself by taking a deep breath and putting my awareness in my extremities so that I make contact with my fingertips and how they touch the physical world or simply feel my arms hanging next to my body, and I feel my toes in my shoes, and how my feet touch the ground.

I commit myself to stop believing my fears that I must constantly improve myself and strive to better myself in every way, and in that I enjoy who I am in this moment of breath and enjoy the process of self-change, without looking at it through the lens that I am not good enough but realise that the process of changing is a process of release from what I have created as limitation and entrapment.

I commit myself to stop believing my fears of not being good enough and in that I stop all self-defeat which hinges on the comparison with others, whereby I first must evaluate others to compare myself and judge myself as not good enough, and wherein I realise that if I stop evaluation all together I can realise that each person and all that is here is just a facet of me.

I commit myself to stop believing myself that I am not deserving enough to have a comfortable life in which I can walk my process and create a place for me in this world that is supportive of walking my process, and thus I now take it as a given that these things are open to me and my part is to accumulate the points in the physical to make it happen.

I commit myself to stop believing my fears and start to trust in my Self instead of placing my trust into the validation by others and in that I am free to pursue whatever it is that I am pursuing without expectation that I must be better than what I am in this moment, and in doing so I realise that even if this is in the context of having another approve of what I do - I don't identify with the judgement and realise that this the system we have created and that I, for the moment, must work within the system as it is.

I commit myself to stop believing my fears that I am not good enough to initiate and develop the ideas that I have because I realise that these fears are not real and that I am sabotaging myself not only in expressing these ideas but also in learning the skills that are necessary to do so - therefore I assess what I need to do in common sense, which skills will enable me to develop my ideas and I will pursue all related activities in common sense.

I commit myself to stop believing my fears in relation to my agreement and look at the evidence, as the stability I have within the agreement and stop doubting that this stability is temporary, because I realise that what I am reflecting here is the programming from my parental relationships where there was never any stability - and thus I stop projecting my memories and past experiences onto my agreement partner.
[Continue reading...]

Day 179, 2012 Never good enough: Fear & self-acceptance.

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In this post and the posts to come, I will deconstruct the "I am not good enough" character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not good enough to receive all that is here in this world and that I first must prove myself to be worthy of the value that is given to each object and activity in this world - and that I can only prove myself by constantly working towards a betterment from the perspective of performance: where I improve my studies, improve my skills, improve my knowledge, improve my relationships, improve my work habits, improve my body and appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this fear is a constant companion and that no matter how much I try to better myself and to meet the expectation of the world around me - as I perceive them and impose on others as well - there is no end to this fear of not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being good enough and within that I perceive everyone else as being so much better than me, which starts a cycle of self-defeat where I allow myself give into resistances that lead to cancellation of me participating in the various ways in group activities and societal endeavours, because I fear from the onset that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being good enough and thus I do not deserve to have a comfortable life but must be plagued by insecurities always only with the potentialities of having a comfortable life as long as I can fight against not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the "I am not good enough" character which hovers over me like a cloud and penetrates all aspects of my life, leading me to fear myself and give up on trusting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being good enough and within that I realise that this fear has become me - it is a wall that keeps me from getting to know myself and keeps me from developing an intimate relationship with myself, because as soon as I start looking into myself the wall of "I am not good enough" hits me and I give up on going past this wall and finding out who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself freely because when I do I immediately check how others receive what I am expressing, and in this I start judging myself as not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others because I fear that they find out that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that to 'not fear' is simply to trust myself and to stop judging myself which is the first step to stop running in the cycle of doing and creating and at the same time never creating anything that is from the source that is Self but only creating from the fear that I have to be better than what I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that self-trust is to close the gap that I create between myself and the world around me, where I stand in opposition of all that is here and while maintaining this opposite stance, at the same time, I lower myself into a place so that, as a result, all that is beyond the gap becomes unreachable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that fearing not being good enough is a selfish character because it means in real terms that I do not have to take responsibility because I don't count, as I am not good enough, and in that I deny being a participant in creating this system, this world we live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the fear of not being good enough is a character I play, which is not real but which keeps conforming to others as I am struggling to be validated by others to be good enough, and in doing so I reiterate all the abuse, manipulation and corruption in the entire world instead of standing up as a Self that sees that things must change and that this starts with me accepting that I am good enough and that I am equally responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being good enough because I have programmed myself since childhood to believe that my parents were right in assessing that I wasn't good enough and that I now can blame my parents for having developed the character "I am not good enough".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others because at every encounter, when meeting a new person, I must stand my ground by keeping the fear "I am not good enough" to a minimum, and thus I have programmed myself to avoid meeting lots of new people which impacts situations where I am in need to go out into the world and meet new people - and so I struggle by creating an inner conflict and to overcome my resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to develop my ideas because I fear I am not good enough so that it will take a lot of time to get anywhere, and I will end up wasting my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning skills I'd like to learn because I fear that I am not good enough to learn these skills, and that I will struggle and that it will take ages for me to get anywhere, and thus I fear wasting my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not enough as a partner in my agreement, and that one day I will be presented with the consequence of not being good enough as agreement partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not good enough to make it in academia and that as a result I will not make good money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe at times that i am not good enough to walk out of my mind and become life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough to change myself and thus change the world so it becomes and is best for all.

In the next post I will write the commitment statements.  
[Continue reading...]

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Day 178, 2012 Not all symbols are equal: my use of the comma

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I realised that I don't write always in the same manner. I have ways of writing that depend on the situation and the context of my writing. I write with much deliberation when I write a blog- this one or any other one. I write with care and make sure that all is clearly written to get the message across to myself and others. Yesterday I realised that I write sloppy when I am in chat or on skype, or in emails where I am communicating with a colleague about a project. I don't put much care into making sure that the sentence is phrased in the best possible way, or that I use the comma. In fact, in these situations I consider the comma as expendible. I see it as an attribute that I can do without. I justify this with having to type fast and permit myself to strip the comma from my sentences.

However, as we all know a little comma here and there can change the meaning of a sentence, and writing without a comma makes a sentence difficult to read for someone else. It creates obstruction in the communication flow when the other has to stop to decipher what is being said. The comma is the written indicator for a break when we speak, when take a breath we place a comma in writing. We don't string words one after the other without pausing, we pause deliberately. 

I stop my habit of neglecting the comma in specific situations, and realise that I have programmed myself in this way. The program I have accepted as me reflects one of those details that we allow ourselves to exist as and which eventually accumulate and create consequences. By standing equal to my comma, I stop creating ambiguous sentences and make my communication flow at all times - and so I will do what I would like to receive: communication where I, as the reader, am considered when another communicates with me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that commas are lesser symbols when I write and that I have an option to leave them out when I decide to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by time, where I believe communication goes faster if I shortcut the marks on the screen needed to communicate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that all communication has to be equal for me to be equal, and that I cannot be more or less equal depending on the context.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always been aware of my resistance to using commas in specific contexts but have never realised that my choice to use or not use the comma in this manner affects my communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have positioned myself in superiority over the symbols and marks of language because I believe that I know well enough how to write and use them effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions about how well a sentence is written for me to read it and understand, but to not consider any other reader besides myself when I write to communicate with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down and stop making time an excuse for my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that my neglect of comma usage is rooted in self-interest, in the memories that I have build up and which direct me instead of me directing me in what I allow and accept to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that details like the way I use the comma in the various situations of writing are important to understand from the perspective of self-honesty, because all that ever counts is the content here in one breath- that is all I can every be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have been taught to overlook the details of how I interact with the world around me because as a society we have decided that those details are insignificant, and that it's most important to be goal-oriented and focus on the big things in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for shortcuts in my writing not realising that shortcuts are a sign of our society where we cut ourselves off from each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall that when I learned to write the alphabet other symbols such as comma, semi-colon and so forth were treated in separation which led me to believe that they are of lesser importance to overall communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give written symbols a value - and thus exist in polarisation with the visual depiction of language.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that a comma represents a written breath and in that I am not recognising the importance of breath in my existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when I exist in equality as the written symbols of language, no judgement and thus no value attribution is necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have to see the consequences, namely misunderstandings and non-understandings, to address this point in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop the belief that there are valid shortcuts at any level of my existence.

I commit myself to stop judging situations in which I communicate through writing as needing more or less effort in making sure that what I am saying is clear and succinct - and treat every situation of communication equally.

I commit myself to continue to investigate the flow of my communication to uncover all inequalities that I accept and allow to exist when I write.

I commit to integrate the comma and all other symbols that are used in written language as equal components when communicating in writing.

I commit myself to stop all excuses which I used to justify my behaviour, no matter what level of detail.

I commit myself to continue to investigate myself in self-honesty until each word that I utter or write is the living word. 
[Continue reading...]

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Day 177, 2012 Reacting and behaving in response to taking things personally

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react defensively towards another's communication (or another's non-communication) with me because I take what is being said personally in that I believe that the person aims at devaluing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I give value to myself alone - and if this is any other way then it is me giving someone else permission to create value for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that my reactions are in response to what happens in the mind and not in actual reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in my communications with others and take things personally, and thus to not value myself as Self but seek to find value in the external world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in words and deeds, in response to taking things personally, and by doing so initiate ways to separate myself from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mind and thus to the emotional charge that I have generated by taking things personally and in doing so I have missed my opportunity to see things for what they are and improve my communication from the point of common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with emotions in response to taking things personally where my body is permeated with a sort of 'shockwave' to the words and body postures/gestures of the other, who I am reacting too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the reactions I create by taking things personally cause me to trap myself deeper in my mind, by creating more distance between me and the physical reality that is here - which does not judge nor evaluate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that taking things personally is me reacting in wanting to be better than the person I am reacting too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that my reaction is a form of competition for attention - with myself - where I am competing to get a favourable attention from the person I am communicating with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in disappointment when the person I am communicating with does not fulfil my expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react defeated when I am not being acknowledged for my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design my behaviour as response to what my mind tells me about the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use what my mind tells me, regarding the situation that I am taking personally, and store it in my memory bank.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store a memory about someone else - who's words I have taken personally - in my memory bank and use this memory to create an association to the person about their behaviour and not mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the memory I have created as a real perspective of the situation whereby the act of doing, of creating the memory and using the memory, solidifies my self-entrapment.

I commit myself to stop reacting to what is beings said by taking it personally and stop creating physical changes in my body.

I commit myself to stop the storage of situations in memory, where I take things personally and stop myself as soon as I realise that I take a situation personally by speaking self-forgiveness and looking at what occurred in common sense.

I commit myself to stop creating behaviour based on beliefs that emerge from my mind.

I commit myself to investigate situations where communication does not go smoothly from the point of common sense.

I commit myself to consistently improve my communication with others by being specific and to the point.

I commit myself to solely orient myself on what is here in the physical in all of my communications - a simple mathematical equation, and eschew all other points because they are mind-based and are not real. 
[Continue reading...]

Day 176, 2012 Imagination and backchat that possess me when I take things personally

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use, as a premise for taking things personally, my imagination to imagine the worst case scenario as a default to re-order the elements of the situation and by adding in new elements- so that they together lift off from actual reality and create a reality that exists only in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my imagination to develop a scene on the basis of my communications with another where I take the elements of the situation and spin them out of control where I end up disadvantaged, damaged or otherwise in a 'hole' - which will make my life more difficult and cumbersome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this 'hole' approach to create energetic charges within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that that which I can imagine as worst case scenario can become reality, whereby I ignore the rest of the world entirely and all the actors of the world as equally autonomous, so that I can use my imagination to become possessed about a situation and preoccupy my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince myself that that which I can imagine - as worst case outcome when taking things personally - is reality and thus I must determine my actions and behaviours on this imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself through my imagination where I use the 'power' to imagine to create fears within me in response to taking that which others communicate personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my imagination and to justify doing so in situations where I take things personally, to plan ahead so that I can avoid this perceived worst case scenario.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to stop my imagination when I know perfectly that my imagination never corresponds to what happens in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my ability to imagine to create a wall between myself and that which is happening in my world and use this wall to 'colour' my perception so that I only perceive that which 'fits' into what I am imagining in response to taking things personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that my default imagination about a situation that I take personally will be rooted in me separating myself from the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with backchat when I use a situation to take things personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that in my backchat I will look for division from others and not at that which is our commonality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the backchat I am listening to in my mind is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise the underlying nastiness and spitefulness that comes through with the backchat is something that I allow to exist in the world at large by allowing these internal voices to be in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I do not stop backchat to justify my responses when I take something personally, it will affect my actions in the world in one way or another without me being aware of it - as this is the common sense conclusion of this situation. 

I commit myself to stop my imagination about a situation which I have identified as 'personal attack', where I use the stage of my mind to choreograph a drama in my head - and do this to the extend that I believe it to be true.

I commit myself to stop my imagination in response to my communications with others because I realise that I use imagination to convince myself to separate myself from others.

I commit myself to stop imagination and replace it by common sense rooted in the starting point of equality and oneness and breathing.

I commit myself to stop all backchat and realise that the backchat is an outflow of me allowing to create worst case scenarios in my head in response to taking things personally.

I commit myself to stop all backchat and guide myself by taking things as face value, as they are when they are here, and in that I do not plan or project into time and space that does not exist anywhere but only in my mind.
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