Saturday, October 20, 2012

Day 175, 2012 Thoughts and fears that lead me to take things personal

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek meaning and interpretation in other people's actions instead of being wholly concerned with myself from the point of equally walking here in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others but do not want to be judged myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept judgement as valid and thus judge myself on the premise of someone else' action that I interpret from my programmed 'mentality' in reference to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to categorise and classify that which is said by others instead of just leaving it to be here without any attachment to interpretation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation from another and that is why I must judge what is being said by the other from my point of view, in reference to how I can be more than what I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I react to someone else' behaviour it serves me in some way to become a better person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the reaction of others to guide me instead of me guiding myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that it is my mind which I am listening to and not the other person, when I take things personally, which I do - it is based on my mind's interpretations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat in reaction to someone else' acting in the world and that this backchat then becomes bigger than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that taking things personally is only a mental state if I judge the outcome of my interactions with others as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that whatever I judge as negative is highly subjective and has been programmed into my database of memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that what I experience is from the starting point of fear when I take things personal and not from the starting point of equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not doing, acting and performing in satisfying ways for my world around me, and thus I respond by taking that which is said and which does not corresponds to my expectation as a personal 'attack'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when my world responds to me in ways that do not match what I would like then that will have consequences on my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the world around me as separate to me, while I do not realise that I am my world at all times. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself because I do not know myself and therefore I fear my reaction which are part of my programmed existence but which I have not been aware of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have memories of my mother's reactions to another's responses and her ensuing anger from such a situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used my mother as role model even though I realised that she 'over reacted' to her communications with the world around her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to 'over react' to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise on the example of my mother that these fear reactions are only one's own reactions and that they do not connect to the world around us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mother emotionally - whereas if I had remained here, I would have seen already that all we can ever react to is ourselves. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be affected by other's emotions in reaction to me, when the person is taking things personal, and to avoid being confronted with their programs I have 'adjusted' my response because I know that the other will react - and thus as long as I try to protect the other by making adjustments to my own behaviour I allow myself, in turn, to continue talking things personal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that fearing on one hand that what I say is taken personal by someone else, and on the other hand, reacting in fear to another's communication with me, originates in me not trusting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted from fear not considering my starting point at all times.

I commit myself to stop the fear that surfaces in each act and communication with another which is manifested within me by seeing the potential likelihood that there is a negative meaning to what is being communicated and acted upon.

I commit myself to stop fearing to take pictures and words in without any interpretation by my mind and realise that I miss nothing when I do not interpret the world around me but gain access to my Self by walking here in breath.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that each is in their own reality bubble and that freeing myself from this bubble means that I stop any reading between the lines, or ways of seeing the situation from the standpoint of not trusting myself.

I commit myself to let go of the memories and the preprogrammed ways of existing in the world through self-forgiveness and walking the self-corrective application.

I commit myself to gently stop all thoughts in relation to self-evaluation and continue to walk my process in full awareness.

I commit myself to create a world without fear and judgement by applying myself consistently.

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Friday, October 19, 2012

Day 174, 2012 Untying myself from culture as times gone by

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself with sadness and heaviness about the times I have already lived, evoked by the memories triggered by the death of Sylvia Kristel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view life as looking back on it and thus bound by time instead of realising that life is always here in every moment and cannot be hoarded or accumulated like memories or creations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created attachment to the perception of my physical reality, which I have encapsulated as memories, albeit these are vague, formless, colourless and without context - these memories are only emotions of sadness and loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the acceptance as the world as “times gone by”, as unretrievable moments passed by, whereby this is my acceptance of loss of time and thus loss of life as life is not seen beyond the mind, as simply being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what comes after the physical life, and thus I create emotional responses of regret and longing.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for times that I have defined as good times, when my life was easier, and in that I allow myself to compare and judge what I live in this moment and expose to myself that I am not OK with what I am living here in this moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself based on the cultural acceptance of time and the passing of others as an indicator of the quality of times gone by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to reference images, sounds, objects but also people and their roles as preprogrammed lives as a way to define my life through attachment and ownership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted the idea of culture as valid to measure myself against in every way, instead of realising that through this collective definition we keep the status quo and our enslavement to an abusive system we have created together as ongoing practice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reflecting on culture can help me understand better where I have been and where I am going, whereas I do not see that culture has been used to make the illusions we live by official and deny ourselves to truly change, to step out of our self-created limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to accept cutlure as me and believe that through process I can escape participating in culture not realising that I am the culture I allow to exist and accept.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still search for ways to define and label myself by accepting aspects of culture and rejecting others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in society looking for pieces of culture through which I can live my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into culture in the future, whereby I look for the parts of culture I want to exist in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as my project of the future, and thus expose to myself that I believe that I am not enough.

I commit myself to stop defining myself through the culture around me, through the culture I have existed in, and the culture that I have limited myself by.

I commit myself to stop reminiscing about times gone by and the idea that culture is an indicator of the quality of life that I have had.

I commit myself to stop classifying life through cultural experiences.

I commit myself to stop designing myself as cultural product to create attachments of desirable traits within the cultural context.

I commit myself to examine any beliefs that come up in relation to culture.  



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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Day 173, 2012 My name, the remote control...

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made my name a 'handle' for my emotions and feelings who can be evoked by anyone depending on how they call my name and what energetic charges they exhibit to which I respond, either directly in response to their energetic charges and/or in response to my own memories which are triggered by being addressed by my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an 'oscillating' relationship with my name where I experience in part positive and in part negative perceptions about my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my name as positive, suitable and as expressive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my name as negative, heavy, and as restricting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have memories of my mother calling my name angrily, and me reacting immediately within fear and anxiety of having to face something I am not aware of - and knowing by the tone of my mother's voice that it would entail something she disliked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when my name is spoken by people in authority positions I expect a demand/task/result that is negative for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have disliked people who mispronounced my name or made no effort to pronounce it correctly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with negative judgement to others who are not pronouncing my name with the right accent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike how Germans pronounce my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike how English/Americans pronounce my name - who do not speak any other language than English.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall my mother calling me in the mornings and me reacting to her tone of voice and judging it negatively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as superior to my mother, in my secret mind, which is how I coped with her calling me when she was angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my name has a 'colour' and that 'colour' suits me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for the melody in my name as something to identify myself with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to others positively if the pronounce my name with pleasure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to others positively if they pronounce my name with the right accent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when my partner says my name at times, in that I am reminded how my mother used to call me when she was angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike signing off with only the capital letter of my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with my name and have 'read' definitions into my name - and have labelled these as belonging to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react in fear when my name is called.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my name is more original than other names.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to have a 'good' name is important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that names have meaning.

I commit myself to locate and identify all relevant memories having to do with my name and release all trapped energetic charges that activate me whenever my name is used by another.

I commit myself to stop my name from having impact on my life and realise that my name is nothing more but an identifier for me as a person so that I know that I am being addressed directly.

I commit myself to release all fears about my name, the way it is spoken or written, and stop attributing any meaning to it in any form.


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Day 172, 2012 The falling vegetables and social conditioning

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The other day I was in a store getting my groceries, and right next to me some vegetables fell on the ground, without me having done anything to make it happen. As I picked them up and put them back and while doing so I had a reaction where I wanted to be sure that I was not identified as the guilty party that made the vegetables fall on the ground. It's a silly reaction and totally automated. 

I realise that this is how we are raised to always exist in fear of blame whenever we move about in society. Hence that is also why it's easier not to do anything and walk away from any scene instead of take responsibility for something that happened in one's physical proximity - even though one is not at the source of the occurrence. The bigger notion of such small incidence is that we will ignore thousands of people who are being abused in more than one way, where we do not see our participation as members of  humankind because we don't want to take responsibility in fear of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear others' reaction if I rectify a situation that I did not cause directly but only indirectly by my group participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not act in common sense because I fear another will judge me negatively and make me responsible for something that I did not do but only tried to rectify.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that these types of thoughts incapacitate my where I do not take responsibility for humanity as a group and allow myself to be controlled into non-action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others so much so that I react with guilt when I physically rectifying a situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow individuals/societies influence me and direct my action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take initiative in physical terms to change my environment for the benefit of all because I am not certain in how this will be received by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stand out as the one who does things differently and thus I am more concerned with fitting in than with creating a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of my parents believing other kids instead of me about a broken window - even though it was not me who broke the window because the children just wanted to find a scapegoat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memory of my parents believing a hoard of children that mopped me and accused of breaking a window - even though I only passed by the scene and was not there when it occurred.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define betrayal, resentment, dislike within the memory of my parents believing other kids instead of me about a broken window - even though it was not me who broke the window because the children just wanted to find a scapegoat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from betrayal, resentment, and dislike by defining betrayal, resentment and dislike within the memory of my parents believing a hoard of children accusing me of breaking a window and my parents believing them instead of me - even though it was not me and the kids where looking for a scapegoat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that betrayal, resentment and dislike are here equal and one as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I co-created the situation with the children who mopped me - in that I fled in fear to run home instead of remaining on the spot where I was standing without doubt and fear.

I forgive myself that I have created disappointment in the moment when my parents did not believe me but believed a bunch of strange kids - and where I still resent my parents for not having stood up for me and protected me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for their behaviour, in failing to protect me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a society where no one wants to take responsibility because all fear each other -because everyone fears that their life is implicated where it will cause disruption/work/commitment when someone else makes a decision to stand up and change, to become equal to what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me changing does not impact the greater of society thus there is no point in making an effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the consequences of the world as it exists on the micro - every day level- to the macro - global affairs level is spiralling to ever greater abuse which will end in self-annihilation if we do not take responsibility.

I commit myself to notice all acceptances and allowances and release them through writing.

I commit myself to stop judging others because I realise as long as I judge another I will also judge myself.

I commit myself to raise the point of self-responsiblity with others so that we are all aware of what we have accepted and allowed to exist in the world as this is a collective world to which we all contributing.

I commit myself to stop all social conditioning however small or insignificant because all is an attribute to what I allow to exist in this world.

I commit myself to move myself in awareness so that I know when must adhere to social etiquette because I realise that changes have to be made without causing backlash for myself. 
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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Day 171, 2012 The 'frustrated' character

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto frustration, whereby I realise that in situations where I am frustrated I have a choice, yet I still hold on because I believe that being frustrated gives me "something".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't know what this "something is" - when the word "fear" comes up as I am typing this - and therefore the "something" I am holding on to is fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I miss something when I move away from my activity that causes me to be frustrated because I force myself to hold onto the activity in fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the content of the activity because the content is not familiar and thus I see the content as threat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become threatened by the content of an activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things/activities/surroundings that are not familiar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will fail with things/activities/in surroundings that are not familiar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too slow in my movement when I am confronted with things/activities/surroundings that I am not familiar with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not succeeding in things/activities/in surroundings that I am not familiar with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divert myself from doing the activity by buying into my frustrations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my resistances to the activity to create the frustrated character so that I do not have to engage in the activity and get the job done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself when doing a specific activity where I end up frustrated because I have habituated myself to escape the activity by giving into frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that all it takes for me is to make a decision when I experience frustration coming on, and in that I make a decision to not allow the frustration to manifest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that frustration is a choice just like enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can enjoy myself no matter what activity I do because enjoyment is not dependent on the activity but on me as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience contractions of my organs when I am frustrated and furthermore experience myself generally feeling unwell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with agitation and unrest when I experience myself as the frustrated character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have self-defeating backchat when I am the frustrated character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I am not understanding anything about the situation that I am involved in, and that I get stuck in the activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with wanting to move around the room.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as emotionally "down" when I am enacting the 'frustrated' character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the consequence is indeed that I fuck up the situation and activity and must repeat it all over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the consequence is that I wasted my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the consequence is to experience more of the energetically charged roller-coaster through the emotions that are being evoked by me as the frustration character.

I commit myself to stop entering into a frustrated state of existing no matter what situation or activity I am involved in.

I commit myself -  if and when I realise my frustration I stop immediately and breathe deeply - then I stop what I am doing and do something else or go somewhere else to move myself out of the scene.

I commit myself to realise and understand that I have a choice in whether or not I want to live as this character, and that I easily can choose the way I want to proceed.

I commit myself to end this pattern of frustration by writing it out in self-honesty no matter how many times it takes.

I commit myself to stop my fears and realise that fears are illusions; they are not real only I in my mind make them real.

I commit myself to end all self-abuse where fear of loss or fear of self are examples of self-abusive behaviour.

I commit myself to become a living example of mindless living. 
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Sunday, October 14, 2012

Day 170, 2012 To decide to run - out of fear.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made major decisions in my life based on the runaway character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used reason to talk myself out of facing myself within the points that caused emotional hardship within me and by doing so gave myself permission to run away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a runaway strategy that I have applied throughout my life on points that I found too difficult to handle in any other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have applied the runaway character when I experienced myself as stifled in my creative endeavours.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a belief that I must look beyond my problems, to find the answer to my problems, instead of looking at myself, within myself and who I am in the situation that I experience as problematic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can work out my fears and anxiety, and within this self-distrust I believe that running away from the situation is the only solution/option I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that self-trust is me supporting me and in that I can take my time to figure out what is going on within my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself left alone with my problems (when I was younger).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised that I can never really run away from myself because I am always faced with me wherever I go and whatever I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised the connective links between desire, expectation and the self-created blockages and trust issues, and in that I have experienced myself in a confused state.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient with myself in seeing all the connections in how the programs that I have accepted and allowed as me - in how these 'hang' together in their functioning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that it is never too late to face myself and stop running away from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself by creating the runaway tactic to cope with my life.

I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in haste with an urgency to get away from the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a nervousness in my body when I am considering how to get a way from my troubles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to have believed that because 'getting away' was the right choice in one instance it was therefore the right choice in every other instance as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself by choosing to run away from my problems so that I could 'forget' about what was causing the problem in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the relationship I have created to something or someone through obliterating it/them from my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created self-abuse by choosing to run away from myself.

I commit myself to stop and uncover all the different dimensions where I apply the runaway character.

I commit myself to face myself in every way.

I commit myself to rectify the situations that I ran away from by looking into the thing/person I ran away from and uncover and release all denial and suppression.

I commit myself to support myself to continue to build self-trust.

I commit myself use self-honesty to look at my situations and patiently create stability for myself so that I can make decisions based on common sense and not on a character.

I commit msyelf to recognise the emotions involved and walk out of the thoughts that I believe to be me.

I commit myself to uncover all the instances where I have runaway and work on each point.

I commit myself to get to know who I am free from fear and anxiety.  
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