Saturday, October 6, 2012

Day 162, 2012 You're in my space!

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the physical circumstances in which I currently live deter me from doing what I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is more difficult to direct myself in this manner than when I can close the door behind me and I can be alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I must pay attention to my partner at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient with the situation instead of steadily working towards a solution because I know what the solution entails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a memory when being in Asia and admiring how people where able to function even though they were constantly surrounded by another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that space, movement, people, and time are also cultural components, and thus I have been trained to perceive myself in a manner that is accepted and allowed within my cultural heritage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define serenity, calmness, and tolerance within the memory of my visits to Asia where I encountered people constantly surrounded by other people and able to co-exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that serenity, calmness, and tolerance are here equal and one as me in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a right to have my own space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to have an "idea" of how things should be in terms of space, movement, people and time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to believe that the quality of the space around me matters in how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place conditions on the space around me, as I place conditions onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I exist outside of myself if who is in the space around me influences what I do with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself with absolute certainty and in that I start to waver and allow myself to be influenced by what happens in the space around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as frustrated and disappointed when I perceive the space around me as becoming occupied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others by needing to have space on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react by suppressing my discontent when I am being disturbed in my space and to go on pretending everything is alright.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this causes consequences that affect my life and what happens and does not happen in my life, when I do not get my stuff done, because I compromise myself through sharing the space around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate situations where I am no longer by myself and in this I cause myself stress and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be melancholic about the years where I lived alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that I can experience the feeling of living alone again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as feeling "whole" when I lived by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape into the memory of living alone instead of staying here with all that is here and facing myself within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that how I experience myself is only up to me and no one else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can function as I do in any space and if anything changes, as and when the space around me changes - is an indication of a "mindset".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that how I am moving in space when my space is shared has to do with self-trust.

I realise that the way I am living now is showing me where I must work on being here as myself, where my Self is equal and one to my surrounding and if this is not so then I must understand where the fragments of my Self have gone and why.

I commit myself to walk this point of space, movement, people, time - around me - until it's done.

I commit myself to become equal and one to any space I am in, with anyone who is with me, at any time.

I commit myself to direct myself in any space, with anyone, at any time.

I commit myself to support myself at all times.
[Continue reading...]

Friday, October 5, 2012

Day 161, 2012 Divided in writing, I stop Pt.4

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This is the continuation from the previous post. Here I focus on the reaction, physical dimension, and consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have created reactions within my self where I slow my work down and become disinterested and disorganised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked for justifications why I am working the way I do and why I'd rather write about other topics - whereby I place value, in form of interest, on one type of writing and not on another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created resistances through which I end up wasting my time by not staying focussed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with dismissal and deny the situation instead of investigating how I can change my current approach to paper writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter into regret and view my choices regarding papers/writing/dissemination as not being entirely well informed but to have placed my ego before me and have gathered information through my ego and then made my choice - thus have not seen the reality for what it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with a sense of fatigue and needing specific times where I am in the "shape" for writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw a blank when I must organise my arguments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react by being overwhelmed when I must synthesise the entire literature review.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is normal for me to not like working on all parts of the paper equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anticipation of the various steps of writing being difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must labour to create a good paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squirm in my chair and no longer "know" how to sit comfortably when I want to escape writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a delay for others who are writing with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write better when I am writing with others, thus showing myself that I need motivation to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more concerned with my writing partner, when there is a change in the pattern of writing than with my own pattern.


I realise that I have trained myself in these reactions.

I realise that I have neglected myself within the process of writing.

I realise that the behaviour effects the outcome of my writing.

I commit myself to stop my reactions that indicate a fluctuation within my process of writing academically.

I commit myself to stop all differentiation between writing "for myself" and writing "for professional purposes" and thus I create an equal situation where in both instances I can express myself.

I commit myself to no longer accept writing for work as form of work but see it as any other activity I do.

I commit myself to immediately look at the situation when I slow myself down in my work and I no longer stay focussed. 
[Continue reading...]

Day 160, 2012 Divided in writing, I stop Pt.3

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I continue this series from Pt.2, by looking at the imagination and backchat dimension.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I write a lot of papers one day I am going to be very good at it and then I won't have to work so hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that one day I write a paper that is very popular because it will shift "thinking" and create more understanding regarding the topic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I must write to catch the reader's attention in more than one way, otherwise my papers are some of those boring research papers that I read.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one day I have devised the perfect structure for retrieving information that forms research.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that those who write papers a lot have their own little methods in how they keep track of papers and the content.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the more hours I put into a paper the better it will be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better I am networked the more likely I write a good paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others have more help than I do and that is why the quality of their paper is better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that those who review papers kind of know whose paper it is and depending on that they determine whether the paper is accepted or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that academia is one big clique and that one has to get into to be able to "play" with the others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that those who write papers feel superior because this is what academia likes to promote to make up for the lack of money in comparison to those who actually do make money when running businesses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that writing papers will eventually be rewarded through money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that academia is just as dishonesty than every other business, and that only those who have a business sense can 'survive'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine my life will be better with lots of papers under my belt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that people who review papers forget how difficult it is to write papers - and that by being a harsh reviewer they can vent their personal frustrations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at other options regarding my work because I now see "behind" the curtain of research work and imagine that I could have made a better choice - in creating a career for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that research work will continue in the same vein as when I plugged into the "safe" structure of the university as a student.

I realise that writing papers is just another job that I can do like I do any other job and what is most important is that I remain here in breath.

I commit myself to stop all backchat about my writing, how others write and review, and focus on the paper to be written at hand.

I commit myself to stop all imagination as what impact or not the paper might have and focus on getting the job done.

I commit myself to establish a method of organising my paper efforts that I built upon and that will be a form of self-support.

I commit myself to stop looking outside of myself for writing high quality papers.

I commit myself to realise and understand that 'high quality' means the process by which I produce the paper is through breathing.

I commit myself to stop wavering in my commitment to the job and stop all wishful thinking about the choices that I had before entering academia. 

[Continue reading...]

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Day 159, 2012 Divided in writing, I stop Pt. 2

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Previously I looked at my fears in writing for "work". Here I will look at the thoughts.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not grasping the points in a paper that I am using to make a case for my research, to build up the foundation to my argumentation because I am not familiar with the method of analysis and thus I miss something in what I believe the paper is presenting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read through papers as part of my literature review but half way through I believe that the paper is boring that I don't want to spend the time reading the rest and thus I just want to dismiss this paper and get on with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder how some papers get reviewed and accepted for publication when I deem them to be badly written and in that I pass judgement on another's paper because I believe I can write better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be rushing through a paper because I just want to find the points that are relevant to my own paper writing and in doing so I overlook lots of useful material - and I cheat myself by not being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put out more effort towards slowing myself down when reading other people's work just as I would like for them to read my work but instead I speed up because I pressure myself having to spend hours reading other people's academic work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come across papers where I am in admiration of the work and the writing and where I would like to be on such a research project and be given the opportunity to write a paper of such "high" quality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I work faster, I get more research papers under my belt and thus I have more value - while I realise that this is how it works in academia, I also realise that I do not have to have thoughts but can merely be here as me in every moment because it matters not what I do but who I am in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am wasting time when I sit and read research papers for my own research writing and simultaneously consider all the other tasks I have before me and that I should be doing - which results in me not being focussed and having to re-read parts of the paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this type of work, reading and writing research papers is useless as it does not change the world, nor does it create a better future for all, and is flawed from the starting point - and by believing these words I separate myself from the task at hand whereby I do not realise that all work at the moment is from the same starting point and I can only make a difference if I change my own starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept that this is the professional choice I have made and that this is what I am doing now, and in that I commit myself to do this type of work from the starting point that it is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I must commit myself and accept the responsibility of a researcher, and in that I am working by being here and putting in the work that needs to be done to do the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that a job is a job like any other job and that I can create enjoyment for myself in any job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can't write a research paper without thinking about the points that are relevant in constructing an argument - and in that I justify using my mind when writing a research paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the insecurity about whether my work is good enough for future research projects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in what I do when I write a research paper but to doubt about the work which is reflected in the act of writing.

I commit myself to approach the writing of a research paper as any job that I can do, and stop focussing on the outcome of the job, and be here in every moment.

I commit myself to stand equal to the writing for research and stop judging my writing and/or comprehension of papers and approach each paper from the starting point of being here when reading it.

I commit myself to create a better way of working regarding literature reviews and organising points that are relevant for my own research and in that I stop all ideas/thoughts on the point of how much time I spend on it.

I commit myself to the commitment that I work as researcher and realise within that that this is not a label that I am putting on myself but that I stop wishing to do other things and in that I build up my publication list one by one.  
[Continue reading...]

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Day 158, 2012 Dreaming: the paper-mâché coffin and my uncle

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In my dream I was together with these people. There was a woman and a man, and maybe another man. At some point they told me that my uncle had gone missing, it was suspected that something had happened to him that involved violence. This uncle is the brother of my mother. In reality, he died very young in a car accident and left my two cousins behind. One of my cousins was only 1 years old. I must have been between 4 and 5 years of age when he died. I don't remember him. 

The whole time I was in this house that resembled a house I once lived in when I lived together with some friends in a kind of mansion. The place was very big, with very high ceilings and parquet floors. The rooms had big double doors and where heated by burning wood in fireplaces. Somehow the people knew that my uncle had died but no one knew where he was, where was his body? Somehow clothes played a role and we, at least the woman and I, were looking through a bunch of clothes that were hanging/lying around in this house. They were mostly clothes from the 1940's. 

The news came to our group that my uncle had been discovered. The woman led the rest of us, myself and two men, into one of the largest rooms which had stucco on the ceiling. She explained that she had found something. She went into a little adjacent room which used to be a dressing room several 100 years ago. She came out with a bunch of clothes, also from the 1940's. There was a woman's ensemble with red and black colours and a typical 1940's cut and fabric, another skirt, and a men's pant - all was very vivid and detailed. Then there was a crochet mouse and also a stuffed real mouse, both were identical.  For some reason I measured and compared both mice. Finally she revealed the main find, it looked like a small boat where a person was lying in a carefully constructed paper-mâché coffin that was fitted tightly around the person but was quite thick so there was no real definition of the person just the overall shape. The person inside was supposed to be my uncle. I could only see the paper-mâché which was done with a lot of care and artistic sense as it was painted on the outside. Maybe it had a flair of Egyptian style with very light colours - I could definitely make out the shape of a person. 

The woman then pulled out some papers that were apparently also part of the boat accessories. Interestingly, the size of the paper paper-mâché was relatively small, so it indicated a teenager at max. but even that was difficult to know because there were so many layers of paper-mâché, it could have also been a small child. The papers she pulled out were contracts, they had my name on them. I was mentioned for "in case" situations. If something should fail to pan out then I would be addressed in whatever the contracts where about. I don't recall what the content was, and maybe it was not so clear to me in the dream either. On the other hand, the contracts as objects, were very clear, I saw that they were printed on paper but some blanks had been filled in by hand. The hand writing was done in an old style, as I knew it from my grandmother. My name was mentioned in relation to dates where I would have been a baby.


Analysis:

My uncle: as me, represents a part of the family that has gone "lost". 

The other people: represent a number of my characters, the woman is the character who wants to understand all the mysteries in my family. 

The clothes: are parts of the characters I play, but somehow they are more related to my uncle's youth and not to mine, and are also the connecting link between me and him and me taking over the family "story" through my programming. 

The mice: one real and one fabricated is in fact the real aspect of what is happening - that that which was fabricated became real and now both are dead. 

The other day I wrote about fear of commitment. I can see that this dream is in response to breaking free from the limitation of living in fear of commitment. I broke the contract that came with my family's history. In this dream I showed myself that I broke a preprogrammed design. The contract I inherited as a baby, the downloads of a preprogrammed life. Fear of commitment rears its head in many ways. In my case, the fear was made manifest by running away or leaving a back door to run away - specifically in situations that involved relations that can, as I believed it, threaten my freedom. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breaking free from the limitation that I have accepted as me because this would affect my family.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have no choice in the understanding of myself, and that my decision to never accept a commitment again, entirely and whole-heartedly, was a way to protect myself from the world.


I forgive myself hat I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I were to accepted a commitment entirely without backdoor I would recreate a similar situation as the one I had with my parents.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself with beliefs that only if I stay away from any commitment whatsoever will I be able to have a good life,


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have admired my aunt who was entirely self-sufficient and not dependent on anyone until she died.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have admired my aunt for her ability to forge her own path in the system and unlike my mother who I defined as trapped and caught up in marriage.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my mother as powerless in the way she lived her life, in the marriage with my father, not realising that she had programmed herself in this way but believing that this was "done" to her.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when I change my living situation by becoming committed and stable, it could have a negative effect on my relationship with my mother.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that committing myself is a form of weakness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that staying free of commitments will enable me to do what I want.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself with fear of commitment based on a memory of my mother telling me that she does not need anyone.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of my mother telling me that she does not need anyone.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define anger and choice in the memory of my mother telling me that she does not need anyone.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that anger and choice are here as me, equal and one in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself with the words of my mother to never make any commitments and trap myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself through a memory of my mother repeatedly telling me that I should never make any commitments - when she was angry about her situation with my father.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined "the good life" within the memory of my mother telling me repeatedly that I should never make any commitments - when she was angry about her situation with my father.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that "the good life" is here as me, equal and one in every breath.


I commit myself to stop all beliefs about commitments and realise that a longterm commitment is about self-responsiblity in what I allow to be me.


I commit myself to realise that to maintain my family programming is me allowing it to be this way - and me allowing myself to not change.


I commit myself to realise that commitments take time to develop as the communication has to be developed and that communication is the essence of having a working commitment with anyone.


I commit myself to realise that I must do my part to steer the commitment in the direction that make sense for all participants and is best for all.


I commit myself to realise that a commitment has context and that in this context there might be other people which I must consider.


I commit myself to realise that any back doors left open will jeopardise the commitment as well as my integrity.


I commit myself to realise that the quality of any commitment is equal to my self-responsiblity in that I recognise in self-honesty what needs to be done.


[Continue reading...]

Monday, October 1, 2012

Day 157, 2012 Divided in writing, I stop Pt.1

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I seem to labour in my academic writing.  This is quite in contrast with my non-academic writing. I enjoy writing when I do it as an expression, it comes up like water from a fountain. I have always enjoyed writing, I used to write poetry but I stopped because I realised that it was connected with energetic charges where my starting point was "a feeling" for the word(s). Now I focus on writing prose, I could write all day long if I had no other responsibilities.  Academic writing involves long hours to craft a paper. Yet I don't have the same ease writing nor do I enjoy the writing process as much as writing about my personal topics.



 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not writing in a good enough manner for an academic paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not mentioning the most relevant points that make a case for paper that I am currently writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see writing an academic paper as a large task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know why there is such a division within myself, concerning writing about what I want to write about, on the other hand, and writing an academic paper on the other, where I also write as myself as I see the most relevant points pertaining to my research.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the hardcore peer review because I have to be sure I preempt all conceptual 'edges' that piss reviewers off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not get involved with reviewing academic papers so that I can see better what to avoid, but instead judged the whole point of reviewing as typical academic non-sense and have therefore placed above academic paper reviews, in superiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other academics reading the paper and thus when I write I don't write for myself but for those who will read the paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as inferior when I write academic papers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not have all the necessary literature reviewed and that I might be missing a crucial research strand that will render my contribution insufficient and the paper will be rejected upon reviewing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that writing a paper takes too long and that I won't have the patience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing a research paper for myself because I fear I will let things slip more easily as when I write for an audience where I am more vigilant because I fear that the paper will be rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing the objective of the paper and therefore I hold myself back in writing.


to be continued tomorrow. 
[Continue reading...]

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Day 156, 2012 Fear of commitment

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my insecurities by limiting my commitment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a backdoor when committing myself because I do not want to take responsibility for my fears in having to face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a situation of superiority because I hold on to the backdoor for “just in case” reasons

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up my insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with my insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself want to be sure and have certainty before I close the backdoor in the commitment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a backdoor because it allows me to control the outcome regarding the commitment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my sincerity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given a signal of mixed messages.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate that the commitment becomes obsolete and thus confirms my lack of self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself hold on to a pattern of fear of commitment even when I see that the pattern originates from a specific situation that is long gone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself hold onto the backdoor option because I am in fear about what others think. 


I commit myself to learn to stop all insecurities whereby fear of commitment is the first one.

I commit myself to face myself within my fears and walk through them.

I commit myself to give to another what I want to receive for myself within the commitment.  

I commit myself to realise that facing my fears is best done with self-trust. 

I commit myself to not make any commitment bigger than what it is. 

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself at all times.

[Continue reading...]

Day 155, 2012 "I have no options"

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any options or not seeing any options that resolve the situation that I m facing and in that I fear that another will decide my fate. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have no options but to be stuck in the situation and thus I punish myself through feeling stuck. 


 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I don’t have the possibility to control my reality because I am dependent on another’s feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I don’t do the right thing in resolving the situation I fuck up my participation in something that I really want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking for the most practical common sense solution because I fear losing that which I desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loss because I did not make the right moves or the right decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that things are totally different than how I perceive them to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I’ll never find out why I am not getting any answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe that the other party is negatively oriented towards me -thus there is no need to even try to communicate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I should just drop the topic altogether because it is useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less than the other and that I am at their mercy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must find the most gentle way to communicate my question to the person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if the person does not communicate back with me then that means they don’t want to talk to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am exposed for the evil person that I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don’t get access then my one chance to change things in my life is gone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am bothering the other person, and thus I need to hold back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am desperate for a solution of the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’ll never get another chance to enter into something that is of the same quality/level/interest to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that the person I am dealing with will lash out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that the person knows something about me and I am clueless as to what it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the worst case scenario.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that my behaviour prompted them to react in this manner - thus I feel guilty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I am not what they expected me to be and thus decided to not deal with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I am being punished for my evilness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that if I decide upon one situation, a different situation will actually come into being which will be to my disadvantage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a number of scenarios that took place in the other person’s world - all of which comprise a disadvantage for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the person is fake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the person is not worth my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I should have reacted differently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the other is mean.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am still not understanding how business works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I got fooled by their initial friendliness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that whatever I did wrong does not warrant her to react like that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think what the fuck is wrong with me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start looping in self-defeating thoughts in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in a state of panic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to frantically look for a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a contracting feeling within my solar plexus area.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a dryness in my mouth and heat in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as stifled and constrained.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to preoccupy myself with the thought and no longer take part in actual reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a decision on what to do based on emotion not on common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in inferiority or superiority and not from what is practical and equal.


I commit myself to stop interpreting anyone’s action/ non-action and realise that there is only one bottom line in this which is business.

I commit myself to stop myself from building up expectations about another’s behaviour

I commit myself to stop myself from making the interaction with another more than what it is.

I commit myself to understand and realise that all possiblities are equal and to believe that one is more important than another is my mind’s judgement.

I commit myself to understand and realise that every situation can be solved in common sense. 


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