Friday, September 28, 2012

Day 154, 2012 At the bottom of the trap

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust another instead of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in something that I believed I am able co-create not realising that through this belief I have trapped myself in this current situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given more than my share to something I placed my trust into instead of making decisions strictly based on what is beneficial to me in the first place - not in second place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have done what many women do when they make decisions in favor of another and in ‘good’ hopes that it will all work out and from this position live in delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I could go back in time and revise my decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the moment where I made the decision that brought me to my current situation because in that moment I chose to be ‘happy-go-lucky’ instead of cautious, deliberate and patient with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have created a situation for myself that has become increasingly difficult and has now reached an unbearable dimension, and I am the one who placed myself in this situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have kept all of what I lived through recently bottled up inside because I did not want anyone to know what was really going on, because I considered myself weak if I were to talk about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have kept the situation bottled up inside because I feared being the complainer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to "just" accept things and deal with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck myself over big time because I do do not trust myself and I searched for belonging, when the only belonging that can ever be real is the belonging to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create suffering for myself and in that I re-create my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself deeply upset because I see myself in a huge trap that I believe I can’t get out so easily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making another decision that causes me to trap myself further instead of supporting me to step out of my self-entrapment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that there is only me in this world, and that the world is full of me, and that only as me for me will I do the one thing that is the best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in deep emotional pain over what I have created for myself by making the decision that has placed me in my current situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to clear up the emotional state as quickly as possible so that I can make a decision that is not born from emotions - because I want to make decisions for myself so that I can feel better and thus not realising that any decision from this state would still be made from emotion.

I forgive myself that I have created and allowed myself to believe that I feel better once I get all my emotions out of my system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want to be relieved and end this state I find myself in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that mercy does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes think that this is all a bad dream and I am going to be waking up soon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that now I have the opportunity to make a better decision for myself and to create a way forward.

I commit myself to use this situation to become self-trusting.

I commit myself to realise that I can step out of this situation because I have created this situation for myself.

I commit myself to not look for quick fixes out and steadily work towards a solution for myself in the FIRST place.

I commit myself to stop falling into patterns of servitude and realise that I can only serve myself.

I commit myself to involve others, who are not components of my situation, so that nothing that happens within my current situation is covered up and hidden away because I want to protect the other.

I commit myself to stop creating abusive situations for myself.

[Continue reading...]

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Day 153, 2012 The end of the line.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change my life because I believe that I have reached the end of the line with my current situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am made responsible for a particular event and in response I just want to change the entire situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be more forceful and stating my perspective even if no one wants to hear it but instead I now want to change everything so I no longer have to deal with the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as trapped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having made a decision in response to an initial finding before the situation evolved with was actually unacceptable to me and where I could have cross referenced the point but instead I just played it down because I feared loss. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to trust myself to have made a decision in the beginning when the unacceptable point was revealed instead I held on because I was hoping that things would turn out ok and in this I was deluding myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not been strong enough to walk away from the situation in the beginning when I should have done so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in regret. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as angry because I believe that I could have made a better decision in the beginning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could have taken a short pain in the beginning and thus I would not have to deal with this mess now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as exasperated because the situation has not improved even though I believe that I have done my best to improve it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I brought this situation onto myself and thus I must deal with the consequences if I only change the situation now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have shared all aspects that have brought about the current situation with someone so that there would be a record of how things have accumulated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that if I would have shared all the aspects had came down in the course of a period of time,  I would not be in the current situation.

I realise that I must draw conclusions and to stick to them no matter what.

I realise that I can only trust myself and no body else and that I must develop self trust to the fullest extend.

I realise that I put myself aside, that I diminished myself, to support another because I did not want to face myself.

I commit myself to refocus the my life. 

I commit myself to use my breath to refocus my life and to devise new ways of coping with my situation.

I commit myself to do what I must do and not hold back for any reason.

I commit myself to put everything that concern the situation out - and make it shared, so that I have a track record and avoid any misunderstandings about what I did and did not do.

I commit myself to not accept any trespass by myself or the other - and call it out if it happens.

I commit myself to see things for what they are and stop excusing them.

[Continue reading...]

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Day 152, 2012 The "I have nothing to say" character

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry a burden rather than to speak up about what is happening because I fear that the answer is that I am the one who has to make adjustments and thus the whole point of speaking up was in vain because I make adjustments to myself anyway, to deal with my concerns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to work things out on my own because I do not want to bother anyone with my petty problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak up when there is an issue because I expect that I am expected to work it out on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to endure any issues or burdens because that is what I did when I had to live with my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to endure my concerns rather than to communicate because when I tried to communicate in the past with my parents the content of my communication was invalidated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in communicating precisely what is going on because by default I make the assumption that I must find a way to handle the situation on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself that when I have a concern that concerns me I suppress my words so that I say nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to once in a while say "something" that is my concern and that when I perceive that it "backfires" I reaffirm my belief that it is better to not say anything in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have heard my father tell me that it is better not to say anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of myself as eleven year old where I made a pact to never again reveal my concerns to my parents because they did not take them seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a memory as a eleven year old person where I am make a pact with myself to never speak to my parents again about anything that is my concern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define survival, peace, safety, and responsibility within a memory of myself making a pact with myself to never share my concerns with my parents again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from survival, peace, safety, and responsibility through defining survival, peace, safety and responsibility within a memory of my myself making a pact with myself to never share my concerns with my parents again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself and rather talk about subjects that are 'outside' of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak up because I fear that others take it personal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to communicate but make assumptions based on my memory with my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of me wanting to discuss a situation with my parent and my parents invalidating my concerns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist within me where I try to figure out multiple ways of addressing my parents in communication but each manner I try fails and ends up in the same way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak up because I have programmed myself to not speak up due to a memory of my parents using my words in a manner I did not intend to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak up because I do not want my words to be used in a manner that I did not intended to and thus I have programmed myself to not speak up to avoid this situation all together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak up because I fear rage and anger from my conversation partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mull over and evaluate my communication to make sure that what I say is not offensive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself so that I can compute quickly the best answer that is the least "offensive" to anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the character because I fear the consequences of speaking up regarding my concerns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abused myself in response to abuse in my life and have not realised that I can now take responsibility and stop all self-abuse.

I commit myself to stop holding myself back from speaking up and speak up after I have created clarity within myself.

I commit myself to stop justifying that I must carry the burden because that is what is expected of me.

I commit myself to stop fearing any reactions from conversation partners and face myself in this fear by speaking up.

I commit myself to not judge any of my concerns as valid or not and treat it as a point which requires direction from me.
[Continue reading...]

Day 151, 2012 The writing pattern

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in a state of emptiness when I spend my day staring at words and analysing concepts so that I experience myself as unable to write another word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to do intellectual work because I fear that it interferes with my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that I was doing other work for living which would not fuck up my head the way intellectual work does.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that intellectual work fucks with my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy writing and reading but at the same time believe that I have to reconcile writing for work with writing SF for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread intellectual work because I perceive it as having to switch from writing intellectually to writing self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make blog-writing a project like writing a paper instead of being here, clearing my starting point, and just write what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must separate myself from writing for work and writing self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as dragging by the time I get to writing self-forgiveness because I have worked all day on research papers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not being here while writing because I believe that I have spent too much time with intellectual work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not better organise myself so that I write self-forgiveness when I am still fresh and not worn out by intellectual work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify writing when I have worked all day because I have procrastinated based on the belief that I don’t have the time to write SF earlier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make writing SF a special occasion instead of viewing it like any other activity I do.

I commit myself to stop every pattern I allow to exist within my SF writing.

I commit myself to stop giving SF writing this special attention so that it becomes a project instead of me writing naturally from the starting point of equality and self-intimacy.

I commit myself to investigate this intellectual tiredness because it is not real.
[Continue reading...]

Day 150, 2012 Winter, the difficult season.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself ready for winter because I believe that winter will cause me physical hardship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist within me that recalls winter being lots of fun in the snow, but to also associate winter time as being unbearably cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define "a price to pay" within the memory of me having fun in the snow but also feeling the cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist within of the many apartments that I lived in that were horrible to experience during the winter time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a memory where I suffer physically and am restricted in my movements because of the bad insulation of the many apartments I have lived in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist within me where my body is cold and uncomfortable and the world around me is gray and unpleasant.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sinking feeling at the end of each summer because I anticipate the properties of winter which I associate with physical hardship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a perception of winter where I dread the weather and the associate physical uncomfortable associations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself in a collective manner that cold, rain and snow are types of weather that bring about suffering and illness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that winter highlights the fact that we must spend money on warm clothing, and that cannot be done unless one has sufficient monetary funds to get warm clothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that winter requires more equipment and gear for the human, which can be as simple as buying electricity to stay warm but each one of these steps to a create comfortable living environment requires money. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for dreading winter, instead of investigating how I can be more effective in taking care of myself during the winter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my genetic makeup is not ideal for cold temperature because it is linked to southern countries where the weather does not get so cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a polarisation of sun = good and no sun = bad - in my perception of the climate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have programmed myself in regards to the dreading the winter because I can see in the pictures from my childhood that I had a lot of fun playing in the snow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in providing what I need for myself during the winter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy having my skin exposed to the sun, the water and wind - but to not enjoy having to wrap myself up into layers of clothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point as being trivial and in this I deny the emotions attached to the anticipation of winter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist within me where breathing was very painful during the cold weather - when I was asthmatic - and within that I have programmed myself to associate pain with cold climate even though I no longer have asthmatic experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created fear in relation to breathing and cold weather.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to live in a warm climate so I don't fear suffering from cold weather.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay close attention as to when the birds migrate because I see this as a warning sign that the weather will turn cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define survival and lack within the memories of winter and winter time.

I realise that winter is like any season with a set of properties that I judge according to my personal history, memories and limitations.

I realise that my physical discomfort during winter is a limitation that I can change by stopping the thoughts associated to the physical discomfort.

I commit myself to stop thoughts that I associate with being physically uncomfortable in cold climates.

I commit myself to stop anticipating the weather of winter by looking out for signs in the environment.

I commit myself to stop judging winter and look upon winter as any other season.

I commit myself to use common sense whenever I have to make decisions about an apartment where I look at the insulation of an apartment and the viability of keeping it warm.

I commit myself to bring about an Equal Money System where all are taken care of during winter, and at all times, and no one suffers because of material lack. 

[Continue reading...]

Monday, September 24, 2012

Day 149, 2012 Waking up in fear

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 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up with fear thoughts as the first thoughts of my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not yet examined the kinds of thoughts I have first thing after waking up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must accept fear as me because I do not know what happens during the night when I sleep and thus I do not know how to stop the fear that is being generated while I sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have no influence on myself during the night because I have separated myself from who I am when I sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown in the form of sleeping because I have no recollection of what goes on with me during the night.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought in my head when I get up in the morning and start my day with an energetic charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppressed my fears to the point where they affect my sleep at night.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept that I have no access to part of my mind because it is unconscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot change my unconscious and subconscious mind because I have no access to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can still render that which is unconscious conscious and can access the information to apply self-forgiveness and walk the self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in the world because I don't trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from self-trust and have fear allowed as trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, right away when I wake up, breathe and keep focusing on breath for the rest of the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fear the excuse for not taking responsibility.

I commit myself to learn to get up in breath in the mornings where I first focus on breath and being here.

I commit myself to stop any reactions towards myself about having fear thoughts first thing in the morning.

I commit myself to stop my fears including those that are not accessible for me at this time.

I commit myself to no longer accept fear as me and work towards being fearless.

I commit myself to replace fear with self-trust and know that I can always trust what is here as me.

I commit myself to stop all beliefs especially those who trigger fear behaviour in me.

I commit myself to stop seeing and believing that I cannot stop my mind because I do not have access to all parts of it.
[Continue reading...]

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Day 148, 2012 Two against one - the Swans in Antwerpen’s Stadpark

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I witnessed the most vicious bird attack I have ever seen in my life. I was riding on my bike and approached the fenced off area in the ‘Stadpark’ when I saw a white swan pressed against the fence and a black swan on top of it biting the white swan with much aggression, while another black swan stood by and supported the cornering of the white swan, while seemingly cheering the black swan on.
It was violent and gruesome to watch, as the white swan was desperately trying to get away. More and more people came to the scene, and I started to actively participate in separating the swans. More people came to help because the black swan was very strong and would not let go of the white swan - but neither did I let go pulling on the black swan’s neck, as that is all I could reach, in my attempt to make him let go. Others where using handbags and coats to hit the black swan. At some point he/she stopped because by now there were enough people gathered around to defend the white swan. As soon as he/she stopped, the two black swans engaged in some kind of dance moving their heads together and making noises that sounded like laughing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to save the white swan because I saw the bird as helpless and defenseless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have feared for the white swan’s life as it was bleeding from one eye as a result of the beatings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as the saviour, where I wanted to stop the injustice of two swans fighting against one swan.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself on automatic pilot, where I experience the need to stop the fighting between the animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still dwell on the scene where I see the black swan's obsessive behaviour - not realising that humans are by far more obsessed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory where I see the white swan rammed into the fence and mangled with blood streaming from its eye and in this memory all other aspects of the picture are out of focus and unimportant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the victim and the injuries, in this memory of the white swan, as I react to my own victimisation and “mental” injuries.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the white swan being beaten up, and ‘act’ on my reaction because I want to stop the fighting, as I want to stop seeing the picture of fighting - just like I wanted to stop my parents from fighting when I was a kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this is the reality I live in and I participate in, where survival is always linked to violence and brutality, and that only in these types of encounters I am made aware of the reality of this world that otherwise I choose to forget or play down as I go after my daily life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that wanting to save others detracts attention from looking at my self, and where I need to “save” myself in walking the points of my process towards life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged the black swans as a vicious creature because I see this scene of fighting and violence instigated by the black swan, where I automatically allow myself to judge even though I do not really understand what is going on between the birds, and I do not have means to communicate with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life condemn cruelty never seeing my own cruelty when I participate in this economic system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that animals are better than humans, and that these types of scenarios shock me more then if I were to see humans beating each other up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear violence and injustice, and thus I have separated myself from violence and injustice and turn away from engaging with it - including when I watch a film.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself from reacting when I approached the scene with the swan being beaten up - as I could have stopped myself through grounding myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have justified feelings of sorrow and pity in my life - and I still ‘live through’ this justification when I am confronted with these types of scenes.

I commit myself to stop myself from reacting when I am part of the scene where violence and brutality comes to the forefront.

I commit myself to stop myself from reacting on the one hand, yet I do what needs to be done to stop those who are fighting and I do so in common sense.

I commit myself to stop myself from saving others and focus on saving my Self by walking my process with discipline and consistency.

I commit myself to stop seeing animals as special and as better than humans, and learn to see all that is here as equal.

I commit myself to stop all victimisation within myself and take self-responsibility for myself in every facet of my life.

I commit myself to stop all judgement towards violence and cruelty and stand equal to it, as I realise that I am this violence and cruelty no matter the person or animal that executes the action.  

[Continue reading...]

Day 147, 2012 Abraham Hicks & the missing "peace" P.3

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Self-commitment Statements. 

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that all that is here on planet earth is equal and operates in oneness, where I am the missing 'piece' in creating equality so that all that is here can step out of the mental bondage, and create a world that is best for all at all times.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that the division we have allowed to exist in this world has been classified by external appearances where 'age' and 'knowledge' represent typical categories - and within that we have justified our behaviour to treat others as inferior, as for example with the children of this planet - and yet others as superior as with mature adults in powerful positions - and by ending all judging of appearance we stop all power dynamics to create submission and dependency and we learn to create agreements as equals based on the simple truth that we are all equal as life.

I commit myself to stop telling stories about where people come from and what imaginary decisions they have made before coming to earth, and I focus on cleaning up the mess that is here at this moment where millions starve to death, where animals are slaughtered to extinction, and where the pollution levels are ignored as long as money can be made.

I commit myself to stop "talking" people out of their accurate assessment of the state of this earth, and acknowledge that my role as the character Abraham Hicks does not offer any solutions but creates more apathy and ignorance in people - and in that I acknowledge that I have been part of the problem whereby I focus on becoming part of the solution - where I start walking my process through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application so that all can see that I stand up and change myself to change how we exist on earth.

I commit myself to layout in all clarity that free will and free choice cannot exist in self-interest, and that as long as we do not stand together as a group - the group of humanity- we cannot change anything because we are trapped in the illusion of free will and free choice and to free ourselves from our mental entrapment we must stop self-interest by stopping the mind, and in that we recognise that free will and free choice is the choice for all in equality and the will to do the best for all as equals.

I commit myself to participate in the re-education of all humans, including myself, to understand and realise the true nature of feelings/emotions and thoughts, and ensure that no human ever again will abuse life through self-interest.

I commit myself see, realise and understand that the human has the ultimate creative control about everything that happens on earth, and in that I commit myself to show and demonstrate to others that we are in total control and that we can change ourselves to be equals.

I commit myself to stop using words to explain ideas of the mind because I realise that all ideas originate in the mind and are born out of self-interest and ego.

I commit myself to explain the nature of energy and layout in detail how the Law of Attraction is creating more atrocities in this world, because it operates like the law of physics where accumulating energy on the one end - as in the privileged Western world - necessitates to take energy from all other parts of the world.

I commit myself to explain in detail how money = energy, and how I got rich accumulating energy, respectively money, through my followers' support.

I commit myself to end all sabotage, corruption and manipulation and to stop using rhetoric to convince people of my righteous nature.

I commit myself to stop making money of people's gullible nature, who are seeking to understand themselves, and instead participate in bringing about an economic stystem of equality, namely the Equal Money System

[Continue reading...]
 
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