Friday, September 14, 2012

Day 138, 2012 How do I do it? Movement!

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Valie Export
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of my movements, at times, especially at the intersection where I am reacting to my mind which is also expressed in my physical movements where I experience myself as searching in my environment, pacing around, feeling uncomfortable in my chair, restless, repeating movements, because now I realise that I suppress my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be out of touch with my physical body by just letting movements happen, just like the movement of breathing which I have automated, not taking responsibility for moving myself as the physical body but being moved by myself as mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have limited myself in my movements and have looked for excuses to justify this limitation, because I realise that I allow and accept my mind to 'rule' my physical body in that I use backchat related to time issues and other obligations based on fear to 'inter-fear' with Self as physical expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind's fear of loss to 'drive' my physical body and act quickly and hasty in automated ways, in a state of panic, where I allow myself to believe that I have no way of stopping these movements in the moment in which I am about to execute them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conveniently overlook fuzzy, hazy, ambiguous ways of moving where I realise that the movement is loaded with mind stuff - thus I realise the indicator of the movement I perform, but I do not stop and investigate by stopping myself in my tracks because again it's through the belief in my thoughts that I don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose the 'I can't do/move in this way now" character upon my life just as my mother used to threaten me to 'sit still or else' and so I have used the 'I can't do/move in this way now' character to punish myself just as my mother used to punish me for moving around - whereby I realise that by punishing me now I do so in response to situations where my life isn't going the way I desire and where I use my ability to move/not move as way to re-enact my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that unless I forgive myself for having programmed myself in this manner of using movement restriction to punish myself - instead of still blaming my mother's obsession with me having to be a picture that suited her - I will not be able to break the pattern of suppressing my physical movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of my mother exist inside of me and hold onto it where I am sitting as a 3 year old under the xmas tree, and my mother is enchanted about the picture I create with the tree and in my xmas outfit, and me experiencing myself as uncomfortable, wanting to crawl away from the scene but being made to stay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined anger, hate, loud speaking, crying, stress, anxiety and limitation within the memory of me sitting as a 3 year old under the xmas tree with my mother enchanted about the picture I create with the tree and in my xmas outfit ,and me experiencing myself as uncomfortable, wanting to crawl away from the scene but being made to stay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from anger, hate, loud speaking, crying, stress, anxiety and limitation through defining anger, hate, loud speaking, crying, stress, anxiety and limitation within the memory of me sitting as a 3 year old under the xmas tree with my mother enchanted about the picture I create with the tree and me in my xmas outfit, and me experiencing myself as uncomfortable, wanting to crawl away from the scene but being made to stay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that anger, hate, loud speaking, crying, stress, anxiety and limitation are here as me equal and one in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created movement habits that signal release of energy and having been aware of these habits but having not stopped them through self-discipline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through eating before wanting to be physically active so that I can further repress my movements because I cannot be physically active with a full stomach and thus I postpone it indefinitely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my facial muscles in distinct ways especially when I write or other tasks I attend to, and I tighten up myself because it is accepted and we all make 'funny' faces when we are concentrated, and so I have accepted myself to not be comfortable as I have learned that physical comfort is not important to living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that physical discomfort permeates all my movements from the micro movements in my face to sitting uncomfortably when accommodating and shaping myself to the design of furniture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live uncomfortably in my physical body and have not made the choice to stop it in every way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can direct my physical body in every way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself to be numb in my physical body, to be oblivious to my moving body, and to have accepted to exist since my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory inside me and hold onto it where I am standing in front of school at the first day of school, where I am holding a "schultüte" and am feeling uncomfortable in my clothing, especially the shoes that I am wearing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define authority, learning, and pleasing others in the memory of me standing in front of school at the first day of school, where I am holding a "schultüte" and am feeling uncomfortable in my clothing, especially the shoes that I am wearing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from authority, learning and pleasing others through defining authority, learning and pleasing others in the memory of me standing in front of school at the first day of school, where I am holding a "schultüte" and am feeling uncomfortable in my clothing, especially the shoes that I am wearing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that authority, learning and pleasing others are here as me equal and one in every moment of breath.


I realise that next to breathing my physical body is all I got to be here as life.

I realise that next to movement I must deal with other aspects of my physical 'experience' such as eating.

I realise that there is a connection with me being frequently sick since I was a child and the un/dis-ease I experience in my physical body.

I realise that I have accepted programs of restriction, limitation, constraint on my physical body and movements of my physical body a 'normal' way of existing in this world - and in that I have accepted to pay attention to what my body looks like as a picture not realising that I have mistaking the judgement about the picture I create in the world as important and relevant instead of realising that physical intimacy is the key to creating equality with myself.

I realise that I have become so desensitised to my physical body that it is through habitual 'ticks' I see how separate I have become.

I commit myself to create awareness within myself towards my physical body and notice and address any uncomfortable points.

I commit myself to step-by-step and breath-by-breath stop all the habitual ticks that I have accepted as me from moving my hands in a certain ways, to making funny faces while I work on something.

I commit myself to stop placing my body into uncomfortable conditions to correspond to some mind picture/idea/desire.

I commit myself to clear my starting point in how exist/move myself in this world, to be from the inside out, which is therefore directly indicated by how comfortably my body moves in space.

I commit myself stop any judgement around the physical body - whether mine or any other body - and in that I commit myself to develop a gentleness to all physical bodies as I realise that all bodies are one body as the physical substance exist in a continuum all around us - and stop all delusions/aversions to that which is physical, no matter the picture or at what level of dis/un ease the physical is.

I commit myself to support myself as my physical body through stopping my mind, and support myself in stopping habitual movements -so that if and when I do tense up or display a tick, I relax immediately and breath deeply, and I stop all beliefs in the thoughts that arise in this moment. 
[Continue reading...]

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Day 137, 2012 How do I do it? Breathing!

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Artwork Jessica Arias
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can work with the structure that is here to create 'doing' support for myself in actively implementing my Self through breathing as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognise that my life in this world is finite, and that as such I am dealing with a structure of the beginning, middle and end - a structure I can use as a feedback system of and as my Self to understand and apply my Self as me walking my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have tried randomly to remind myself to breathe but it turns out to be a matter of 'here' and 'there' where I am not in the position to create consistency throughout the day yet I have - up until now- not investigated how I can implement breathing consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of structure because I am afraid of creating more characters or more delusions and thus I have been afraid to support myself in creating a framework which I can use as temporary self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my fears and stay away from trying out ways of self-support in breathing because I have not seen or heard anyone else do it and so I had to wait to give myself permission after Anu had confirmed a structural approach to breathing, instead of being here for myself as my Self and doing what seems to make sense to me, without fear of failure or of doing something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat about my incentives of wanting to utilise structure to help me to stay in breath, where I already proclaimed 'that's not going to work either' and in that I do not see that I let the 'I give up' character interfere with trusting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to further fear that I cannot act within that which I intent to do as self-support because I fear that when I interact with others I am unable to stay as Self within my Self and get distracted from implementing that which I decide to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a separation through the anticipation of self-support not working when I interact with others, and in that I have given into the defeat whereby I have catered to my mind instead of standing up to my mind in every moment and not letting myself be affected by past moments where I did not succeed with supporting myself because I was interacting with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that there will always be a reason why this or that might not work, or is too this or that, and it is up to me to no longer believe these ideas because they all lead to stagnation within my process, with the single act of believing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create frustration when I catch myself not breathing which is often the case, and instead of letting the moment go and focussing on the moment that is here, I go into the past and into regret.

I realise that I have to start with the basics and keep doing them until I am proficient in it.

I realise that there is nothing more than the basics to process which entails breathing, eating, drinking, eliminating, sleeping, talking, writing, walking... and other activities that are derived of these basic ones.

I realise that I can now, in this series of self-support, walk the ways I am going to frame my support within my daily living.

I commit myself to wake up in the morning and lie in bed for a few minutes breathing as my physical body where I create in active participation the starting point of my day through breath.

I commit myself to breathe in this moment as my physical body sensing me lying there in bed, the sheets over me, my torso moving up and down, here, in rhythm with the breath of existence, realising the interconnectedness of the physical substance I am in every moment of my life on earth.

I commit myself to lie down in my bed at night and take a few minutes before falling asleep and breathe as my physical body to mark the end point of the day and the starting point of sleep, relaxed, warm, soft, gentle - whereby I let the day not interfere with me here in this moment, where I am all to my Self in self intimacy, just breathing next to my partner, wordless - again, realising the interconnectedness with all that is here.

I commit myself that if and when I do not keep to this structure of teaching myself to breathe deliberately at the starting and end points of transition periods of my day/night I will accept it without frustration or getting upset in any way and, at the same time, I continue to do it until it has become me - regardless of how long it takes for me to 'get it'.

I commit myself that I, with all these ways to support myself, act in a gentle manner with myself as equal to my body who has been unconditionally supporting me throughout my life and thus I give back what I'd like to receive from life as life.  

[Continue reading...]

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Day 136, 2012 No longer limping myself into reality - the beginning of 'doing' support

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Artwork David Tyler Duncan
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conveniently overlook the 'doing' of my process, but have instead given my attention/effort/willingness to my writing of self-honest self-communication, which is what I enjoy - and within that I have deliberately skewed my perception of actually implementing my 'doing' with the same enjoyment and the resulting effort/attention/willingness to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that to enjoy the different parts of my process is a decision I have to make just like the decision to have sex, and when I make that decision and stand one and equal to the enjoyment that I want to bring to myself then what results is effort/attention/willingness and not the other way around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately, when I realise that my perception of something is skewed, stop myself which I know for fact because I see it as latent point, like peripheral vision - something that escapes be because I let it escape from my main focus of attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know that I am letting myself 'off the hook' when it comes to implementation of what I am 'doing' in relation to my writing because I see that I approach the implementation of my writing much more randomly and not as deliberate as I approach my writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that why the writing is fluent and agreeable with me is that I am writing in a group, that I can read other's writing - and so it becomes a "me too" character: I want to be part of this flow of people tapping on their keyboards, having realisations and actively changing themselves - whereby I do not realise that the changing part comes with the walking and that is something that each one does on their own, in their own body, with their own footprints on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "just" focus on breathing, and remind myself whenever I can, yet in my writing I take a point much more seriously where I actually say that I will walk this point in all dimensions by writing about it - and so in my daily applications where I also walk time slots or a form of physical dimensionality, for example: morning, midday, afternoon, evening, night - I do not look at how I can be more effective in my breathing and walking of my points in these time dimensions, not from the perspective of separation but from the perspective of creating self-intimacy because I 'do' different things in these time slots and am able to allow myself attention and focus on my activities within, and thus see how I can better support myself to 'do' my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have left myself in the dark within the walking of my physical reality not understanding that physicality is indeed also communication but not restricted to it: it is also me as the body in time-space that moves through the day and into a number of different activities, where I do not necessarily talk much but I direct myself within the activity and that is something I can address deliberately through implementing the 'doing'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered the implementation of my process into the physical in real terms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have allowed myself to be overwhelmed by my physical world, and looked upon my writing as the abode where I could release being overwhelmed by the amount of different tasks and activities I am faced with, whereby I understand that this is the "I give up" character that I allow myself to exist as - yet not taking the reigns into my hands and making order in my task and activities by considering the implementation of the points that I am walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have existed in separation between the abode that is my writing, and the chaotic reality that I 'do' where I just want to get it all done, and thus having placed my focus on the external world, where matters are dealt with based on the decision of what has to be done in the world - and therefore I see the world, me and my process, me and my writing, as separate entities without being aware of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I am my world - that there isn't something/someone else out there and that the things that seemingly 'happen' or 'don't 'happen' in my life are not done by the something/someone else but me not knowing/understanding how I create myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have admitted to myself that I fear all of what is here because I believe ever so latently that all that is 'out there' is not here with me and in that I have perpetuated to see all that is 'out there' as different from me and have believed my judgement about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not seen the starting point in my neglected implementation of points that I walk in my self-forgiveness writings, which I know as soon as I get into the "commitment" sections where I am often not sure how to commit myself to the points that I am opening up.

I realise that this point of 'commitment turned into doing' I have written about but have never actually tackled this point in self-honesty even though I was aware of it.

I realise that it is up to me to create enjoyment in physical reality when implementing the points that I am walking in my writing.

I realise that I make a choice of seeing the world as 'out there' because I do not want to engage with all its parts and I do not want to engage with having to comply with all of its requirements for living in a society.

I realise that I make myself the centre of attention if I choose to and I have shown myself that when I do so walking my process is so much easier and comfortable and possible.


I commit myself to walk my process by balancing out the imbalances between writing and doing, where I put as much care and emphasis in my 'doing' as in my writing - and in that I create enjoyment of being in the world - no matter what circumstances I am creating/ time looping for myself.

I commit myself to investigate the hows of time-space in my life, meaning what I can do to support myself in physical terms, in real terms, in the daily activities as dimensionalities of living.

I commit myself to realise all fears in relation to the commitments that I am writing and look at the implementation of the commitments as a learning process, in that I take them just as serious as the writing of self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to be practical about writing the commitment statements, meaning that when I get to the commitment section in my blog and I do not know what to write, I reinvestigate the point in my writing and do this until I can write the commitment statements with the same fluency as I am writing the forgiveness statements.

I commit myself to tackle specific areas of my reality where I seem to be more easily stuck or where I conveniently overlook things and accept denial- and within that I do not create separation but acknowledge that some points are more difficult to release in the 'doing' of my world than other points.

I commit myself to move myself from the inside out, like a plant grows, from the seed upwards and onwards, and when I realise that I am involving myself in the physical from the outside in - I examine the point and walk it till it's done - not moving on before and not giving up on it.

[Continue reading...]

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Day 135, 2012 I am the most important person to my self: shared equality, living with you

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Artwork Marlen Vargas Del Razo
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not know how I can be an equal with you in my daily living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into automatic pilot when I see you 'not knowing', in how to do something practically, and where I step in and do it for you, or volunteer showing it to you, without giving you a chance to ask me, or without giving you a chance to find out for yourself by making a few mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I know something, because I have done it a million times I should teach you what I know, not realising that I am acting on my assumptions and not in equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that acting in equality means communication even when it all seems so obvious - to avoid creating from the starting point of assumptions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that in this communication I must provide sufficient context which is yet another form of making assumptions if I don't give more background information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act from experience and thus I am stuck in my past because I will do what I have done before because I know it works, therefore I am no longer open to improvement because I am no longer open to letting a new approach exist - that may be your way of doing things which will be a different perspective as you are not imprinted by experience on this topic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be clear within myself when I request something from you, I have to first investigate my motivation: is it out of convenience? is it because I have resistances? is it something I would do for you as well? - in other words, I have to be clear about my starting point as an equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak up about certain issues that I have discovered as needing direction because I fear creating an emotional response in you, and thus I have lost sight of these issues because I denied them within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny looking at all that I live with you from the starting point of equality and what is here but instead I look at it from the starting point of "what I can live with", whereby I have accepted the circumstances and the pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be clear on the connections between 'independent' as in self-sufficient and 'dependent' as in support; because I have hold on to the pattern of all or nothing, the two poles I recognise from my past (parents' relationship pattern that I have accepted as me).

I realise that I must learn to live as an equal with you and that it will take a process to walk this point.

I realise that to be living in shared equality means that I investigate in an ongoing manner what I accept in my daily living.

I realise that to be living in shared equality means that communication is the only point of reference and all else, all thoughts and emotion/feelings are thoughts that I must stop.

I realise that to be living in shared equality I must ask questions to get answers, to understand the situation and I must do so with patience - the same patience I ask you to have when dealing with me.

I commit myself to put my realisations into lived applications and communicate with you to stop assumptions, to stop build up of denial, to stop judgement and rash action (when 'wanting to show how it's done')

I commit myself to see you as myself in what I would want from you that I am willing to give myself, and vice versa ask you to do the same so that we can establish a give-and-take in equality.

I commit myself to look into my resistance and assess the situation on the basis of the entire context and not just reacting to my resistances by countering my resistance - but to be here and layout the situation in self-honest writing.
[Continue reading...]

Day 134, 2012 I am the most important person to my self: I stop the pattern

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Artwork Andrew Gable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created myself regarding the forming of intimate relationships on the basis of my parents' programs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reconfigured these two base programs in such a way so that I only now realise, through repetition of the pattern, the underlying resemblance to that of my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised that I have created my life in the polar opposite to my parents because I feared repeating to live like my parents and have deluded myself in believing that I was different from my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that I do not have to re-enact what my parents live and that I now can stop this pattern as I have now recognised it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never questioned the dynamic between my parents where my mother acted as a master and slave to all of us, including my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged my parents' relationship negatively but have never investigated further what is actually going on between them because I react emotionally towards my parents' relationship which has prevented me from seeing how I have created myself in their likeness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as superior when I have judged my parents' relationship believing that I would do it all differently and now that I am in the position to do it all differently I see how I first must recognise my programming before I can apply myself to step out of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist inside of me and hold onto it where my father is telling me that he liked to travel and that he was not the one who initiated the marriage which prevented him from continuing to live the same kind of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define opportunity, adventure and excitement within the memory of my father telling me that he liked to travel and that he was not the one who initiated the marriage, which prevented him from continuing to live the same kind of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from opportunity, adventure and excitement through defining opportunity, adventure and excitement within the memory of my father telling me that he liked to travel and that he was not the one who initiated the marriage, which prevented him from continuing to live the same kind of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the starting point in multiple relationships: where I seemingly did not want to get involved with the other person - and by creating the starting point of 'convincing' myself to enter into the relationship, I gave myself permission to not take responsibility for the patterns that I lived 'out' while I was in the relationship where I remained passive in creating a life I wanted to live with the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never questioned why the dynamic of my past relationships repeated itself, and have just accepted that relationships do not work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the same passive pattern - that my father displayed- was what I was accepting to live for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the other 'pole' in my relationship pattern which is based on my mother where I experience myself as 'running' things so that they work efficiently - but essentially I take responsibility for the other and diminish myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have downloaded my parents' programs in how I relate to the other and in that I forgive myself in having created the continuation of programs of abuse and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created frustration and disappointment in not being able to understand the cause for failed relationships, and thus I have isolated myself from relationships instead of investigating myself to that I can let go of this pattern.

I realise that now I have the opportunity to be able to take responsibility for my self in every way where I can integrate myself and my self-responsibility in the living context with another.

I realise that my practicality is only one contribution to a functioning intimate relationship and that this I realise that true equality does not end here- but that it entails me working on myself as self, as one independently functioning entity while relating to the other on the basis of equality.

I commit myself to approach my life in the context of shared equality where I approach my own life as I would if I were on my own, in that all facets of me are dealt with by me as a self.

I commit myself to stop all separation by acknowledging that living as equal means I focus on my life and development yet also acknowledging the stability of the relationship as support for self-development.

I commit myself to investigate on ongoing basis how I am approaching myself as equal and look at all facets of my life and how they play out both in the broader context of society and in the personal context of my daily living application within the relationship.  
[Continue reading...]

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Day 133, 2012 I am the most important person to my self

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have neglected, diminished, and reduced myself in favour of placing my attention and focus upon another person.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts, feelings and emotions come up into my mind that are always involving other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept that I am the most important person to my self, that my focus and awareness must stay with me all of the time and that this is the only way I can direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that directing my attention and focus onto someone else is an excuse for me to not look at myself, to not deal with myself - not realising that I cannot truly share myself with another because I am at all times in my own inverted world and that all "togetherness" I experience is due to my preprogrammed designs and my acceptances and allowances - and so I believe the delusion of sharing when in reality I have given up on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that 'only' focusing on myself is immoral and within that I do not realise that this is a belief which supports the matrix because unless people start to focus on themselves and understand that changing the world is through self change - the system will remain as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that focussing on myself is a form of separation not realising that placing the focus outside of myself is in the fact the separation because then I deny myself self-intimacy and the grasp of my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create excuses for myself as to why I need to focus on someone else and within these excuses I firmly believe that I do not have options.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become the self-diminishing character and have traded close social interaction for making less of myself so that I create a secure position within relating to the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have diminished myself where I no longer see what I need to do for myself because I have neglected myself to the point of having become unrecognisable to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up on myself because I allowed and accepted that what women do is to care for another - and in that I have repeated exactly what my mother has done in her intimate interactions with my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used hope to suppress myself where I projected a point in the future where I believed that things will be better instead of realising that I used hope to blind myself to the present moment and what was going on in my life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always feared this situation and now I have created it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being trapped within an intimate relationship where I become less than the relationship because I have automated myself to displace my self in focussing on the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become fearful of doing things that I used to do without any problems, and that since I have placed my focus and awareness into another these things have become difficult to do because I experience resistance when I do them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have neglected my self across all aspects of myself, including my body and my interests and in that I have shown myself how I have given up on myself, where I have traded myself 'in' for being close with another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have put my efforts into teaching another what I have learned from my life instead of actively forming and shaping the new chapter of my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have realised this already a while back but was to fearful of the consequences and did not have a real solution at hand - hoping that I could make it work without too much change to my current situation.

I commit myself to stop all outside focus at once and focus on me and my life and how I can direct myself.

I commit myself to rectify what I have created by doing what needs to be done and stop my fears in this process of taking responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to stop diminishing myself and stop all excuses and beliefs why I can't focus on myself.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that all are alone together in this life and that sharing is to be an equal here in every moment.

I commit myself to stop denying myself self-intimacy and see, realise and understand that to see into me takes focus and awareness.

I commit myself to stop my fear and look at all my resistances related to intimacy with another.  
[Continue reading...]
 
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