Saturday, September 1, 2012

Day 128, 2012 "I work hard for my money"

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an economical system where my first concern is making money and when I don’t make money I am anxiety-ridden because I fear surviving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an economical system where working hard to make money is at the centre of my life as it is for everyone else' life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted a 'modern' life style, the digital age, where my work load is consistently increasing because I have to keep up with the race of developments, the ever-evolving technology 'draw', because if I don’t I am no longer competitive enough for the work force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an economical system where my life is determined by one point, the making money point, and that I put all of me in this point, which does not leave me much time to develop myself or to understand how I have enslaved myself, and thus I have trapped myself and can no longer see how I can change the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an economical system where I work so hard and invest so much of me so that I minimise all possibilities for me to step out from my creation, and understand in detail what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have taken every possible opportunity that came along throughout the ages to change the system that I have co-created with everyone else, but instead I have accepted and allowed myself to use ever more ‘clever’ methods to trap myself and others (watch: ‘Century of Self’and 'The Trap' by Adam Curtis).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an economical system where those who have money have to work the least because their money works for them, and those with the least money have to work the most, and through this pecking order I create conflict and friction between the 'haves' and the 'have-nots' which has led to war and destruction of the environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a created an economical system where I work so hard to make money, and in the process of working so hard I am entirely unaware of the consequences of my contributions to the destruction of every eco-system on the planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have create an economical system where I work so hard to literally consume myself, where the money I make I use to buy stuff where this stuff I buy is made from materials that are violently sucked out of the earth, as part of the production of goods and services that humans believe they need to have a good life, while this is leaving a trail of abuse and death in its wake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an economical system of that has no respect for anything that is alive, and has blinded me and everyone else to this fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an economical system where I fear dying, based on my fear of survival, of not having my basic needs met, where I do not realise that this fear is a mind fear, not a physical fear, as the physical is always here and only transitions from from one man festation to another - it does not fear dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create stress, fear, anxiety, prudence, caution, loss, greediness, manipulation, sabotage, struggle, anger, sadness, and regret in relation to having to work so hard to make money - no matter how much money I make these thoughts, emotions and behaviours are always on my ‘mind’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a conundrum for all of the world by creating an economical system that has blinded me/us to the point that the most obvious way out, to stand up and stop, can no longer be addressed because the majority of us will defend the system fearing to change the system to a system where everyone is taken care of, because the fear has blinded everyone to a common sense solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer to work hard for my money than not work at all because I have conditioned myself so deeply in ‘needing’ to work, it is a hard-coded program that works like an addiction within me, so that when I don’t work for money I am paralysed, not making the best use of my time because I am so struck by not working as it gnaws on my ego more than any other situation in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unable to use common sense in work situations in what I accept and allow myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for not working hard enough because I realise that I am jealous since I also would like to work as little as possible from the point of making money and have enough money to live on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an economical system where I have worked in a teaching capacity, where I am able to make a difference by teaching the younger generation to take responsibility for one self, yet while I worked so hard in these jobs I made marginal money which created resentment within myself so that I was no longer willing to trade my skills, time and effort for such little pay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that there is a group called Desteni who is taking responsiblity for creating a world that is best for all where the point of money is dealt with from the starting point of equality, which will end the struggle of survival for everyone and related to this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that every moment where I do not give of myself 100% in my participation to the group, as to myself, I create time delays and jeopardise the situation for life to exist on planet earth.


I commit myself to walk my process and breathe through the difficult times related to money and utilise the rock bottom to stand up from the mess that I have created for myself and others.

I commit myself to stop justifying my fears in relation of ‘making money’ and apply myself to create the most optimal situation for all involved in my world.

I commit myself to make breathing my first focus in this life time because through the use of my breath I create stability for myself to deal with the points of my programmed life one by one.

I commit myself to honor the physical for what it is, namely life, and stop all self-abuse in relation to money where I make decisions from the point of what is best for all, whereby I realise that I am part of the equation.

I commit myself to walk my process in the name of all, because all of existence is one and equal, and in that I commit myself to do what it takes to bring about an Equal Money System that ends all slavery in every facet of life on earth.

[Continue reading...]

Friday, August 31, 2012

Day 127, 2012 Self-identification through the 'belonging' character

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Artwork Agnieszka Dine
In my previous post I looked at how I want to ‘go and arrive’ at a place where I feel home, and where I now perceive myself as having arrived in such a place that I want to call ‘home’. In the last couple of days I have been faced with anxiety about a potential move to another continent to which I reacted because I experience myself as wanting to settle where I am now. For the first time I experience myself in wanting to be stable, not running, not searching, but to be ‘local’. What I am realsing is that this is the polarisation of how I existed previously where I all wanted to do is go into the world and explore, follow the excitement, and don’t belong anywhere. In other words, I wanted to belong to ‘not belonging’, whereas now my experience has polarised into wanting to belong to ‘belonging here’. Interesting. I see the idea of belonging somewhere/nowhere directly correlated with how I grew up. In one of my previous posts I talked about the black sheep character and to cope with the perceived stigma and the surrounding situations, I isolated myself from those around me, and this is where my search for belonging began...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to belong or not belong in a place and a way, to compensate for my experience in my childhood where I experienced myself as alienated and outcast within my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to be on the search, on the run, from my childhood experience where I experienced myself as 'not belonging' to my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist inside of me where my mother tells me angrily that the people in this part of the world are not good enough and that this is not what she is used to where she grew up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of my mother telling me angrily that the people in this part of the world are not good enough and that this is not what she is used to where she grew up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define goal-oriented, sophisticated, unqualified, simple, undesirable, restless, and questing within the memory of my mother telling me angrily that the people in this part of tge world are not good enough and that this is not what she is used to where she grew up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from goal-oriented, sophisticated, unqualified, simple, undesirable, restless, and questing through defining goal-oriented, sophisticated, unqualified, simple, undesirable, restless, and questing within the memory of my mother telling me angrily that the people in this part of the world are not good enough and that is not what she is used to where she grew up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that goal-oriented, sophisticated, unqualified, simple, undesirable, restless, and questing are equal and one here as me in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with my mother’s statement of the local people are not being good enough and thus I experienced myself as not good enough because I was born in the place that she targeted with her comment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an attitude and opinion that labelled the place were I grew up as negative/bad/wrong, because I took my mother’s attitude and opinion personal about where I grew up and made it my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the idea/thought that if I were to belong or not belong somewhere my anxiety would be lessened and I would feel more comfortable within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get away from my emotions and thoughts and have believed I can achieve this by seeking excitement and now stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in polarisation and seek to move myself in the physical through and by relocating myself physically to a place or somewhere that I can label positive, and thus persistently being preoccupied within the organisation of physically moving myself instead of facing myself as myself in any environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek identification with a place or people and through identifying myself with the group or place I could experience myself in peace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for something outside of myself that will sooth the empty feeling I experience inside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and use this fear to motivate myself to search for a ‘way’ or ‘place’ of belonging in the external world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I am the place of belonging and that as long as I do not accept myself as Self and impose limitations and conditions upon myself in how I define myself, I drive myself to compensate for not accepting myself to search and find something acceptable outside of my Self that I can identify with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear to not accept my Self as Self, equal to one and all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself so that I have reasons not to accept myself and believe the reasons to be true and thus turn to the external to compensate for what I have judged myself as by finding a place or group where I can belong to.

I commit myself to bring all parts of me home within myself and stop all search in the external to identify myself with, and consider the external world one and equal to my internal world where I end all separation between the two.

I commit myself to stop judging my external environment, and focus on developing myself within because I realise that what matters is who I am wherever I am.

I commit myself to forgive all thoughts that arise in regards to judging and evaluating where I live and what language I speak.

I commit myself to learn to see, realise and understand that all places on earth are created equal and that any judgement that arises is a program that I have allowed myself to exist as. 
[Continue reading...]

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Day 126, 2012 No, not again - I like it here!

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Artwork Kelly Posey

I have recently moved from a small town to a bigger town within the same country. I am now faced with potentially having to move countries - again. I experience myself with resistance, because I like where I live now, and because I have moved so much in my life. Each time I moved it was for a job, or to upgrade my education, and this time is no different. In the previous cases, I was often content to be able to leave again because I was running away from myself, which is something I came to realise. I was running away from my past, my parents, the country I grew up in - but mainly I was running from wanting to see who I had become.

Now I am ready to face myself, and I want to stay put to do so. So I say. But what is this resistance really?

Physical experience:
-contraction in stomach region
-fiddling around in my chair, as if wanting to get up
-sweating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create contractions in my stomach region when a thought comes up about having to move again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself with nervous movements, in an agitated state, while sitting at my desk and dealing with the possibility of having to move again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to break out in sweat because I create anxiety within myself when anticipating that I have to move again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in anxiety of the prospect of having to move again and starting over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'starting over again' within moving house and country.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the ordeal of moving myself and my stuff to another country.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that moving myself and my stuff is an ordeal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ready to face myself and thus I do not have to move to another place/country.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing myself is tied to living somewhere specific, and that I must be comfortable as to where I live, to be able to face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the "I give up" character as I resist opportunities that come my way because I fear having to move house again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to move house again because I want to feel settled somewhere and moving house makes me feel unsettled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that moving house needs to affect me emotionally, where I experience myself in fatigue and the potential stress involved in having to move again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preference where I live in the world because I experience myself as more at ease in one country versus another and because I believe that one country versus another is better organised, more efficient and more practical for my needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that moving my belongings is a burden, because I have to prepare everything for the move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in the desire to speak one language versus another language, and add that to the reason why I don't want to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the world in terms of nations, countries, cultures, mentalities - not realising that these are mental formations, that we, humanity, have put in place, to demarcate our separation in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear moving again because all my routines will go astray and I have to put them back into place again - not realising that routines are habits that I have created to experience myself as stable and secure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself while moving again and getting used to a new environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear about moving again, because I fear wasting time, and to do things that I believe are more important for my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the anticipation character who anticipates an upcoming move even though this is an unsubstantiated future projection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't get to my long-standing projects because I will have to move again, where other things take priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that moving is simply a transposing of my physical existence from one place to another and that I am anyway constantly moving through animating my body (consciously or unconsciously) in the world which reiterates the fact that moving house is not more than that and all else I perceive as part of moving is an attribute of my mind.

I commit myself to release all anticipation about moving house, and see, understand, and realise that moving is only one thing, which is relocating myself somewhere else.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that any perception of being settled or unsettled in emotional terms is utilising the situation to create energetic charges.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that facing myself is something I do in every moment of breath, while here on earth, and that the physical location to face myself is irrelevant to the process of facing myself.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that tasks involved in moving and setting myself up somewhere else are not any special or different than any other tasks and that it is who I am in those tasks that is of significance to my process of breathing and walking out of my mind.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I have all the skills to make moving as easy as possible and that how I experience myself - if I were to move again - is entirely up to me. 


[Continue reading...]

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Day 125, 2012 Manjit and the akashic records

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Artwork Brendan Murphy
 Many many years ago I received a reading from Manjit. She read my akashic records. Only recently I realised that I am still holding on to the memory of her telling how my life will unfold...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my sovereignty away by believing another has a vision of what my life is going to be like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up my self-responsibility by programming myself with the words that were told to me under the guise of akashic records, when I was unable to ever perceive any of these records, I blindly followed what was said because I wanted to believe it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my trust of who and what I can be here in the matrix into the hands of a spiritual person, having no idea what spirituality actually means as physical reality, when it turns out that spirituality has done shit for this world in creating a better place for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be gullible about someone else' words and even pay someone to tell me these words, not realising that in common sense the person made it all up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that if I listen to Manjit's words intently enough then I will understand the deeper meaning of my path in this life, not realising that I was accepting someone else' meaning just like I am accepting someone else' knowledge when I am in school - in both cases I indoctrinated myself and believe  that it is to my advantage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have considered the reading of the akashic records as the high point of my spiritual journey - because I believed that some book in heaven was the ultimate 'government' similar to the 'governments' we allow to exist on planet earth, where we support each other in corruption, deception, conflict and destruction - never realising that what is on earth cannot be different in heaven.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blinded myself with ideas of spirituality where I believed that through spirituality I attain safety and security somewhere some place - which are incongruous ideas when looking at the fact that I am a physical being entirely dependent on all that is physical and all that supports me as the physical that I am - and so never putting 1+1 together and realising the absurity of spirituality which is only concerned with the individual and never considers all of the planet in real terms with practial application because meditation, and spirtual rituals are the lip service of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have deluded myself for so many years with spiritual ideas which illustrates and demonstrates how deluded humans can be and thus is the sure sign that we are on the highway to self-destruction as we are not 'registering' the abuse that is rampant in the world and continue to indulge ourselves in spiritual routine/rituals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been more susceptive towards Eastern philosophies, even Asian people, as with the reading by Manjit because I believed that Easterners have more wisdom and more insights that Westerners can have because Westerners have been too busy building a material world, whereby I associated consumerism with the material world never realising that spiritual rituals, meditation, and Darshan are equally based on consumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories of Manjit telling me that I will 'do' something 'important' in the world - although she never knew what exactly - and that this has put me on quest to find that one thing that I am supposed to be doing, the one thing that is important for the world - and thus I have also excused my curiosity which justified me always looking outside of myself and never inside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define success, fame, recognition, creativity, happiness, money and paradise within the memory of Manjit reading my akashic records and telling me that I will be doing something very important in the world, which involves lots of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from success, fame, recognition, creativity, happiness, money and paradise through defining success, fame, recognition, creativity, money and paradise within the memory of Manjit reading my akashic records and telling me that I will be doing something very important in the world, which involves lots of people, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as embarrassed because I have created so many beliefs about spirituality and I now realise that all are entirely ludicrous.

I commit myself to purify myself from all memories that I have used to program myself in separation of the physical world - in particular all religious and spiritual ideas and orient myself on the physical reality for all my plans and decisions about my life.

I commit myself to tell others about what I have realised by coming from a place of common sense and tangibility.

I commit myself to stop constructing beliefs as I realise how we all function on beliefs and apply myself to be in breath, in my human body, and see, realise and understand that life itself IS the basic existence of eating, drinking, sleeping and eliminating stool and urine from my body.

[Continue reading...]

Day 124, 2012 Fear and the addiction character

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Artwork Andrew Gable
 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to habituate myself on substances/experiences to suppress who I am by using the substance/the experience as escape mechanism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that addictive behaviour does not necessarily entail legal/illegal drugs but can also be food/drinks and other everyday types of experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be swayed as a young person by my peers to engage in smoking and drinking even if I did not like it but have abused myself and forced myself to do so because I wanted to be part of the group and so I made adjustments to fit in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise then - when engaging in drinking and smoking - that I was not trusting myself and that I feared being rejected, just like I feared my parents' rejection where I learned to 'cramp my style', to mould myself into a suitable me that was acceptable to others, and in the course of doing so, I had given up on finding out who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others and have therefore separated myself from others by putting some substance between me and others, which is how I was able to numb myself from the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created situations for myself that I experience as immensely difficult and have used my addictive behaviour to release what I experience as difficult and thus have perpetuated my delusions to further separating myself from what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a belief that an addiction needs to be stopped only when one is dysfunctional in their daily life, not realising that addictive behaviour is detrimental at any stage - as can be seen in the world at large where so many are taking psychopharma and other types of substances that are being pushed for profit, and are considered functional people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself and rather hide in addictive behaviour - whereas I know that hiding causes me to time loop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be influenced by my environment where I give in and give up when something is offered to me that I have decided to no longer do/take/eat/drink because I realise the desire to belong - to be part of another's life - is still within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that in the picture I have of myself is the desire to 'belong' because I fear being alone whereby I do not realise that I can never be alone as I am part of this existence and my perception of alone-ness is the separation I allow myself to exist as in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that my connection to others is not dependent on what I do - in terms of sharing myself with others - but who I am within this sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that being equal to others does not entail to do as they do but it means that I have stopped all separation which is not a matter of consumption but how I do not allow myself to separate myself within my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my fears and have used fear to motivate myself to stay away from all things addictive - where 'out of sight is out of mind' is only a temporary solution and does not address the memories I hold onto that have led me to become addictive in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear emptiness within myself and tried to fill this emptiness through addictive behaviour patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that "I have an addictive personality" which I realise I used as a justification to impose measures of separation upon my life instead of standing equal and one to all substances/foods/drink and experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my behaviour to myself and thus remain trapped in my programming as the justification supported my belief that everything was ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have within my justifications looked towards the external world, to find the reasons that allowed me to continue in my habitual ways - and by doing so blamed my environment for my behaviour. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the fear I fear is me and that by looking at the fear and applying myself through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application I can let go of the fear.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am the one who accepts the fear of fear and that I can stop making fear bigger than myself.

I commit myself to investigate my addictive behaviour pattern and my tendency to overindulge and identify the underlying memories and experience which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that what is underlying addictive behaviour patterns is fear and that I can release all fear through self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop all excuses as to why I need to give into addictive behaviour patterns and to stop my mind by breathing and directing myself in each moment of breath.
[Continue reading...]
 
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