Day 111, My speed freak character: this is too slow for comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never realised that I fear slowing myself down by breathing in awareness because I fear loss of the world around me, in that I fear being left behind by the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made fun of all that is slow - because I feared slowness as I did not understand why it is here. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that I fear slowing myself down because then I would see who I really am, and would be faced with myself - and thus it is safer to speed up and race around in my mind as in the world, because then I do not have to deal with myself, my internal world, but could focus on all that is external. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing who I am because I am not accepting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself, and have therefore done what I can to hide myself from myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself because I fear that when I am faced with who I am, I realise that I cannot continue as I am, and thus I fear changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I don’t know how I created myself, and where I can change myself to become equal and one, because I fear facing myself by slowing myself down. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create all kinds of ideas around time and the length of time - and even perceive time as having to wait for something, instead of just being here as I am being alive. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separated myself from time and therefore separated myself from my breath because breath is the unit of time as I can live it on earth. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have all kinds of excuses and backchat coming up when I want to slow myself down:

“I don’t have time to slow myself down, I am struggling with time as it is”

“Slowing myself down is like multi-tasking, I was never very good at it”

“I can see who I am, I don’t need to go any slower than this”

“I don’t know what they mean by slowing myself down”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe any thought that comes up in relation to slowing myself down, instead stopping the belief and focussing on breath in awareness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divert myself when I am set to slow myself down, instead of not accepting any diversions by patiently bringing myself back to be here, until the diversion subside. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am slowing myself down I will miss something of importance that is happening in my world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am slowing myself down I am not as effective in my performance in the world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that slowing myself down will disturb my communications with others because I fear others will not understand what is going on with me and reject me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear slowing down because then my self-forgiveness flows as I write from Self, which will bring about a change of who I am. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting myself by slowing myself down. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear slowing myself down because I then see what I accept and allow to exist in the world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear slowing myself down because I fear being bored without the entertainment of my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to my mind and thus I fear slowing down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear slowing down because then I am directing myself instead of my mind directing me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have understand that patience and slowness in the world is not accepted, as we only use the idea of patience, to entice ourselves with self-improvement, never actually wanting to better ourselves because we construct a world in competition which is the anthesis to slowing oneself down because to compete we need to speed up to get wherever we think we are going before anyone else. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that slowing myself down is ‘speeding’ myself up because when I am self-directive I am more effective with my time and more effective in having a handle on things in my life.

I commit myself to slowing myself down through my breath,  guided by my breath, in and as my breath.

I commit myself to accept what I see as me when I see me as I slow down, and in that I accept myself to realise that I can change myself to be one and equal with all that is here. 

I commit myself to bring patience into the world as real practical application by slowing myself down as in the moment-by-moment application, and by standing in and as my breath in all my interactions with others. 

I commit myself to layout for others how slowing myself down in breath creates insight into myself and enables me to change myself, by becoming the living example. 

I commit myself to teach children to slow down in breath and to breathe in awareness. 

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Day 110, 2012 The 'security-seeking' character: how we exist in fear of the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future and therefore seek to find security in compromising myself as Self by separating myself from what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe if others do not value me then my future survival is endangered and thus I fear others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations about the future and therefore prepare myself to be ready as I always - secretly - expect the worst to happen. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of my parents telling me to always be prepared for the future because no one knows what it going to happen in the future, and one needs to anticipate it with preparations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a memory of my parents telling me to always be prepared for the future because no one knows what is going to happen in the future, and one needs to anticipate it with preparations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define danger, loss, suffering and hardship within the memory of my parents telling me to always be prepared for the future because no one knows what is going to happen in the future, and one needs to anticipate it with preparations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from danger, loss, suffering and hardship through defining danger, loss, suffering and hardship within the memory of my parents telling me to always be prepared for the future because no one knows what is going to happen in the future and one needs to anticipate it with preparation, in separation of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that danger, loss, suffering and hardship are here as me in every breath, equal and one. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and judge preparations I make for the future - the anticipation of lack and loss in the future -as positive/good/right, not realising that I am determining the future in my participation with the system that I have created as member of the group called humanity. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teach others that we are victims of the future because the future is unknown and we cannot take responsibility for that which is unknown - and thereby passing on my ignorance to others by programming others with the belief that the future is unchangeable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote faith and hope to cover up the collective fear of the future, to suppress making the level of abuse we face daily visible for all to recognise, so that all continue to fear the future instead of taking responsibility for the current system so that we can change it to be a system that is best for all where all are taken care of in the future.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ownership and property will secure my future. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that hoarding objects, food, and tools will secure my future. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that accumulating wealth for myself will secure my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future and therefore I must take from others what I can - and take as much as I can, more than my share- to make sure that I survive and have what I need, regardless of how it affects other beings in the world and all of existence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future because I have created an economic system that is based on fear of survival. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have enslaved all existence because I created an economic system of survival, where all that is in existence is abused and misused in the name of survival. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taught children that they must fear the future because the future cannot guarantee their survival. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use competition in the struggle for survival so that all fear to be losers because only few can be winners. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that consumerism is a diversion from seeing the abuse and destruction of this economic system, and to keep us in enslaved through addictions to experiences in all forms of media, objects, things, and tools.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise if I take responsibility for all beings I can create a system where there is no fear of the future because are all taken care of equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I create attachment to things, beings and places because I believe that attachment is a form of security. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have many times confirmed to myself that the future is unsafe when I had to fall back onto my reserves/objects/collections/savings and this confirmed my fear of the future. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death because fearing my future is to fear surviving thus - I fear the end of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that believing the thought of “my mind will end” is creating fear within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself by fearing the death of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others because I fear myself and others as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others because I fear the death of my mind through others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that I can end my fears  - all of my fears - if I stop fearing myself and fearing the death of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I separate myself from my mind and in this separation I allow the death of my mind to exist. 

I commit myself to end my fear of the future by realising and walking in all detail the specifics of fearing the death of my mind. 

I commit myself to take responsibility for my fears by stopping my fears and stopping my fearful behaviours of anticipating the worst case scenarios in the future, which lead me to all kinds of actions in the physical in form of safety mechanisms: to accumulate objects, food, tools, and memorabilia. 

I commit myself to stop addiction to hoarding and ownership because I fear loss and fear not being able to survive in the future. 

I commit myself to act in common sense regarding all that concerns saving and ownership and focus on becoming equal with all that is here so that I am in the position to bring about the equal money system. 

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Day 109, 2012 My "right" to hate you: arrogance and stubbornness

This is a continuation to post:  Day 44, 2012 My 'rebel' actions are based on anxiety.

To my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have constructed my life in opposition to all that you valued because I tried to get away from suffering and feared that would end up living a life like yours. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have, in this process of removing myself from all that you recommended and wished for my life to become, held a crutch against you because of the way you treated me as a child and wanted to punish you - where I ended up punishing myself in the decisions I have made in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be plagued emotionally by the memories of my childhood and wanted to erase all that you have said to me because I saw no value in it - not because there was no practical value but because I refused to have a closer look at what you said, as I decided to punish you by never trusting you again - and therefore to never trust myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never for a moment have considered the sameness between us but only considered how you did me wrong and how I was a victim because I was innocent being born into a family - never once looking at my position within family/nation/world as a member of humanity and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be - independently from the family I grew up in. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only now deal with this part of me, and have buried all that is ‘parents’ deep inside of me and have carried myself around, suppressed in anger and hate. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have seen no option in how I could have interacted with you because whatever I have tried has failed as I never investigated my starting point or my intention in self-honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider that I have done things in my life that I would do differently now and that those implicated by my actions can equally turn against me - similarly how I turned against you - never giving myself the opportunity to step out of my self-entrapment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have held myself hostage with beliefs and ideas about you, and have constructed out of these beliefs and ideas a secure prison that would keep from looking at myself in depth - and keep me attached to my anger and fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always wanted to change you because I believed that I was “right”, that I was the younger generation that understood the world much better than you - never once questioning my own assumptions and my own stance in the world having been born into a privileged position, having grown up in a time of no war. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed myself in a superior position from which I could dismiss you and from which I navigated my life - in reference to my relationship with you but always in denial that this was so, because I did not see that how I navigated my life was in reaction to your values.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that navigating my life in reaction to yours has given me the opportunity to travel, to step out of the 9-5 slavery, and to do things my way, the bohemian way, because when push came to shove I was always able to fall back on you for help or anything else I needed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the character of the rebel as I believed that I was able to step out of the system, never realising that I was deluding myself, and that I was dependent on you as I am dependent on the system. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have enslaved myself in the same way you have enslaved yourself, and that only now I can recognise how I re-created with you, what you created between yourselves, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my creation, which I was unable to see because my viewpoint is from self-righteousness and superiority from which I continued the cycle of anger and fear. 

I commit myself to take responsibility for all that I am and at the same time take responsibility for the system because I realise that the system and I are one, and that only by taking total responsibility without backdoors can I change myself and thus change the system.  

I commit myself to stop blaming you and investigate how I am repeating the cycle of anger and fear, and release what I have accepted myself to exist as, through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I commit myself to further investigate my relationship with my parents, to understand in every detail how I have programmed myself.

I commit myself to bring about a system where parents are educated parents, in how to raise children by first 'raising' them Selves as beings that value what is best for all life - so that the future generation create a world that is free of suffering and parental abuse - a world where all take responsibility for an equally shared world in an equally shared manner. 

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Day 108, 2012 First impressions: "I like this person/ I don't like this person" part 2

This post is a continuation from the previous post. My focus in on the first group of people in the business transaction I previously described. 

Backchat:

“Omg, they are so obnoxious” 

“I can’t believe there is 10 people of them - they must be clueless that they are ‘mopping’ us”

“I wish they would not speak so loud”

“They are so uptight, I bet they vote for [the most conservative and racist party]...”

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately when I meet new people that correspond to a specific pattern of behaviour: haughty talk, large gestures, and expressing themselves in ‘clichée’ phrases to communicate with me, go into a reaction of ‘dislike’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a database of memories that I have labelled as negative, and as a result I avoid contact with people who I identify to fit these negative labels. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that I meet on the premise of their behaviour as uncouth and expect them to be intolerant and narrow-minded in their views and judgements, not realising that as I am judging them, I am the one who is limited and trapped. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into immediate physical reaction as soon as I have completed the labelling of these newly encountered people where I experience myself as closing up and not wanting to engage unless I have to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep my communication to a minimum in that I answer questions in a terse manner, whereby I enjoy holding back information, because I imagine myself in a power position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to must experience myself in a superior position to easily maintain my conditions/demands/requests/requirements within the interaction with others instead of standing as an equal in breath. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that somewhere I can revenge all the subcultures on earth and all that has been done to them - where I do not grasp that this separation is a superficial distinction, and that this is just a matter of me looking for a scapegoat, so that I can blame others and not have to take responsibility for myself.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in self-interest and satisfy my petty urge for revenge not realising that I am just as trapped as all of humanity and that holding on to my judgement and anger is continuing to be programmed by the one mind we all share. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in victimisation, when I compare myself to others who are considered typical middle-class, which I can see in my automated reactions of "what they have done to me in the past", a reaction I realise only comes to the surface when I meet new people who fit the image of the mainstream, or the typical middle-class. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in deferred self-pitty as I see within these automated reactions towards strangers. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself in the mindset of my former years, where I believed that anger, rebellion and dissatisfaction where enough to change the world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that unless I clear these areas of automated reactions, as they become apparent, I will not change myself nor change the system we currently live in, and will continue to have a secret antagonistic stance towards my parents by holding on to the belief of having been abused due to my parents intolerance and conservatism.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I am separating myself from others in spitefulness, where I am intolerant and blinded by my beliefs and memories - and I am the bully of life, not recognising that what I see in others is part of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to be attracted to society’s marginalised subcultures because I labelled and categorised the mainstream, middle-class culture as limiting, conservative and intolerant, and in doing so I looked towards the polar opposites to escape, which I found in marginalised subcultures.

I commit myself to investigate my beliefs that are triggered by haughty talk, large gestures, and speaking in ‘clichée’ phrase, which exist as indicators for me to react in automated anger.

I commit myself to push myself to stop judgement and backchat when I meet new people - I stop evaluating others and refrain from making a decision whether or not I like or dislike them. 

I commit myself to clear my starting point/expectation when I first meet new people. 

I commit myself to stop bullying life by committing myself to clear all beliefs, opinions and assumptions I have about other people. 

I commit myself to end all spitefulness and start with myself, and in that I commit myself to end all victimisation that I accept myself to exist as. 

I commit myself to expose myself to situations where I meet new people to test my reactions because I realise that I must break out of my habitual environment, and engage with people of all walks of life to expose my automated behaviours and forgive myself for having programmed myself in this manner. 

Reference: http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-109-parents-create-hate.html

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Day 107, 2012 First impressions: “I like this person/ I don’t like this person” part 1

I have recently been in a situation where I/we had to choose between two groups of people in a ‘business’ transaction, where I/we were selling something of value and I/we had to choose the buyer. I realised that my interactions where influenced by whether I liked the people or not - I judged them by what they represented and how they behaved towards me/us, in terms of estimating their trustworthiness - after all this was business. I was not familiar with either party, so these people where strangers. I saw how automated I reacted to both groups. 

In the first instance, I/we met with the first group, it was very difficult for me to relate to their ways of being, I realised that what they represented to me was the memory I had on the label of: “the typical obnoxious middle class”, the people I remembered that used to point fingers at me, back in the days, when others called me “weird” because of my associations with marginalised sub cultures - and also in some ways they reminded of my parents. I saw that it was very easy for me to remain stable with my business conditions but I could barely talk to them, I felt anger without even knowing why. Afterwards, I investigated my anger and realised that I experienced myself as a victim - “I hate your middle class intolerance” - which I will be walking in the next post.

The focus of this post is the second group of people I liked much better, they were offbeat and 'cultured', and I could identify with them.  I realised that I started to waiver in my business conditions because I liked them.  I experienced a form of self-diminishment which of course comes with monetary consequences in all transactions. 

Backchat:

"Oh, they are so much nicer" 

"They are quiet and low key"

"They don’t look like the other group either"

"The woman seems to be in charge, I like that" 

"They are much more hip and modern and interested in culture"

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically judge people based on how they present themselves so that I can create a sense of security for myself through judgements, and the subsequent categorisation of the person(s) according to my database of labels and the corresponding attributes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this database consists of memories and experiences, which I am holding onto so that I can exist as I have always existed, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created myself as a database of memories and experiences which I am holding onto as I am holding onto the preprogrammed designs and automated behavioral patterns. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this categorisation and labelling of others is also how I categorise and label myself where I force myself to fit a certain label that I have conjured up in my mind, where all content of these memories and experience are linked to the database that I accept myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the symbolism of the two dividing poles, the positive and negative labelling and categorising, is the basis of my database of memories and experiences as they provide crutches for me to navigate my interactions in the world where I am always looking for that one positive thing and trying to get away from that one negative thing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created my life around relationships of positive labels and in that I have diminished myself to make sure I would not create disturbing ripples that would cause the relationship to break down and I would have been at fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in an “urge” to relate to total strangers who I will never see again just so that I can satisfy my habitual linking of what I see and experience to my database of memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot exist in the world without relating to another regardless in what context, and have therefore never considered the consequences of these relationships and how they create the bigger picture of this world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach people I have never met from the point of self-interest, where I pay attention to what this person represents in my life: my desires, my fears - in short my future projections, and have positioned myself accordingly, either as inferior or superior. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that unless I clear myself, remain in breath, and I am aware of these patterned behaviours I entrap myself each time I meet a new person. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to translate this “I like you/ I don’t like you” character into bodily movements where I will make more physical effort to accommodate and sell myself to the person(s) I like, and likewise, will engage less with person(s) I don’t like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more outgoing with the person(s) I like, more willing to share myself and likewise, will remain quiet and in the background with person(s) I don’t like. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have automated my behaviour to categorise people into liking and disliking, whereby I let go of my personal power when I like them and strengthen my personal power when I don’t like them - therefore, in a professional context I can maintain my objective when I don’t like the people I am interacting with but on the contrary, I falter in maintaining my objective when I like the people. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my personal power subject of a win/lose dynamic where I believe because I like someone I have something to lose and if I don't like someone I have nothing to lose. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this win/lose dynamic is entirely automated and that I am only reacting just like any programmed machine - hence I can stop this by applying my SELF. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have automated myself when meeting new people to search for “overlapping” labels in my database of memories and experiences- so that I can identifiy with the person(s) because I have ‘found’ matching labels and can thus feel good about myself and the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then be able to say "me too" and therefore create a bond with this/these person(s) because of a shared label.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with people I like and thus create limitations in what and how I can engage socially and on what level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people I like because I am afraid of betraying their trust and end up feeling guilty about it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a physical reaction in my solar plexus, where I am contracting myself, when I am about to address someone as the "I like this person" character with my conditions/requests/demands/requirements - and in that moment limit myself in standing firm by my conditions/requests/demands/requirements, and quickly compute in my mind where/how I can lessen these conditions/requests/demands/requirements  - because I believe that my conditions/requests/demands/requirements are too much to ask for. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘make up my mind’ about liking someone and then react in anger, once I realise what I am doing, in how I diminish myself, instead of gently bringing myself back to breath and pushing through the barrier of limitation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my thoughts that there is still something to be had about liking/not liking someone - in the sense that I still believe that it will have some advantage for me if I were to like the person - not realising that all this is a mind trap, because as I have seen "liking someone"  means I am willing to diminish myself, as I have equated "liking" with making "less" of myself.  

I commit myself to stop my automated behaviour where I, as the program I am, decide whether I like or not like a new person I meet - I understand that these moments are manifested consequences of the constituents of polarisation, which are evident in what we are living on a global scale. 

I commit myself to stop limiting myself in creating behaviour of programmed labels, categories, and attributes and stop holding on to the crutches of a perceived security by dividing the world into good/positive/right and bad/negative/wrong.

I commit myself to investigate any kind of reaction I have towards others - positive and negative - and to bring it back to Self, and release these reactions through letting go of memories, beliefs, feelings and emotions - so that I can walk free from being tied to my past. 

I commit myself to delete the database of memories and experience that I exist as. 

Reference:

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-44-character-game.html

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Day 106, 2012 From the “I don’t feel like it” character to the “I can’t stop character”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the “I don’t feel like it” character which diverts me from re-creating myself moment-by-moment by breathing here and stepping out of my programmed, automated behavioural patterns but instead I allow myself to engage in diverting activities, and spiral into more patterned behaviour finally ending up with the “I can’t stop” character. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the negative feeling that came up as a flag to let me know that I am about to accept the “I don’t feel like it” character because I did not realise that I had accepted this negative feeling to be me instead of realising that I am here in breath and the ‘me’ that is Self is always here to direct me as Self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let myself be directed by the “I don’t feel like it” character because I am addicted to the emotions and feelings I produce as a result of my life experience and my programs that I allow myself to be, which are in essence the pendulum that swings from negative to positive states of being that I have created and configured to in fear of survival in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been proud of my life experience not realising that my life is a series of episodes, of characters that have run my life like a puppet on a string. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when we turn around and do that what we do to ourselves to animals - these acts produce the same result for all to see: caged animals have nothing left to do but to pace back and forth in their cage, which is exactly what we have done to ourselves by caging our lives bouncing off the walls of this cage: the negative and positive emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never given myself permission to no longer utlise feelings and emotions and to set myself free from the cage of emotions and feelings. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of bringing myself here in every moment and dropping the feelings and emotions, I step into the continuation of the next character, the “I can’t stop” character, because I have given into the negative feeling and diverted myself with an activity that I have programmed myself to experience as positive release in response to the “I don’t feel like it” character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the experience the positive feeling not realising that this positive feeling and the activity that I do in this moment is an addiction within the addiction all based on emotions and feelings, and in that I realise that I must take my power back as self and stop the “I don’t feel like it” character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the “I don’t feel like it” character comes into being via the best excuses that I formulate for myself and in that I must realise that all that I do that is not planned for the day - can be attributed to the mind and is not self-directed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I ‘steal’ myself time and breath by following the “I don’t feel like it” character. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I always have the possibility to push myself into the here, and that this is the solution and my focus, while  I stop all regret about the times when I failed to push myself - ready to push myself the next time. 

I commit myself to stop all urges to give into the “I don’t feel like it” character, meaning I stop myself from following along with my negative feelings.

I commit myself to strive for 100% application of myself to not become the “I don’t feel like it” character but when I have entered into this character I wake myself up and stop immediately so that I do not end up with the “I can’t stop’ character. 

I commit myself to make myself aware to take the symbolism of the reality we live in literal because that is the actual reality - in simplicity. 

I commit myself to look at anything that is not of my schedule/plan for the day, and to investigate these areas so that I stop self-sabotage and manipulation. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when the " I don't feel" character comes on - and thus train myself to breathe in awareness via self-direction. 

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