Saturday, August 4, 2012

Day 108, 2012 First impressions: "I like this person/ I don't like this person" part 2

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This post is a continuation from the previous post. My focus in on the first group of people in the business transaction I previously described. 
Backchat:
“Omg, they are so obnoxious” 
“I can’t believe there is 10 people of them - they must be clueless that they are ‘mopping’ us”
“I wish they would not speak so loud”
“They are so uptight, I bet they vote for [the most conservative and racist party]...”

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately when I meet new people that correspond to a specific pattern of behaviour: haughty talk, large gestures, and expressing themselves in ‘clichée’ phrases to communicate with me, go into a reaction of ‘dislike’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a database of memories that I have labelled as negative, and as a result I avoid contact with people who I identify to fit these negative labels. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that I meet on the premise of their behaviour as uncouth and expect them to be intolerant and narrow-minded in their views and judgements, not realising that as I am judging them, I am the one who is limited and trapped. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into immediate physical reaction as soon as I have completed the labelling of these newly encountered people where I experience myself as closing up and not wanting to engage unless I have to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep my communication to a minimum in that I answer questions in a terse manner, whereby I enjoy holding back information, because I imagine myself in a power position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to must experience myself in a superior position to easily maintain my conditions/demands/requests/requirements within the interaction with others instead of standing as an equal in breath. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that somewhere I can revenge all the subcultures on earth and all that has been done to them - where I do not grasp that this separation is a superficial distinction, and that this is just a matter of me looking for a scapegoat, so that I can blame others and not have to take responsibility for myself.  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in self-interest and satisfy my petty urge for revenge not realising that I am just as trapped as all of humanity and that holding on to my judgement and anger is continuing to be programmed by the one mind we all share. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in victimisation, when I compare myself to others who are considered typical middle-class, which I can see in my automated reactions of "what they have done to me in the past", a reaction I realise only comes to the surface when I meet new people who fit the image of the mainstream, or the typical middle-class. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in deferred self-pitty as I see within these automated reactions towards strangers. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself in the mindset of my former years, where I believed that anger, rebellion and dissatisfaction where enough to change the world. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that unless I clear these areas of automated reactions, as they become apparent, I will not change myself nor change the system we currently live in, and will continue to have a secret antagonistic stance towards my parents by holding on to the belief of having been abused due to my parents intolerance and conservatism.  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I am separating myself from others in spitefulness, where I am intolerant and blinded by my beliefs and memories - and I am the bully of life, not recognising that what I see in others is part of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to be attracted to society’s marginalised subcultures because I labelled and categorised the mainstream, middle-class culture as limiting, conservative and intolerant, and in doing so I looked towards the polar opposites to escape, which I found in marginalised subcultures.
I commit myself to investigate my beliefs that are triggered by haughty talk, large gestures, and speaking in ‘clichée’ phrase, which exist as indicators for me to react in automated anger.
I commit myself to push myself to stop judgement and backchat when I meet new people - I stop evaluating others and refrain from making a decision whether or not I like or dislike them. 
I commit myself to clear my starting point/expectation when I first meet new people. 
I commit myself to stop bullying life by committing myself to clear all beliefs, opinions and assumptions I have about other people. 
I commit myself to end all spitefulness and start with myself, and in that I commit myself to end all victimisation that I accept myself to exist as. 
I commit myself to expose myself to situations where I meet new people to test my reactions because I realise that I must break out of my habitual environment, and engage with people of all walks of life to expose my automated behaviours and forgive myself for having programmed myself in this manner. 

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Day 107, 2012 First impressions: “I like this person/ I don’t like this person” part 1

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I have recently been in a situation where I/we had to choose between two groups of people in a ‘business’ transaction, where I/we were selling something of value and I/we had to choose the buyer. I realised that my interactions where influenced by whether I liked the people or not - I judged them by what they represented and how they behaved towards me/us, in terms of estimating their trustworthiness - after all this was business. I was not familiar with either party, so these people where strangers. I saw how automated I reacted to both groups. 
In the first instance, I/we met with the first group, it was very difficult for me to relate to their ways of being, I realised that what they represented to me was the memory I had on the label of: “the typical obnoxious middle class”, the people I remembered that used to point fingers at me, back in the days, when others called me “weird” because of my associations with marginalised sub cultures - and also in some ways they reminded of my parents. I saw that it was very easy for me to remain stable with my business conditions but I could barely talk to them, I felt anger without even knowing why. Afterwards, I investigated my anger and realised that I experienced myself as a victim - “I hate your middle class intolerance” - which I will be walking in the next post.
The focus of this post is the second group of people I liked much better, they were offbeat and 'cultured', and I could identify with them.  I realised that I started to waiver in my business conditions because I liked them.  I experienced a form of self-diminishment which of course comes with monetary consequences in all transactions. 
Backchat:
"Oh, they are so much nicer" 
"They are quiet and low key"
"They don’t look like the other group either"
"The woman seems to be in charge, I like that" 
"They are much more hip and modern and interested in culture"

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically judge people based on how they present themselves so that I can create a sense of security for myself through judgements, and the subsequent categorisation of the person(s) according to my database of labels and the corresponding attributes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this database consists of memories and experiences, which I am holding onto so that I can exist as I have always existed, in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created myself as a database of memories and experiences which I am holding onto as I am holding onto the preprogrammed designs and automated behavioral patterns. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this categorisation and labelling of others is also how I categorise and label myself where I force myself to fit a certain label that I have conjured up in my mind, where all content of these memories and experience are linked to the database that I accept myself to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the symbolism of the two dividing poles, the positive and negative labelling and categorising, is the basis of my database of memories and experiences as they provide crutches for me to navigate my interactions in the world where I am always looking for that one positive thing and trying to get away from that one negative thing. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created my life around relationships of positive labels and in that I have diminished myself to make sure I would not create disturbing ripples that would cause the relationship to break down and I would have been at fault.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in an “urge” to relate to total strangers who I will never see again just so that I can satisfy my habitual linking of what I see and experience to my database of memories.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot exist in the world without relating to another regardless in what context, and have therefore never considered the consequences of these relationships and how they create the bigger picture of this world. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach people I have never met from the point of self-interest, where I pay attention to what this person represents in my life: my desires, my fears - in short my future projections, and have positioned myself accordingly, either as inferior or superior. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that unless I clear myself, remain in breath, and I am aware of these patterned behaviours I entrap myself each time I meet a new person. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to translate this “I like you/ I don’t like you” character into bodily movements where I will make more physical effort to accommodate and sell myself to the person(s) I like, and likewise, will engage less with person(s) I don’t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more outgoing with the person(s) I like, more willing to share myself and likewise, will remain quiet and in the background with person(s) I don’t like. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have automated my behaviour to categorise people into liking and disliking, whereby I let go of my personal power when I like them and strengthen my personal power when I don’t like them - therefore, in a professional context I can maintain my objective when I don’t like the people I am interacting with but on the contrary, I falter in maintaining my objective when I like the people. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my personal power subject of a win/lose dynamic where I believe because I like someone I have something to lose and if I don't like someone I have nothing to lose. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this win/lose dynamic is entirely automated and that I am only reacting just like any programmed machine - hence I can stop this by applying my SELF. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have automated myself when meeting new people to search for “overlapping” labels in my database of memories and experiences- so that I can identifiy with the person(s) because I have ‘found’ matching labels and can thus feel good about myself and the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then be able to say "me too" and therefore create a bond with this/these person(s) because of a shared label.  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with people I like and thus create limitations in what and how I can engage socially and on what level.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people I like because I am afraid of betraying their trust and end up feeling guilty about it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a physical reaction in my solar plexus, where I am contracting myself, when I am about to address someone as the "I like this person" character with my conditions/requests/demands/requirements - and in that moment limit myself in standing firm by my conditions/requests/demands/requirements, and quickly compute in my mind where/how I can lessen these conditions/requests/demands/requirements  - because I believe that my conditions/requests/demands/requirements are too much to ask for. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘make up my mind’ about liking someone and then react in anger, once I realise what I am doing, in how I diminish myself, instead of gently bringing myself back to breath and pushing through the barrier of limitation. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my thoughts that there is still something to be had about liking/not liking someone - in the sense that I still believe that it will have some advantage for me if I were to like the person - not realising that all this is a mind trap, because as I have seen "liking someone"  means I am willing to diminish myself, as I have equated "liking" with making "less" of myself.  
I commit myself to stop my automated behaviour where I, as the program I am, decide whether I like or not like a new person I meet - I understand that these moments are manifested consequences of the constituents of polarisation, which are evident in what we are living on a global scale. 
I commit myself to stop limiting myself in creating behaviour of programmed labels, categories, and attributes and stop holding on to the crutches of a perceived security by dividing the world into good/positive/right and bad/negative/wrong.

I commit myself to investigate any kind of reaction I have towards others - positive and negative - and to bring it back to Self, and release these reactions through letting go of memories, beliefs, feelings and emotions - so that I can walk free from being tied to my past. 
I commit myself to delete the database of memories and experience that I exist as. 

Reference:
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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Day 106, 2012 From the “I don’t feel like it” character to the “I can’t stop character”

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the “I don’t feel like it” character which diverts me from re-creating myself moment-by-moment by breathing here and stepping out of my programmed, automated behavioural patterns but instead I allow myself to engage in diverting activities, and spiral into more patterned behaviour finally ending up with the “I can’t stop” character. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the negative feeling that came up as a flag to let me know that I am about to accept the “I don’t feel like it” character because I did not realise that I had accepted this negative feeling to be me instead of realising that I am here in breath and the ‘me’ that is Self is always here to direct me as Self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let myself be directed by the “I don’t feel like it” character because I am addicted to the emotions and feelings I produce as a result of my life experience and my programs that I allow myself to be, which are in essence the pendulum that swings from negative to positive states of being that I have created and configured to in fear of survival in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been proud of my life experience not realising that my life is a series of episodes, of characters that have run my life like a puppet on a string. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when we turn around and do that what we do to ourselves to animals - these acts produce the same result for all to see: caged animals have nothing left to do but to pace back and forth in their cage, which is exactly what we have done to ourselves by caging our lives bouncing off the walls of this cage: the negative and positive emotions and feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never given myself permission to no longer utlise feelings and emotions and to set myself free from the cage of emotions and feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of bringing myself here in every moment and dropping the feelings and emotions, I step into the continuation of the next character, the “I can’t stop” character, because I have given into the negative feeling and diverted myself with an activity that I have programmed myself to experience as positive release in response to the “I don’t feel like it” character.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the experience the positive feeling not realising that this positive feeling and the activity that I do in this moment is an addiction within the addiction all based on emotions and feelings, and in that I realise that I must take my power back as self and stop the “I don’t feel like it” character.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the “I don’t feel like it” character comes into being via the best excuses that I formulate for myself and in that I must realise that all that I do that is not planned for the day - can be attributed to the mind and is not self-directed. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I ‘steal’ myself time and breath by following the “I don’t feel like it” character. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I always have the possibility to push myself into the here, and that this is the solution and my focus, while  I stop all regret about the times when I failed to push myself - ready to push myself the next time. 
I commit myself to stop all urges to give into the “I don’t feel like it” character, meaning I stop myself from following along with my negative feelings.
I commit myself to strive for 100% application of myself to not become the “I don’t feel like it” character but when I have entered into this character I wake myself up and stop immediately so that I do not end up with the “I can’t stop’ character. 

I commit myself to make myself aware to take the symbolism of the reality we live in literal because that is the actual reality - in simplicity. 

I commit myself to look at anything that is not of my schedule/plan for the day, and to investigate these areas so that I stop self-sabotage and manipulation. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when the " I don't feel" character comes on - and thus train myself to breathe in awareness via self-direction. 
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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

105, 2012 My character, the lecturer: educating others

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a system that requires each child and young adult to participate in a process of information and knowledge acquisition -  where what has been acquired by the individual has to be tested and evaluated from the perspective that the outcome indicates the value of the person in the economic system and determines the quality of their life and ability to survive. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have required young adults to abuse themselves with hours of indoctrination of knowledge and information, in fear and anxiety - and for believing that studying/learning is the reason for human civilisation, which requires us to discipline the younger generations for the sake of information and knowledge, not in the support of life, because that which has been produced by others must be passed on to younger generations to maintain the current tradition of learning without clear understanding of the longterm consequences. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never considered the act of how we educate the younger generation as abusive, where we impose knowledge and information onto others because we accept that the age difference between student and teacher is grounds for authority and superiority, and that this gives us permission to determine the life of another.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have taught from the assumption that we, the members of the faculty, know what we are doing because we have investigated and researched the point of education/cognition, yet we have never taken a close look in how education produces the world we live in today, a world where educated humans will let other humans go without food and where abusive patterns of behaviour determine the course of life on earth. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation from knowledge and information and the physical world, as I have never made the connection of relevance of knowledge and information to the physical world, but have been unaware that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse and use the physical world in service of knowledge and information to proliferate self-interest, greed and ignorance. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have blamed industry, corporations, banks and multinationals for the destruction of the world never realising that the people who are running the economy were once young adults that were shaped in their way of thinking and behaving by the educational system which puts the educational system on the front line of what we live today in producing adults that do not take responsibility for the economic system we have created  - a system where the very survival of all life is threatened in the long run. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that research pertaining to cognition and general understanding of how humans learn is viewed in isolation from the world we exist in -  whereby the reality versus theory of pedagogy does not consider the human’s cognitive ability, from the perspective of an individual process but instead overloads students, essentially ignoring what is known about learning because schools/universities are government funded or private businesses that are in competition for funding, and thus must focus on getting as many students through the ranks of their school/university as possible.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that parents believe that schools/university are providers of good education, because parents themselves do not question their own qualifications of parenting - and are equally divorced from seeing the connections between the world we create, how we raise and educate children.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that all school reforms have taken place under the same paradigm of evaluating the person’s value as money-maker through evaluating the person’s performance as potential 'cog in the wheel' - without realising the school's/university's responsibility that to reform the educational system it first requires to reform the economic system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have  realised that the educational system has never questioned its relationship to money and where the money comes from to 'create' education - via government, military, law enforcement - and in that have adjusted all teaching to be in support of an abusive system, to brainwash all involved,  because the very survival of the educational system depends on this relationship.  


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that as long as we do not change the economic system, our educational system will not change because it is through education that we maintain the system by indoctrinating children and young adults to function in competition and seek value as themselves through performance within the system. 
I commit myself to steadily work towards changing this system by first making others aware of how the current system works, and to change the economic system, and then to implement a new educational system where we stop evaluating human life on the premise of being able to perform for money. 
I commit myself to stop all performance for money, all equations/exchanges of life as money, and delete all relationships with money as they currently exist in the world, and focus on creating a single relationship where money is used in the service of life - for what is best for all.
I commit myself to create an educational system that will treat all participants of the system as equals, regardless of their age, gender, or any other physical attribute.
I commit myself to create an educational system which is focussed on creating equality and oneness on earth, where students and teachers learn to live in equality and learn to act from the starting point of what is best for all.
I commit myself to prepare myself as contributor by walking my process and rebirthing myself from the physical and to assist others to do the same. 
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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

104, 2012 My character, the lecturer

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that the information and knowledge I am lecturing to others has been handed down to me, yet I believe that in my research I in fact create new information and knowledge when all I do is find the "holes" or "gaps" in existing knowledge never breaking lose from the existing ideologies, paradigms, and fundamental belief systems - merely reworking what is already there and supporting the endless fragmentation of ourselves by finding ever new ways to separate the knowledge and information, in total oblivion of what we are doing to ourselves and this existence. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that when lecturing at university I am selling information and knowledge, like any sales person, and have applied the same deception and manipulation techniques as it is done in sales to make money because lecturing and teaching is essentially about making money and not about education. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have believed that knowledge and information is special as it is the basis of culture and society and therefore have stood as inferior to culture and society, never questioning the role of education in creating the system in all its facets: economic, parenting, food and goods production, scientific research, infrastructure, entertainment and health care - in what we live today where abuse, conflict, greed and ignorance reigns.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never taken responsibility for educating young adults to function as members of society who do not take responsibility for what we have created collectively but have indoctrinated the younger generation to share the same starting point of self-interest and fear of survival.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have believed that culture and society is the outcome of evolution which cannot be changed and have never questioned the role of the human in this evolution because the foundation of all ideas on evolution accept the premise that there is a god or some higher entity which is responsible for us, and that the very survival of our species is the result of “survival of the fittest” - which is how we justify our claim as the most intelligent species on the planet because we have enslaved all other species, as an indication that we are the fittest of them all. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have justified our educational system as part of the evolution towards wealth, comfort and well-being whereby I have never considered that more than half of the world lives on the brink of survival, and have never looked at the reasons for that in common sense, to see my part in the creation of this situation but buried my head in knowledge and information believing that with more knowledge, technology and economic wealth that some day those people will also have a better life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never taught as equal but taught in competition with digital culture entertainment representations because I applied myself to make the material that I am teaching and lecturing enticing as energetic decoy to capture the students’ attention because I saw it as the necessity ‘to do all in my power’ to motivate the students to obtain good grades.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be equal to the information and knowledge that I am lecturing to students but to have many times considered it useless and superfluous - in my secret mind - and have manipulated myself to be a good performer during the lecture because I want to keep my job so that I can survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been blind to the fact that wanting to be a good teacher means that I endorse the system and all its abuse and from the starting point of self-interest because under the guise of wanting to be a good teacher I satisfied my ego and justified the means necessary to reach this goal. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have experienced myself in emotional distress because I experienced lecturing/teaching as a nuisance as I realised that students and I were mutually enslaved through the teaching and assessing dynamic - where I would teach the same material time and again and marking the same assignments time and again - both lecturer and student trapped in this cycle to only fulfil the ideas of education without any real education that would change the world to be a better place for all.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have experienced myself as helpless because I realised that lecturing/teaching is all about bending others to my will, whereby my will is the will of the system, as I have taken my place in the pecking order, which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and have become an executioner of this system when teaching the younger generations. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have experienced myself in anger when students did not bend to my will and fulfilled my expectations - which is evidence of dishonesty that I do not care about my students’ learning but about my reputation as a lecturer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself with attributes of the lecturer character, to be articulate, intelligent, objective, knowledgable, presentable, pleasant, friendly, charming, accessible, inquisitive, caring, motivating, encouraging, fair, eloquent, appropriate, concerned, understanding, attentive, responsible, reasonable, open-minded, forward-thinking, creative, efficacious, disciplined, hard-working, self-less, reflecting, ethical, morally sound, cautious, careful, diligent, accomplished, curious, specialised, a didactical speaker, an unbiased listener, and a role-model.
I commit myself to stop programming myself as the lecturer character and realise that I can let go of all beliefs what a lecturer must be, as well as all fears of not being what a lecturer should be as defined by society, because I realise that this is not who I am but a personality suit that I have put on, with a multitude of characters, as that is what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be, so that we continue to perpetuate the system we have created. 
I commit myself to investigate all emotional charges I have accumulated around lecturing and presenting of information and knowledge and to identify my ego mechanisms through self-forgiveness and walk the self-corrective application.  
I commit myself to stand as an equal to the information and knowledge as well as all the students that I encounter as part of my position in the system. 
I commit myself to accept for the time being that I must teach from the point of the system but in that I realise that it is about who I am when I lecture and in that I commit myself to walk the commitment of my process to bring about a new educational system that functions from the starting point of oneness and equality. 
I commit myself to wake up others who believe that knowledge and information is the way to create a better future for planet earth by walking my own process and by exposing the small and big lies we live in every breath so that we can all purify our breaths and create a system where education transforms all ideas we have of humans and human nature, and where for the first time we evolve as one humanity through caring for each other from the point of oneness and equality.
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Sunday, July 29, 2012

Day 103, 2012 ...giving up? Fear of change because I fear loss

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear changing my life because I fear not being effective in my commitments as I do not trust myself that I will be able to handle the demands of various commitments at the same time if I were to change my life, and thus will not be able to participate as I would like to participate because I simply won’t have the time. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use fear of loss, that is: having the time to fulfill my commitments and fearing that I lose this time when I change my life - as an excuse to not wanting to change my life although I know that I must so that I stand as functional member within society as that is best for all.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this fear of change to manipulate myself physically by producing contracting sensations in my solar plexus every time I think of how my life will have to change, and instead of stopping my future projections in which I mull over and plot how I will structure my life in the future to compensate for not having the same amount of time - I do not see what needs to be done in the moment here where there is plenty to organise and orchestrate but it does not get done because I am sucked into my mind where I exist as the “I give up” character. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the consequence of me believing to be the “I give up” character is that I no longer effectively participate in my reality and that I allow for follow-up excuses that create a trail of self-diminishment in all arenas of my life because having given into one excuse makes it much easier to give into multiple excuses, to give up, in other parts of my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use fear of change to stagnate in my life - to keep myself in a transition state - and looping over the same issues instead of setting myself free from the “I give up” character by trusting myself and by understanding that it is about who I am in every moment and not what I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted this situation: that on the one hand I do want to change my life because I am fed up with the current situation, the lack of self-direction in the physical, yet I brace myself by believing the thoughts of my mind which are the backchat in form of the fear of loss created by my “I give up” character - not realising that in order to move myself I must first move this character out of the way. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am still hiding from myself within this situation because the fear of change is also the fear of failing to heed my commitments, which is really about my ego fearing that others can no longer see that I am fulfilling my commitments, therefore the “I give up” character is guided by the “reputation” character which exists because I do not trust myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not seen the cascade of characters involved in this fear of change because I have suppressed this fear and believed that it would go away if I ignore it. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that all my fears created around this change are not taking physical reality into account, as well as the current actual circumstances of my life, whereby I recognise that I have no means to understand or predict what is going to happen once I change my life- therefore I have created fear of change based on the movie in my mind and have distracted myself with this fear by not getting things done - by not looking at who I am in every moment- and not responding according to my abilities to bring about the necessary change. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still believe that I, as my mind, can know things about the future, when only in self-honesty I can know the future because of my accepted allowances which will perpetuate that which I have allowed myself to exist as in my starting point.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the fear of change and fear of loss is the backchat of my “I give up” character, and that I can simply stop it by stopping the ‘thought seed’ of heaviness, the gloomy and dark picture of a burden coming down from the sky - a god of punishment, who I have evoked because I am not taking responsibility for myself - thus I am still a believer, who believes in god as the one who determines my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this belief in a greater force running my life, which somewhere exists within me based on what I see as the consequence of myself, the preprogrammed automated behaviour patterns, which I allow to be bigger than Self. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the situation/pattern that I am describing here is actually quite simplistic and only hinges on a few beliefs that cause an avalanche of characters to come into play, to keep my Self hidden from my Self. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my focus is to be self-directed at all times for which I do not need the “I give up” character nor do I need my mind but I require my Self to apply common sense and breathing in awareness. 

Thus, I realise that I am equal to all that is here and that no situation can ever be bigger than me unless I make it so through feelings/emotions/beliefs.

I commit myself to stop believing in polarity forces and penetrate all that is polarity within me through writing my Self out and breathing life into my writings by walking the writing as Self.  

I commit myself to understand when I allow myself to not immediately investigate my thoughts and beliefs as they come up but push them away in hopes that they will go away - I am engaging in a religious act. 


I commit myself to investigate myself as soon as I notice fear arise within me because that means that I am not seeing that I have made something else bigger than myself. 


I commit myself to apply myself in creating my life and stop all delusions - such as fear of change and fear of loss.


I commit myself to admit to myself that I cannot know the physical reality that I will live in the future but that I can know my starting point if I am aware of it, and if I am not aware of it than I must apply myself to find out so that I can forgive my Self. 


I commit myself to walk this point in all its details as I realise that only through ending all fears and characters I will change myself and change the world. 
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