Saturday, June 30, 2012

Day 72, 2012 Family - part 6: receiving gifts

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have a resistance to receiving gifts. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of being gifted by my parents where each gift came with a set of conditions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of being gifted by my parents where each gift came with a set of conditions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define responsibility, obligation and pretense within a memory of being gifted by my parents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from responsibility, obligation and pretense through defining responsibility, obligation and pretense within a memory of being gifted by my parents where each gift came with a set of conditions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother giving me birthday gifts that she wanted me to have, and her angry reaction when I did not respond to her liking to these gifts, as she felt rejected. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of my mother giving me birthday gifts that she wanted me to have, and her angry reaction when I did not respond to her liking to these gifts, as she felt rejected. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define “pleasing others”, dominance, disappointment within a memory of my mother gifting me on my birthday with gifts that she wanted me to have, and her angry reaction when I did not respond to her liking to these gifts, as she felt rejected. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from “pleasing others”, dominance, disappointment through defining “pleasing others”, dominance, disappointment within the memory of my mother gifting me on my birthday with gifts that she wanted me to have, and her angry reaction when I did not respond to her liking to these gifts, as she felt rejected, in separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that “pleasing others”, dominance and disappointment are here with me in every moment, equal as me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I fear receiving gifts from my mother because they are not what I want  - and I perceive myself as being stuck with them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to anticipate receiving gifts with having to please the person with my behaviour  upon the receipt of the gift because I programmed myself as a child to react to my parents’ ways of gifting as thankful, which was never what I wanted but mostly what they thought was good for me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself with guilt when my parents told me that I wasn't grateful enough. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger when I recall the many situations of struggle and conflict with my mother’s way of gifting me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that avoiding gifts all together is not answer to the program I have accepted as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a reaction when I give something to another and they do not like what I give them. 

I realise that gifting does not have to be tied to conditions, consumerism or manipulation but can be a sincere way to acknowledge self through another, the person that is being gifted. 

I realise that I can stop all conditional programming related to gifting and let go of all suppression and anger. 

I realise that I can stand equal to all gifts I give and and receive.

I commit myself to give to others as I like to receive, without conditions or expectation place on giving the gift or receiving the gift, but simply to gift for the sake of acknowledging another as me. 
[Continue reading...]

Day 71, 2012 Family - part 5: the man who is my father is no different from any other man

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive my father as inaccessible in conversation because I know already how he will respond to me, the words he will use, and  how he will judge me in the course of the conversation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive my father as someone who does not want to engage in conversation and perceive him as not interested in me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge in a similar manner, as I do my father, all men who do not initiate conversation or I perceive as not interested in a communicative exchange. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive my father as uninteresting because I can predict his opinion and outlook and because I cannot explore with him a topic like a do with other people. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to demand from my father to treat me like a person and not like a child when I do not treat him like a person but “just” as my father - thus I consider myself superior to my father and not as an equal. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I have nothing to say to my father and that if I was not his daughter I would never know of the man.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because my father is not interested in what I have to say or what I do - thus I blame my father for not being interested in me when I am the one who is not interested in him. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge what I share with my father as entirely superficial and that I have no interest in divulging more information about my life to him, yet this superficial relationship makes me angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my father for my fears because I perceive him to be a fearful man and that he has raised me to be fearful - therefore I deny myself to take responsibility for my fears and change myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that because I am someone’s daughter that the person needs to have an interest in me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because my father has always provided me with the basic needs and has thus done his “duty” though he was not much around when I was a kid and I do not remember ever playing with him as a child. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never taken into consideration how he was programmed by his family and that blaming him for my programming is me not taking responsibility. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself annoyed by the way my father speaks because he uses a lot cliché phrases behind which he hides not to reveal his feelings or what he really thinks. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my father uses cliché phrases because he is afraid of him self - just like I do not like to reveal everything about myself and want to be in control. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of the moment when my father fell from being my “god” to being a mortal man with lots of weaknesses and short comings. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory when I realised that my father was not infallible but just another guy with lots of weaknesses and short comings. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define fragility, anger, and disappointment within the memory of my father falling from the pedestal I put him on when I realised that he was just like any other guy with lots of weaknesses and short comings. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from fragility, anger and disappointment through defining fragility, anger and disappointment within the memory of my father falling from the pedestal I put him on when I realised that he was just like any other guy with lots of weaknesses and short comings. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that fragility, anger and disappointment are here in every moment equal to me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have run after my father’s approval all my life and the more he rejected me physically and emotionally, the more I wanted to prove myself to him.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have no clue who my father really is when I actually see through the pattern of behaviours, what type of emotions and feelings he is dealing with, as I share these emotions and feelings, and thus I see what he has allowed and accepted himself to become - as I see what I have allowed and accepted myself to become. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept that my father is an organic robot who is run by emotions and feelings - and that I expect him to be more than that because he is my father. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise what I don’t like about my father are the programs that run as him and thus I do not like the programs that run my life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my father's death and when I "think" of his death I generate feelings of  regret and fear of loss, and want to be in touch with him to confirm to myself that everything is ok and that he is still around. 
I realise that my father because he is my father is not anything else but another human with a mindconsciousness system who has, like me, the opportunity to stand up in this life to become one and equal.

I realise that my views of my father are based on anger because of years of suppression, where I have suppressed myself in the relationship with him, to keep the peace and not rock the boat.
I realise that whenever I tried to address my father I did so with anger and this is why I was never able to improve my relationship with him. 
I commit myself to work through all my anger in relation to my father and stop blame and  finger pointing, and take responsiblity for my emotions and my life independently of the man who has fathered me. 
I commit myself to work and complete my self-forgiveness practice and self-corrective application to stand as equal to my parents. 
[Continue reading...]

Friday, June 29, 2012

Day 70, 2012 Peak moments of specialness

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to celebrate anything.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that celebration is the acknowledgement that all I do is done from an anthropocentric stance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not realise that a celebratory attitude ranges from subtle to large scale and thus can easily escape my awareness. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that a subtle celebratory attitude is encapsulated in anything I look back on as accomplishment and then allow myself to take a break, or watch a movie, or take it easy, or any other excuse that makes my momentary existence exceptional from other times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that celebration permeates our culture, such as celebrating the end of the school term, celebrating a performance/festival/event; celebrating holidays, the weekend, festive days; celebrating marriage, birth, death and so forth. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the right to celebrate is equal to the right to abuse. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that celebratory attitudes are a form of delusion to ensure to ourselves that the world is ok as long as we have something to celebrate. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that celebration is a counter mechanism to self-investigation because celebration indicates the apex of specialness, and the external manifestation thereof - it does not allow for the questioning of one’s motives or starting points. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that physical celebration is oneness and equality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that celebration is “mind feeding” time because all celebration is accompanied by energetic charges that are induced through high-flying feelings such as the habitual smiley faces that are associated with images of celebration, and other supporting elements such as drugs e.g. alcohol, cigarettes, and food indulgence. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make celebration a synonym for feeling good.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perpetuated celebration through polarisation: on the one hand is celebration and the other is deservedness. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that celebration is a supporting mechanism of consumerism that drives the capitalistic system I accept with my participation where ever more inventions/reasons and objects/goods to use in celebration drive the process of self-destruction - as it is evident with the recently Europeanised holiday “Halloween” which has been imported into Europe because it opens up a market for plenty of typical Halloween paraphernalia that can be sold to kids and adults alike.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use children as the excuse to indulge in celebrations (such as Christmas, Purim, Eid ul-Fitr) with gifts and material goods - although we recognise that we are celebrating consumerism we are unwilling to change this situation, and thus we perpetuate the abusive system we have created.
I recognise that to stop celebrating collective holidays does not stop the celebratory attitude that I have subtly programmed as myself, to provide myself with excuses to acknowledge my ego (specialness) in how I go about my daily activities. 

I realise that I have not addressed the root of this collectively accepted way to exist in specialness and self-interest so that I no longer accept the excuses I give myself for special moments. 
I commit myself to pace myself evenly at all times within all I do so that I can be consistent in conducting my life in the physical and eliminate all excuses that validate exceptional moments and are in celebration of what has just passed. 
[Continue reading...]

Day 69, 2012 What I want in the picture that I am - part 9: to eat good food

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself with phrases, symbols, and beliefs concerning food and eating.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that going to the supermarket and choosing my foods is a symbol of freedom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I desire to eat "good food" as "good food" is a symbol of wealth in our society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I eat well that I provide my body with the chemical building blocks that I need to have a healthy life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate "good food" with a healthy body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "good food" prevents me from ageing too quickly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that all taste for foods is culturally induced and it is my responsibility to seek out the foods that work best for my body at this time. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not share the food of this world equally with all beings on the planet. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use food to control the world as food is used to control education, the raising of children and that the well-being of nations. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a relationship with food in conjunction with my mother’s fear of starvation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother continually wanting to feed me because she feared that I starve, exist within me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of my mother continually wanting to feed me because she feared that I starve.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define annoyance and torment within the memory of my mother continually wanting to feed me because she feared that I starve. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from annoyance and torment through defining annoyance and torment within the memory of my mother continually wanting me to eat because she feared that I starve, in separation of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because I was unable to communicate to my mother to stop asking me to eat when I was not hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for my relationship with food because she used to urge me to eat as she was afraid that I would starve. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for my relationship with food and realise that I need to take responsibilty for the patterns I have accepted and allowed to exist as me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat irregularly even though I know that when I eat more regularly I feel better physically.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have feel inclined to finish my plate because I was told and believed that I was fortunate because I had food while other children did not.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have experienced food as part of my parents authority, as an extension of them, in how they used food to control my behaviour.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself on behalf of all parents who use food to create polarisation between themselves and their children, so that the children experience themselves in an dependent and inferior position. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that food is used by parents to manipulate children to regulate their behaviour and to install a reward system. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used sweet tasting food as a reward for myself just as I learned to do so in my childhood days when my parents gave me sweet foods in celebration of birthday, first day of school, religious celebration such Christmas/Easter, and for good behaviour. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my family eating together always accompanied with drama exist within me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of my family eating together always accompanied by drama.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define disappearance, fear and escape within the memory of my family eating together always accompanied by drama.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from disappearance, fear and escape through defining disappearance, fear and escape within the memory of my family eating together always accompanied by drama, in separation of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself when my family ate together - to use food as suppresser of my emotions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself when my family ate together - to use food as suppressor for my anger.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect food with the feeling of despair and to seek out food whenever despair enters my mind. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect food with fear of myself because I have programmed myself to be afraid of how my parents interacted with me when we were sitting at the table, eating together. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have memory of my mother to exert her control over me through foods that I did not like.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of my mother exerting control over me through foods that I did not like. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define entrapment and despairing of a solution within the memory of my mother exerting control over me through foods that I did not like. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from entrapment and despairing of a solution through defining entrapment and despairing of a solution within the memory of my mother exerting control over me through foods that I did not like. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have, as a child, pretended I like certain foods that my father liked to earn his approval. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have, as a child, pretended to like certain foods that my father liked and of which my mother did not approve, because I believed that this would help me win my father as an ally to protect me from my mother. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used food to manipulate and sabotage myself and others. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fed myself to please others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used and abused food to create energetic charges instead of being equal and one to food as nourishment for my body that I enjoy. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used and abused food to deny the reality of my life and avoid facing myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used and abused food to hide from my fears. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used and abused food to recreate the patterns of interaction that I experienced myself in when I was a child, growing up with my parents. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat when I am not hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not eat when I am hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not eat enough when I am hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat too much when I am not hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have no consistency in they way I eat and what food choices I make.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stay focussed on the foods that I know that I can digest well but be swayed/tempted to eat other foods that happen to be around the house but are not my habitual foods of eating.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make food choices because I am too lazy to prepare something for myself alone. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I do like to cook and  prepare my food but that I sabotage myself when I tell myself that food preparation takes too much time, which is the excuse I give to myself to eat foods that are not supportive of my body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my body through eating. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated and angry because I cannot maintain a reasonable food pattern. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking at my food pattern because it evokes memories from my childhood which I have suppressed and which are difficult for me to look at. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate eating and food with emotional suffering. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother telling me how unthankful I was concerning the food she fed me because during the war people had no food and were starving. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of my mother telling me how unthankful I was concerning the food she fed me because during the war people had not food and were starving. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define anxiety, guilt, and worthlessness within the memory of my mother telling me how unthankful I was concerning the food she fed me because during the war people had no food and were starving.
I forgive myself or accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from anxiety, guilt and worthlessness through defining anxiety, guilt and worthlessness within a memory of my mother telling me about how unthankful I was concerning the food she fed me because during the war people had no food and were starving. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have desired the foods from my father’s grandmother because I wanted to belong somewhere as I did not have a sense of belonging with my parents. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because my mother did not allow me to enter the kitchen when I was living with my parents. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for having to teach myself to cook instead of having been taught by my mother. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am now in the position to let go of all the memories around food that have shaped my food habits throughout my life. 

I realise that I can stop any time to relive my family-food-eating past and I do so now. I stop.
I realise that it is entirely up to me to let go of the relationships with food and eating that I have created for myself.
I realise that holding on to the food/eating patterns is also holding on to the abuse I experienced as a child and all the emotions around that. 
I commit myself to stop all accumulated food/eating relationships through self-forgiveness, breathing and self-corrective application. 
I commit myself to immediately face myself when I am aware that I am in engaging in one of my food patterns. 
I commit myself to breathe, clear my starting point, and check with myself if my body needs food before I eat anything. 
I commit myself to end all abuse around food and eating through walking my process and bringing about an equal money system where food and eating is redefined for everyone equally and food/eating will never again be used to abuse deliberately.
[Continue reading...]

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Day 68, 2012 The influence of god in my professional life

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that all information that I need for me to position myself within my field, in the most lucrative manner for success, is available and out there and that I must pursue this information to understand the trends of the system to strategically utilise these trends for my purpose. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can rely on my imagination and common sense to extrapolate the ways the system is developing for me to successfully navigate academia, when this is a religious attitude that is based on hope and belief and has nothing to do with accumulated facts on what is here. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have been programmed by religion and that this programming goes much deeper than merely the superficial belief of whether or not there is a god.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that everything which has no physical (re)presentation in the world is based on belief and thus is influenced by trusting in something outside of me, greater than me, where I "re-lie" (I lie back to myself) on hope, expectation and projection instead of making the accumulated effort of an everyday contribution towards a tangible manifestation. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the belief into some thing greater than me, via imagination and projection, is supported by excuses and diversions that I allow myself to engage in - and these are the little blockages that accumulate over time shaping the trajectory of my life, which I can turn around into little self-directed contributions towards a particular aspect of my life that requires development, e.g professional - and thus I effectively shape my trajectory for what is best for all. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that the forms of sabotage such as not bringing my self here at all times during an activity are all ‘mechanisms’ of trusting into something that is greater than me.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that lack of self-trust is trust in something outside of myself because trust is always here and it is a matter of where I direct it. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that trust into something outside of myself is not recognising that I am the system but that I stand in separation of the system whereas trust in self, meaning that I make all happen through taking responsibility is the understanding that I am the system that all elements of the system are me as well, and that I direct them.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that all thought is fundamentally religious, and that all polarisation, all judgement, all assumptions that are made in the mind are only supporting trust, faith and hope into something that is not me, and is greater than me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that as long as I do not stop projecting into the future through imagination, assumptions, hope, faith, and expectation I am a believer in god. 
I commit myself to eradicate all god-related mental activities from my life and replace them by the physical ability I have to respond within breath within consistent regular application in all facets of my life wherever I see them fit. 
[Continue reading...]
 
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