Friday, June 22, 2012

Day 61, 2012 What I want in the picture that I am - part 8: where I want to live in this world

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I want to find the best place to be.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that where I live disadvantages me and my partner economically, and thus I have to place myself strategically to create an economic advantage for us.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I place myself strategically in the world then I can escape the coming events of the collapsing world economy, and preempt further problems for us.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that seeking protection for myself and my kin is separating myself from the whole that is humanity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am now ready to settle down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that settling down means that I accept my life in a static form, and in that I accept the system and the definitions of myself within the system by which humanity operates. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that “the desire to settle down” indicates that my explorations in the world are over, and that I have reached a level of saturation concerning the imprinting of pictures, the collection of experiences, and with that I accept and allow myself to live in the delusion that I can settle down to create security for myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want security so that I do not have to change myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive settling down as no longer wanting to put up with the unpleasant experience of leading an unstable life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that settling down means that i want to put myself “into a place” similar to how I give an object a place on the shelf.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire material comfort, and that I associate this material comfort with settling down. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define “security” within material comfort. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to convince myself to believe that by living in the proximity of the developing Asian markets I have a better chance in securing financial stability as when living elsewhere in the world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that these are future mental projections that stem of my fear of survival.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that without money I cannot survive, and that I must do what I whatever I must do to insure that I have foresight in how to conduct my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my father exists within me where he reproached me because I exist too much in the moment and not enough in the future.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto to a memory of my father reproaching me because I exist too much in the moment and not enough in the future.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define security, planning and well-being within the memory of my father reproaching me because I exist too much in the moment and not enough in the future. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from security, planning and well-being through defining security, planning and well-being within the memory of my father reproaching me because I exist too much in the moment and not in the future, in separation of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to fear the future. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that the future is going to be even harder than the present.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I won’t have help in the future in case I need it. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loneliness in the future.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define loneliness as not having other people’s support when I really need it. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be rid of my problems and believe that by planning my future I can preempt material and financial loss. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that fear of loss is tied to the fear of survival where I fear losing what I have today to some unknown future event.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that these types of thoughts create my behaviour and that I create my world through the accepted preprogramming as me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that any perceived insecurity I attach to the world events, and to the desire to live in a strategically beneficial place - that these externally directed insecurities are really my own insecurities and that through the development of self-trust I can stop all insecurities.

I commit myself to stop seeking security in my external world through stopping all fears related to survival.

I commit myself to direct my efforts towards the establishment of an equal money system, where survival fear will no longer have a place in any being's life.

I commit myself to realise that any form of security is a mind delusion which causes separation, and all thoughts that support delusion must be eradicated through breath and self-forgiveness - walked in self-corrective action. 
[Continue reading...]

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Day 60, 2012 What I want in the picture that I am - part 7: insightful communicator

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I want to be an insightful communicator.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that insightful communication is difficult.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from communication because I believe that I have lots to learn to become an effective communicator where I can capture what I realise into words that others can understand.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not communicating effectively because I let my emotions and feelings interfere when I communicate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have ego attachment when I communicate with others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when I am emotional my communication no longer makes any sense.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to stop my attachment to opinions and ideas, and thus not be able to communicate without emotions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my ego.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear communicating with others because I fear being misunderstood.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others misunderstanding me because I fear not having control of what others think about me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not making sense in my communication.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having enough structure in my communication so that others can understand me with ease.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe effective and insightful communicators have an structural approach to their communication. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my ideas are two far fetched for others to understand me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am an effective communicator in the picture I have of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that communication is an essential component in being an influential person, and to become an influential person I must be an effective and insightful communicator.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that an influential person is someone who communicates from the point of equality and what is best for all. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to be an effective communicator I must be patient, not realising that all I must do is slow myself down when I communicate with others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to admire others who can communicate in simplicity and bring about insightful understanding. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to communicate from the point of energy which is when I communicate from attachment or because I have a specific goal within my communication with others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to communicate by competing with others in being right. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good/positive/right when I have won an argument. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to communicate without thought is difficult.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe to be an effective communicator one has to excel in the language in which one is speaking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe if one speaks multiple languages one is a better communicator. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mother from the starting point of superiority, because she makes no effort in improving her language skills, and expects everyone else to put up with her ways of communicating.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger about my mother not making any effort in her communication skills with others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mother as lazy, as someone who insists on her limitations concerning her language skills. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for my disinterest in the German language because I believe I was raised by a mother who has insufficient language skills.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike my father’s dialect because I believe that this is not the proper way of speaking.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make more efforts in understanding others, but excuse my disinterest by judging this type of communication as ineffective.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to understand others the way I want them to understand me, equality must be the starting point. 

I commit myself to stop all beliefs I have on communication and language through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I commit myself to apply myself, in self-movement, to communicate in breath in every moment.  

[Continue reading...]

Day 59, 2012 What I want in the picture that I am - part 6: being more creative

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I want to be more creative.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my creativity because I believe it is not as important as the things that I believe I must do to move ahead in life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my father exist within me where I tell him that I am going to study art and he answers me with disapproval because he sees it as a useless activity where I cannot make any money. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of my father where I tell him that I am going to study art and he answers me in disapproval that it’s a useless activity where I cannot make any money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define purpose, success, and earning money within the memory of my father where I tell him that I am going to study art and he answers me in disapproval and that it’s a useless activity where I cannot make any money. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from purpose, success and earning money through defining purpose, success and earning of money within a memory of my father where I tell him that I am going to study art and he answers me in disapproval that it’s a useless activity where I cannot make any money, in separation of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that going to art school was a way for me to deal with the suppression of my childhood creativity. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exist within me where I was a teenager in art class and I was admiring two girls, twins, for being so freely creative in painting and I recall that this is the first time where I realised that I experience myself as blocked and limited. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory when I was a teenager in art class and I was admiring two girls, twins, for being so freely creative in painting and I recall that this is the first time where I realised that I experience myself as blocked and limited. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define limitation, repression and effort within the memory of me as a teenager in art class where I was admiring two girls, twins, for being so freely creative in painting, and at the same time experiencing myself as blocked and limited. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from limitation, repression, effort within the memory of myself as teenager in art class where I was admiring two girls, twins, for being so freely creative in painting, and at the same time experiencing myself as blocked and limited through defining limitation, repression, and effort within the memory of myself as teenager in art class where I was admiring two girls, twins, for being so freely creative in painting, and at the same time experiencing myself as blocked and limited, in separation of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back being creative because I fear doing something wrong - thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to fear my creative output through my interactions with my music teacher when I learned to play the flute, who resembled my father in the way he silently disproved of how played the flute. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my music teacher exist within me where he disapproves of the quality of me playing the flute. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of my music teacher where he disapproves of the quality of me playing the flute. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define competence and talent within the memory of my music teacher where he disapproves of the quality of me playing the flute.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from competence and talent within the memory of my music teacher where he disapproves of the quality of me playing the flute through defining competence and talent within the memory of my music teacher’s disapproval of my quality of flute playing, in separation of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dream of going back to drawing but to not allow myself to do so because I believe I can do more useful things with my time. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I often suppress myself when I want to be creative because there is a “voice” within me, in form of a program, that stops me from doing it - for a number of “good” reasons. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I pursued my studies of art because I experienced myself as being stifled creatively by my environment when I was a child and I tried to resolve it by believing that I needed more study.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother interrupting me when I was drawing or playing, and telling me to do a shore or to pay attention to her, when all I wanted to do was draw.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have installed a program within me that has replaced my mother who is giving "myself" all the excuse why there is never a good moment to be creative without purpose or utility. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have shown myself how I block myself by having acquired the materials needed to play with electronics and to make little e-toys, yet I make no time to actually make use of these materials, and keep telling myself that first other more important activities have to be resolved before I can allow myself to get started. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that “my” material world is the clue for my suppressions in what I accumulate ( besides the basic necessities of every day life) are materials for dream projects. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that the suppression of my creativity contributes to my nightly teeth grinding. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to implement "free" creativity within inappropriate contexts e.g my professional tasks, where this type of creativity is misplaced as this causes me to not stick to the rules "of the game" - whereby I do not realise that this free expression in from of free creativity enters into these types of tasks, because I do not allow myself to express myself creatively (without structure) in any other way.  

I commit myself to stop all suppressions in my life through breathing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective action. 

I commit myself to uncover the links between fear and suppression - and set myself free by living entirely in the physical. 
I commit myself to stop all suppression of creativity within myself and become completely free in self-expression in every way. 

[Continue reading...]

Monday, June 18, 2012

Day 58, 2012 What I want in the picture that I am - part 5: the need for change

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring change in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed with the problems I am facing concerning circumstances, the living situation and my life style. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive my life, where I live and what I do as a temporary situation and I am expecting it to change. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in anticipation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in the future, towards the future, or with future projections. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I change my circumstances, I don’t have to deal with the current circumstances of my life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that wherever I go all that I am goes with me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that wanting to change my life, circumstances, environment points to one thing: that I don’t want to change myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that there is no such thing as a temporary stay - that wherever I go, here I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to have used change/s of lifestyle, environment, circumstances, in the past to suppress myself and constantly ran away from myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this change is part of the picture I have created of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a need excitement in my life because I have defined myself as exciting person in the picture I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this excitement is delusional in that it only serves to create energetic charges. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I operate from excitement through change that I try to minimise the things that are not working in my life because I divert myself, and that this creates the mechanisms in how try to cope with my life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have created the circumstances I find myself in and by not facing myself I keep repeating the same circumstances and thus the need to change for temporary relief.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my lifestyle from the separation  where the days of tomorrow always are more promising, where I have a better place to live, have quite neighbors, to have more access, more free time, more money. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that although I see the insanity of this pattern, the thoughts are still coming and I have not been effective in stopping them. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this “mechanism” of wanting change appears on all levels in my life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this pattern of “needing change” plays our in a number of ways - one of which is me wanting to be with people, where I need change, when I have been alone for an extensive period of time. After a period of being around others I then “need to change” and want to be by myself again. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for living in my mind because all thoughts related to making changes to my life is being absent from what is here in the physical. 
I commit myself to uncover and stopping this pattern “the need for change” in all its variations that I have allowed to run my life. 
I commit myself to facing my reality in every way, and within that facing myself in every way.
I commit myself to stopping all diverting mechanisms I allow in my life to exist. 
[Continue reading...]

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Day 57, 2012 Family - part 1: other familiar lies

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to meet other people's family, and get involved with other people’s parents because I do not want to deal with their beliefs and ideas.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am reacting in a similar way as my mother who has maintained her distance from other people’s family, and has reacted in anger when there was a demand to do otherwise. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to get involved with other people’s family because I fear more abuse coming my way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I fear other people's family because do not trust that I can remain here, in the face of any situation - a situation that might implicate me in some way, over which I have no control. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to get involved with other people's family because I fear being asked to conform my behaviour in some way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to get involved with other people's family because I have experienced this in the past as unpleasant, difficult and abusive - and I do not want to repeat this experience. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I do not have to experience emotion around this point but all I have to do stick to the principle of what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise if I do have emotion on this point than I am not clear, and I react because I want to do what is right for someone else, instead of doing what is best for all. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that if I react with emotions I am running the program I have installed in childhood by watching my mother and her reactions towards involvement with other people's family. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the whole world is abusive, including me, and to not wanting to deal with other people's abuse indicates that I don’t want to acknowledge my own abusive behaviour. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise my abusive behaviour as family member of a family in this world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to anticipate my dealings with famillies instead of being here, equal and one, to whoever is standing in front of me, family or not. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an aversion about all that is family because I believe that the rotten core of humanity starts with family.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because I have for so long pretended that everything is ok in my family, and have over the years suppressed my emotions, because I wanted to maintain the picture of who I am as a member of a functioning nuclear family in this society.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am still afraid of my parent’s reactions towards my choices in life and therefore I don’t share information. 
I commit myself to stopping all fears having to do with "any" family relation, and that through dedicated practise in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, I will layout and walk all patterns I have accepted and allowed to exist as me in relation to family.
I commit myself to making decisions concerning my involvement with family, any family, from the place of what is best for all. 
I commit myself to transcending my mind so that I become life as physical existence, and to establish a system of life/economy/society where all people are equal because each person is life and life has only one value:  the value of life. 
[Continue reading...]

Day 56, 2012 What I want in the picture that I am - part 4: looking good

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I want nice clothes without having to dedicate time and effort to it. Basically, I want the clothes I imagine for myself, and I want someone to make them for me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that buying clothes is a tedious job which takes time and effort because I must look for sales to be able to afford the clothes I like.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that if I don’t pay with money for inexpensive clothes I like, then I pay with the time it takes to find these clothes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am in conflict, on the one hand, for not wanting to spend the time and effort on finding the clothes I like, yet, on the other hand, I want to wear nice clothes. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must wear a certain genre of clothes because that fits best my position within society.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to conform in my dressing of how I want others to perceive me rather than dressing myself as a way to express myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged my grandmother and other female relatives for dressing “their age”  and having beliefs on what colour or styles they can wear, as those are considered approved by society. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I do just like everyone else, I conform how I dress to the picture I have of myself in how it fits best with society. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I dress the way I really want to I would not be accepted by others and would disadvantage myself in important situations, where manipulating others gets me what I want.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I use clothes and hair to create an image of myself which I use to navigate the world I live in. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly wish that we all would have to wear uniforms because then I would not have to deal with the clothes point at all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that that is also something I like about SciFi movies, that clothes are often uniforms and are often made to be androgynous rather than emphasising what is understood as feminine and masculine ways of dressing.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my beliefs about clothes are showing me how I have limited myself in my perception as woman, because I perceive myself as having to accept and conform to the idea we have about women in society through the dress code. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to envy men because I believe that men are not as much judged by what they wear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that having to look good in clothes is part of the sexual attraction game we play in all our interactions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself within the beliefs about clothes and looks, not realising that this is giving my power up, and instead of functioning from self-direction, I function through having adapted myself to what I perceive works best within the mind-consciousness system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that success in the world has to do with how one dresses and presents one self. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have clothes for a long time, and keep them in good condition, because I programmed myself as a child to follow in my mother’s food steps who told me that she was proud that her things - such as clothes - last her a long time and are in excellent shape even after years of use. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have not done activities because I have perceived them as too destructive to my clothes, and that it was more important at the time to honor the belief: I must keep clothes in tact so that they last a long time - than to enjoy myself in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my grandmother teaching me how to walk in a skirt exist within me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of my grandmother teaching me how to walk in a skirt. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define femininity, presentation of myself and acceptance within the memory of my grandmother teaching me how to walk in a skirt. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from femininity, presentation of myself and acceptance through defining femininity, presentation of myself and acceptance within a memory of my grandmother teaching me how to walk in a skirt. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience the choosing of clothes to always be linked with money. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself differently depending on what clothes I wear. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have habituated myself to dress differently at home than when I go outside because I do not want to "use up" my “good” clothes at home - because this way I save money by saving my clothes. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that one must not be too trendy or stylish because that is too much of a sign of shallowness, since the person has to spend a lot time to prepare herself, and thus cannot spend time on other things that are more important.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that on one hand I advocate not spending much time on clothes and on obtaining the right wardrobe, yet I do not realise that I will spend the time it takes to find the things I like to wear for an affordable price.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others who are too trendy and made up as shallow and see myself as superior intellectually, and those who dress in an elegant, sophisticated and understated manner I see as interesting and  see myself as inferior because while I have the taste to pick out those types of clothes, I do not have the money to actually do it. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cater to my ego using clothes, by wanting to appear as sophisticated, elegant, sportive, and understated. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support my ego in wanting to be special through the desire of a unique look with clothes. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use clothes in support of my self-value which I believe to be linked to my performance within society. 

I commit myself to stop my ego and all support mechanisms that keep my ego alive. 

I commit myself to stop creating a picture of myself through my wants and desires. 

I commit myself to stop dressing from the starting point of ego and mind and dress as expression of self within common sense. 
[Continue reading...]
 
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