Friday, June 8, 2012

Day 48, 2012 The decision of who I am - part I

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Veno: becoming sick a lot is due to postponements, waiting, not making a decision of who you are and what you are going to do with your life and actually do it. 




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have considered making a decision of who I am. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that who I am is a self-movement. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my desires, wants, needs and urges for control decide who I am. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that looking at my options and not becoming any of them is dishonest because the choice becomes more important that who I am within the choice - any choice that I make.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being careful can prevent me from making the wrong choice. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to believe that I must first check out all my options before I make any decisions. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have habituated myself to this program of being careful about making choices, so that I no longer have common sense to make the simple decision of who I am. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make the decision of who I am, which holds me back and keeps me hostage in my mind because it is the mind that projects into the future - and all the possible choices that I have. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the decision of who I am is simple and straight forward. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that without the decision of who I am I cannot commit myself to walk this process. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that existing in suspension because I do not make the decision of who I am is abusive to my body because it causes illness. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not decide who I am as it is a form of abdicating self-responsibilty because I maintain myself in the space of suspension, of waiting. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that not making a decision is a form of separation from my mind and my physical body.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making the decision of who I am because I fear that there is no turning back. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have bought into "leaving myself all options open" and thus trapping myself in the idea of choice and free will.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the decision can not be anything else but then "what is best for all equally" and that all ideas of options are delusional.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I have made the decision of becoming life, on the premise of what is best for all equally, that all other navigation of my life in this society will follow, accordingly.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am not mind, my studies, my beliefs, that what I am is none of the external indicators that everyone in society uses to compare, to polarise and to compete against. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the evil which I accept as me can never be transformed to life as long as I do not make a decision to do so. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I create my reality either through my mind or through self-movements which requires me to make a choice between the two and walk the decision. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not share from my life what I can through making a decision of who I am so that I can support others as me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I make the decision of who I am that I create myself from the starting point of life and that all my actions contribute to the birthing of life on the planet 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to stop my ego I must make the decision of who I am. 


I commit myself to life, and thus I make the decision to be life, to be that which is best for all. 

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Thursday, June 7, 2012

Day 47, 2012 Learning to speak Dutch

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking Dutch because I make mistakes and don’t know all the words of the language.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self-responsibility in doing my tasks when they involve speaking Dutch because I fear making mistakes when speaking in Dutch to a native Dutch speaker.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I speak a lot of Dutch at home but separate myself from speaking the language when I must speak to someone I do not know.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking Dutch in public places because I see myself as inferior and feel embarrassed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that learning requires excising the language that I am learning therefore I must speak as much as possible. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be perfect in the way I speak Dutch and because I do not live up to the picture of perfection, I judge myself when I speak Dutch.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a perfect picture exist within me in how I need to speak Dutch. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking Dutch and thus get nervous when I have to speak Dutch in stores to a sales person, or when dealing with administrative issues. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend to be a native Dutch speaker and only speak that which is absolutely necessary because I fear making a mistake and then will be discovered as not being a native speaker
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the way I judge myself is a total mind fuck because I have excellent grades in my Dutch course yet I fear talking to people outside of the course and my home. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for signs of judgement within the other person who I am talking to in Dutch, so that I can confirm my fears and justify my thoughts. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be in control in my communications with others and feel that I have no control when I am speaking in Dutch.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being looked down upon because I am a foreigner. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear judgement from a native Dutch speaker based on my Dutch language skills and because I fear being rejected.
Memories:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exist within me when I learned to speak as a child in my mother tongue where my mother reacted with impatience towards me for not speaking properly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of my mother reacting with impatience when I learned to speak as a child.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself define inferiority and self-judgement within the memory of my mother reacting to me with impatience when learned to speak as a child. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from inferiority and self-judgement through defining the inferiority and self-judgement within the memory of my mother reacting with impatience when I learned to speak as a child, in separation of myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise equality and self-expression are here with me in very moment of breath. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exit within me where my mother made fun of me learning to speak as a child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of my mother making fun of me when I learned to speak as a child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define embarrassment and imperfection within the memory of my mother making fun of me when I learned to speak as a child. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from embarrassment and imperfection through defining  embarrassment and imperfection within the memory of my mother making fun of me as I learned to speak, in separation of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that change and self-perfection are here with me in every moment of breath. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exist within me where my mother did not allow my brother and I to speak in dialect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of my mother where my mother did not allow my brother and I to speak in dialect. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define reputation and advantage within the memory of my mother where she did not allow my brother and I to speak in dialect. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from reputation and advantage through defining reputation and advantage within the memory of my mother not allowing my brother and I to speak in dialect. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am here in the physical at all times in every moment of breath.


I commit myself to end embarrassment, imperfection, self-judgement, inferiority, reputation, advantage, in separation of myself that are triggered through learning and speaking. 

I commit myself to uncover and release all programs which are impacting my learning and diminish my capacity to make effective use of how I can apply so that it is best for all.

I commit to stop all personalities that I have used to program myself and use breath to walk this release.

I commit myself that when I encounter situations where I speak in a different language and I am reacting in any way to stop myself for a moment and collect myself through breath, and then start anew speaking. 
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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Day 46, 2012 My mother and I

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have interacted with every women from the starting point of the relationship with my mother.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that that through my relationship with my mother I have created the definitions of my relations with other women in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that women are the closest to me, in terms of position in society and ego, and that by enacting my habituated female-to-female relationship programs that I have formed through my relationship with my mother I suppress my self-support - because through supporting other women I actually support myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been in competition with my mother and thus have been in competition with all females. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my anger against my mother is really the anger I have against myself for not changing myself in the way that I want to because I see that all those traits I criticise in my mother, are traits I want to change within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have been gentle with my mother by coming from the understanding that she has allowed to program herself through her parents and environment, just as I have done, and that through realising my self-responsibility within that I can stop my separation and be here in gentleness and patience just I would like her to be here for me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can be who I am with my mother, in gentle ways.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that through other females I am mirroring to myself the points I have to work on, and so realise that the triggers I experience within the interaction with other females are gifts for my process of self-realisation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that every interaction with another woman is an opportunity to interact with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my interactions with other women provide me with a mirror of myself from which I cannot hide the way I can hide behind the sexual attraction point in my relationship with men.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I accept all women in the way they are then I have accepted myself in all the ways that I am. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that total self-acceptance is the first step for me to start my journey to self-realisation. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that feel superior in my interactions with women - because I realise that in my interaction with my mother I have perceived myself as less powerful thus I am reversing the dynamic with other women to compensate for the relationship I have with my mother. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see myself as equal to my mother but see her as my parent and in doing so I give my power away. 

I commit myself to stand as equal to my mother. 

I commit myself to see my mother as me, and embrace all of her. 


[Continue reading...]

Day 45, 2012 Self-righteousness is my declaration of war on life

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to not realise that my backchat is self-righteousness because I allow my mind to focus on “something” and/or “someone” and thus confirm the existence of my ego.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up my power when I engage in self-righteous self-talk and focus my self on other people and situations that have taken place in the past. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to get sucked into thoughts because I am not disciplined enough to stand firm in stopping my thoughts, and thus I succumb the habituated self-righteous behaviour which I use to navigate the world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in self-righteousness and thus I am the creator of wars, and not realise that I can stop all wars by stopping myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that by creating self-righteous behaviour or thoughts I can change people and situations. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that self-righteousness is always based on belief and does not include the perspectives of others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become self-righteous when I can’t control my environment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that if I were to let go of self-righteous behaviour, I find out who I really am. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that self-righteous behaviour leads to opinions which have to be defended. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that self-righteous behaviour can never be gentle but is always abusive in its essence. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that through self-righteous behaviour I actively separate myself from my environment and the people in my environment. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that self-righteous behaviour creates energetic charges which literally consume me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that as long as I am self-righteous behaviour I will never be able to understand what who I am and what is really going on beyond my nose.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that self-righteous behaviour and self-trust are incongruous and that I cannot develop self-trust when I allow myself to listen to my self-righteous thoughts. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when engaging in self-righteous thoughts and acting that I am losing focus on my daily activities and will consequently cause problems in my schedule and literally waste time. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that self-righteous thinking and behaviour is based on fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that self-righteous thinking and behaviour will not allow me to put myself in the shoes of others thus I am of no support to bring about a global change and to create a world that is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that there is never any justification for self-righteousness and that every time I am self-righteousness I am creating self-directed abuse. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to be self-righteous is something I have taught myself and thus I can stop it. 
I commit myself to stop all self-righteous behaviour by holding on to opinions, outlooks, perspectives in a moment. 
I commit myself to respond immediately to self-righteous thoughts by stopping them, breathing and redirecting myself to the moment of my activity.
I commit myself to no longer give myself excuses to let self-righteous behaviour slip.
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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Day 44, 2012 My "rebel" actions are based on anxiety

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that  I can do things my own way and get my own way with the system instead of applying myself in the way the system instructs me to do, or in how I can observe, in honesty, the system to function. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, since I was a child, believe that I can get “away” with things, where I jeopardise my position within the system/matrix I exist in by not being compliant and by ignoring what I am asked to do in every way. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am special enough that I  can “jump the hurdles” of the system and still get my way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become so oblivious to this attitude that I have set up traps for myself and fall into them when I am asked to be compliant in giving information, or to be accurate in how and what I am communicating so that in the end I create a loss for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to “go against” the system when I am in the position where I must be compliant in some manner, where I must following steps to the “T”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I don’t always know the ways of the system when there is always a way to find out more, and to stand equal to the information I have, or just by just using common sense. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have misplaced my willful behaviour by willing myself “against” the system, the politics of the system, the rules and regulations of the system - instead of using my will and the strength of my will to change myself and stand as equal to all aspects of the system I live in.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have followed my mother as role model in how I have programmed myself of not being compliant with the details the system requests of me, when I want or need to interact with it. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that I am not "stronger" than the system and that “doing my own thing” within the system I have accepted and allowed to exist in is enslavement. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted 'attitudes' that describe an active resistance against “something” where I create superiority within myself to make me feel better. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am the system and that by “going against the grain” of the system, I go against myself 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the system that is me, instead of stopping all reactions and remaining here when I am facing the details of the system with which I must deal with. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see all aspects of my interactions with the system as equally important but to pick out the aspects that I either think are important, or that I like to engage in, while not realising that by creating my own priorities I create miscommunication and misunderstandings for myself and others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can always find other ways “around the way of the system” that will allow me to get to the same place, as if I had been engaging according to the system’s requirements. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that engaging with the system according to how the system is specified is a waste of my time. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be impatient when working/engaging with the system and thus I am revealing to myself that I am impatient with my Self and everyone else. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in a hurry to get “somewhere” because I identify myself with what I have become in terms of the standing/status/position within society.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in the process regarding my position within society because I compare myself to others who are already in their positions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore that I live in time and that whatever happens in time is me and that I am the creator of it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself and to hide behind this fear through the things I do within the context of society.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that through not facing myself I judge myself on the basis of the things I do and expect of myself to do, to create a picture of who I am in this world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this picture that I am is what I judge in relation to everything else and, this is why I experience anxiety.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not standing equal to myself and thus stand equal to nothing in this world.
I commit myself to stop responding and engaging with the system in my own ways but in the ways of the system, and in that I realise that self-will is who I am when I am responding and engaging with the system. 
I commit myself to face who I am stripped of attributes and labels and by facing myself I free myself from the anxiety I have created in the pursuit of a picture. 
I commit myself to steadily work towards my position within the system but not from the starting point of denial or anxiety but from the starting point of what is best for all and if I stray from this starting point I remind myself and bring myself back to it. 
I commit myself to stop all self-judgement, peu à peu, as I discover the programs I have accepted to undermine myself and thus give reign to self-judgement. 

I commit myself to become an equal to all that is here and to recognise the system as 100% my responsibility. 
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Monday, June 4, 2012

Day 43, 2012 On behalf of the student archetype

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept that students have less responsibility in the world than other groups of people because they are being indoctrinated in the economic system, and to entice students to buy into the system, ‘student life’ is a special time where they are given privileges that no other group of people in society can enjoy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and believe that students don’t need to be responsible for the noise they make because they are young and want to enjoy themselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exempt the age group in which humans are students from the responsibilities that are expected from all other members of society. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that studying is hard to do and that is why students are given more leeway with drugs and alcohol. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that students will grow out of the behaviour where they do not consider others in their actions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that students should have special treatment through discounted access to events, transport, and other services within society because they will later on, once they function fully in the system, want to continue to enjoy experiencing a privileged status, and this way they have been habituated to desire a good life in the system.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to establish ‘student culture’ to increase a student's self-worth so that students do not ask questions regarding their involvement with the educational system because they experience themselves as privileged.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that although students receive special privileges, yet they are also implicated through student loans which ties them into the system and increases the need for students to make money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created specialness about students studying in the educational system. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that not all children have access to education, and that obtaining education is one of the competitive practices based on money in our economic system. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the future of an individual dependent on their education. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a polarisation between study and entertainment, thus encouraging students, to engage in both so as to create a balance within themselves. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to program and manipulate students so that they, through education become just like me, and continue the abusive system we allow to exist in this world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to entice students to learn about the system that we have designed collectively to enslave ourselves, than to learn about who they really are as member of humanity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look back at my student life with fond memories and judge my life has having been easy then.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to keep friendships from school and uni 'alive' so as to hold onto the care-free part of me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be scared of the system as a student because I don't know how to go about getting a good job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the system and believe that only through good education can I have a decent life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not making it in the system because the economy is going to shits by the time I am leaving school and uni. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that education is a business like any other within society where manipulation and corruption reigns. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can change the system together with all others and that education is part of the system that will change with the change of our economy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to overwork teachers so that they do not become aware of what they are really teaching. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indoctrinate teachers so they teach others the same indoctrination they have received, and thus keep the system rolling. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give teaching a special status when the teacher has reached the top of the line, as professor, and have expectation how a teacher/professor/lecturer has to behave within society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined studying as 'performing' correctly in the eyes of professors and teachers, and to exist in separation from the information that I am just learning to pass the tests but will have never use for practically in my life and thus have created knowledge as a form of separation. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create knowledge and use it as bargaining point for status, prestige and money within our society. 

I commit myself to establish a society where education is meaningful in creating a society based on equality, where learning is living, and access to education is given freely.

I commit myself to establish a society where the idea of a 'student life' is not a special time where students are exempt but learn what it means to act and conduct their life as self-responsible, self-honest human beings - a being who lives through the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to implementing these commitment statements in the context of an Equal Money System. 




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