Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Day 42, 2012 Trapped in a mind field: intellect and knowledge

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can express myself within the community of researchers and academics through the physical and breath without having to revert to mental thinking. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting the point when I do not think, while I must be talking and writing about academic concepts and theories.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my resistance, worries, and blockages that I experience when I write in the context of research are rooted in me ultilising the mind instead of being here in breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that the quality of my work when I working with breath and ‘breathe here’ will not be acceptable by those who peer-review my work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that intellectual thought cannot be derived from breathing here, and within this belief I show myself that I judge the physical as lesser than the mind because I attribute intelligence to the mind but not to the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the mind is one-dimensional and the physical does not have these limitations. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I use my mind to do my research work, I end up stressed and exhausted. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I use my mind to do my research work and I stress myself and therefore abuse my physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this form of abuse through using my mind in intellectual thought is a form of production of energetic charge which is what the mind is addicted to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise when I like ‘doing my research work’ I am liking the energetic charge that I am addicted to because up until now I have worked from the mind as starting point and not from the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lost in intellectual thought when involved in writing about my research and exist in my mind losing all connections to my environment. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not know how to approach expressing my research work in writing in a relaxed manner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot let it flow when I write about my research the way I can let it flow when I write self-forgiveness because research and self-forgiveness are two different things and thus do not realise that in this way I separate myself from my self on the grounds of research and self-forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself when writing about my work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear intellectual death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the death of mind. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that common sense is available in any type of work and that common sense is practical and accessed through the physical. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I participate in the system in the way I do then I must use my mind, not realising that this is a limitation I place upon  myself and that I have no indications that this is so.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have already shown to myself that I benefit from applying myself in breath when engaged with research work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become impatient when I am working on expressing my research work in writing,  when I sit at my desk and breathe and nothing is coming through - at which point I switch to mentally approaching my writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this is a process and it will take a process for me to write my findings down through breathing only.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice myself and to the process of writing by using my mind at the expense of other activities in my life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make academic writing a special and important occasion and thus I do not stand equal to it. 
I commit myself to learn to write publications for peer review from the starting point of breath. 

I commit myself to check my starting point every time I sit down at my desk to write about my work. 
I commit myself to be patient within this physical process of writing academically. 
I commit myself to apply common sense, to approach writing for research just like I would approach any other activity in breath.

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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Day 41, 2012 It's only a number - Christmas programming

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself with the belief that the 25th day of each month is a day where I can expect difficulties. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that any day of the month can be more difficult than any other, which is completely my own doing and has nothing to do with my external reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have seen enough days of the 25th so that I can see a pattern of difficulties, not realising that I am creator of the pattern. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to anticipate difficulties on the 25th of every month.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as embarrassed for such obvious self-manipulation of having programmed myself around a number to determine my experiences. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed because I don’t want to let go and fear change. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used the date “25th” to enslave myself, and to recall this enslavement every month because Christmas has been a difficult experience for me when I lived with my parents. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think: “it’s the 25th - something bad is going to happen today”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “it’s the 25th - something bad is going to happen today” with anxiety. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to face difficulties because I don’t want to face myself within the emotional reactions I allow and accept.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memories of Christmas by making every 25th of any month a Christmas day from the point of my memories. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of Christmas to having difficulties every 25th of each month. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I anticipate Christmas with anxiety. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have usually tried to escape the Christmas frenzy by getting out of the country. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use escape as a way to resolve anger, anxiety and dislike.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I have programmed myself to deny my experiences by running away not realising that I only suppress them deeper. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am no longer living with my parents, and that I no longer need to hold onto the memories and live my life according to what is best for all. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define difficulties as external events to which I have attend to and which cause emotions within me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to perceive ‘living’ in polarisation - as in good/right/positive experiences versus bad/wrong/negative experiences, is an indication that I exist in energy. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that failure is a difficulty and that I need to avoid it, that it is negative/bad/wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that money expenses are a difficulty because they are negative/bad/wrong because I experience myself in anxiety over money. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself with a pattern within a pattern ( the 25th being the pattern and within that I have programmed myself to accept that pattern that difficulty as anxiety and fear exist)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that all events in my life are equal and that it is the emotions/feelings that I attach to the events that give it an energetic charge. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have resistance to writing this self-forgiveness on this point because I believe it’s trivial.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to strive for a life without difficulty which is how I lull myself in future projections and believe in hope. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that a life without difficulty cannot be achieved in the current economic system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that if I commit myself to to self-change through self-realisation I must face all that the system presents me with equally


I commit myself to stop all memories I hold onto that have to do with celebratory days, such as Christmas, Easter, Birthday, New Years day, anniversary, death day. 

I commit myself to stop all definitions around events in my life within polarisation, and stand equal to all events that occur in my life.

I commit myself to deal with any and all memories and definitions regarding 'celebratory' days by writing forgiveness on the memory and definition and equalising myself to the memory and definitions as I walk it/them in breath. 
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