Saturday, April 28, 2012

Day 12, 2012 No relationship is worth my time or commitment

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to have entered relationships with men because I believed that this ‘looked better in the eyes of society’ and gives me more benefits, rather than being solo.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have picked the men I liked because I feared being dependent and 'liking them too much', and thus I have let men pick me, men that I found acceptable, whereby I agreed to the relationship, not really caring about my partner, because it was a form of ‘entertainment’ - and through that I programmed myself to believe that I could step out of it any time I wanted to.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have feared commitment and have, if the topic of commitment surfaced, seen it as grounds to end the relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not seen that the moment my partner would voice a fear that I could not accept, for example if he turned out to be homophobic, I would not only judge him in superiority, but I would instantly lose all interest in continuing the relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could only be with a men who had something to offer, in terms of skills or talent, which I believed for me to be inspiration to ‘get better’ within my skills and talents, not realising that I was seeking to compete and needed a worthwhile ‘someone’ I could measure myself against.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have entered relationships with men who I believed to have an ‘open mind’ - similar to mine. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe relationships as waste of my time because I believed that it was more important for me to pursue work, education, or other interests - than to be ‘preoccupied’ with a partner, who would turn out to lack communication skills and be generally annoying. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not seen the possibility of communication within relationships, because I have based this on my experience of when I have supposedly tried to communicate with a partner, which ‘back fired’ into conflict and hyper emotional states. As a result, I have programmed myself with the belief that men do not communicate and that I do not even need to try anymore. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that relationships are useless because men do not like to communicate, not seeing that I have responsibility to create communication with another. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I commit myself to a relationship I become trapped like my parents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that as a woman having children - in our current society - is entrapment, and that I must do anything to avoid this situation for myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have understood that relationships the way they function are abusive and detrimental, but have never taken responsibility to change this situation, instead I have sought to exempt myself from it by existing on the fringes, and thus have give myself permission to conduct my relationships within ‘half measures’ never giving 100% of anything - a fact that I kept locked away in my secret mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have trusted myself within relationships. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have entered relationships with women as partners, hoping that this would fulfill me, or give me what men could not give me - only to realise that ‘my problems’ did not go away.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have - at one point - decided to stay single for the remainder of my life because I saw no use in relationships, and because I feared intimacy and being ‘hurt’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have - at one point- decided to stay single for the remainder of my life because I believed that working with the light, as light worker, was more important for humanity - which required me to disengage myself from being tied to relationship because I believed that this causes the accumulation of karma and ‘endangered’ my ascension. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have seen that through the belief in ascension I brainwashed myself to believe that relationships are the evil of the world, not realising that it is through relationships we program our 'human nature', and that only through relationships and agreements, we can face ourselves and step out of our preprogrammed reality into nothingness. 
I commit myself to clear all beliefs I have about relationships within my current agreement - as these surface, one-by-one, so that I can learn to take responsibility as equal partner in the creation of a shared life that is best for all.
I commit myself to the release of all fears to which I respond by running away from my partner, and to face myself in self-honesty within the agreement, to walk the process of self-realisaton as Self with another.
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Friday, April 27, 2012

Day 11, 2012 Who am I within words

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to program myself using words.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not realised that the words I speak are accumulation points of energies, they are a track record of each physical situation I have been part of, and through which I have, over time, obliterated all self-expression. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have abused words by never having investigated how and why I use words when I express myself, and how I have created my personality through words.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have believed that creativity, as it is defined and understood by society is self-expression, when I actually have no self-expression and have never moved myself as Self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have spoken and acted from ego throughout all life times on planet earth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not been aware of the emotional/feeling charge of the words I speak and have created relationships with and through words, whereby each word exists within me, within the polarisation of good/positive/right and wrong/negative/bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have connected all spoken words, regardless in which language, to emotions and feelings, whereby I not only have trapped the words but also my Self as self-expression, and in doing so I have participated in maintaining the basic structure of the system we accept and allow to exist as our world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have deployed words as vehicle for my ego to manipulate, deceive and destroy what is here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have spoken words in the context of the design of verbal diarrhea, and have not stopped myself even when I was aware of the absurdity of my words. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not spoken words because I am afraid of the consequences of my words, and in stating this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself because I fear the words that I speak. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created memories through charged words and phrases and have locked these inside my body, and in doing so have build up the mindconsciousness system within all of humanity and have contributed to the abuse of substance. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not actively pursue the solution of words, freeing them from the emotional/feeling charge within me, by giving into the resistance of redefining the words that I speak.
I realise that ‘at the beginning was the word’ - means that words have been at the root of how I programed myself, and that now in process I release each word, one-by-one, breath-by-breath, and redefine each single word so that I can stand one and equal to it eternally.

I commit myself to stopping the use of words from the starting point of ego, and to get to this point I will apply myself diligently through the tools of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. 
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Thursday, April 26, 2012

Day 10, 2012 I expect everything and give nothing

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within expectation in every moment of my physical manifestation on earth. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not realised that the point of expectation is embodied and not just the ‘mental idea’ of something that lies within my future projections, but is as concrete as lifting a cup off the table, and reacting and acting within the expectation that the cup is either full or empty, only to notice that when my expectations are not met, and my assumptions are giving me physical feedback -  that I realise the extend to which I have become the mindconsciousness system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have excused the extend of how I exist within expectation, as being part of human nature, which I have believed to be unchangeable. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that expectation based on the picture I perceive is so ingrained in my physical existence that I will, based on what I expect the picture to be, motivate all my bodily movements not from the starting point of what is 'here' but from the expectation of the picture I see in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that expectations, which I have abstracted and created from the picture-perfect world around me, have been accepted by myself and everyone as experiences; and that these experiences have been valued as understanding and knowing life, when in actual fact these experiences have been the backbone of my participation in cycles of abuse of all life, over eons of time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that because I have valued experience beyond life,  I and everyone else have taught others, throughout generations of humans on earth, how to perceive and respond to our perceptions in the world, and thus recreating time and again, cycles of abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that the picture of this world I believe to be real not only motivates all my bodily movements but also all my emotions and feeling states. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have made expectation my starting point of emotions and feelings, which oscillate between good/positive/right and bad/negative/wrong in every ‘thing’ I do and say, thus I have never really done anything or said anything that corresponds to what is real in this world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that expectation is connected to the fear of survival in every way and that because of me, the mind, wanting to survive I expect everything around me to function, operate, and cater to my self-interest; the self-abusive tunnel vision which inflicts suffering on all life on earth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that my expectation, beyond my physical manifestation on earth, permeates and penetrates all my thoughts and future projections, and that when these future expectations become my presence, and they are met and/or not met, I will store them as emotions (disappointment/anger/fear) and feelings (happiness/excitement/specialness) in the memory bank of my mind, which then in turn motivates my opinions and understandings in how I define myself and others in this world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have seen that 'desires' and 'wants' are a result of my expectations because I operate from lack yet I want to survive, and so I create the cycle of instability coupled and motivated by the fear of survival - but:  instead of giving to myself and all others what is needed to survive, I employ mechanism of competition to entrap myself and others not to see that the most simplistic solution, namely to give to others what we want for ourselves is right in front of our eyes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that to change my personal world, I rely on my expectations, in that I will deceive myself to expect something from someone and by doing so I place the responsibility for my self-change onto others. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be motivated by expectations to change my life and while I am expecting others to take responsibility for this change I anticipate a favourable outcome, which makes me complacent and linger in an illusionary mental state - only when the outcome is not in my favour I re-motivate myself in accumulating efforts towards a specific change, while creating emotional charges - rather than seeing the uselessness of expectation and moving myself with ease breath-by-breath until the physical world confirms the completion of the change I am moving towards. 

I realise that to be here as Self I must end all expectation, I must end all experience, and be anew in every moment and every breath, where I move myself from the starting point of what is best for all.
I commit myself to, in a simplistic manner, will myself here and have no expectation about my perceptions of the world, I move my body as if I am moving it for the first time, within total awareness.
I commit myself to creating total awareness in speaking and acting in the world, to become the living word and to all that I will ever teach to others is be the living word.
I commit myself that I will not cease to recreate myself in total self-awareness of what is 'here' and in doing so accumulate my efforts in creating, as a form of implemented global awareness, an economic world system which provides for all that come after me the best condition and prerequisites to create heaven on earth. 

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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Day 9, 2012 Mind is self-sabotage

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my mind, and through this fear I provide the grounds for my secret mind to act in self-sabotage. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear succeeding in moving as Self, as point of stability throughout all my actions, because this means that I change and walk out of my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dwell in the ‘grayzone’ or to fall back into a ‘mental grayzone’ in creating doubts and beliefs, that slowly creep into my behaviour, because I chose to let go of clarity and let thoughts interfere with ‘me breathing here’, which then diffuses who I am in this moment, and replaces ‘me breathing here’ with  definitions and judgements.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in war with myself by fighting the secret mind and the resulting sabotage, instead of accepting I am my mind at this moment, and only through this acceptance can I change, to walk as breath in the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my starting point and clarity about ‘being and breathing here’ are the main points of reference for me, to stop myself in the moment where conscious thoughts influence my perception and actions and create self-defeating backchat.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to realise that when I engage in acts of self-judgement I prepare myself for self-sabotage, and that when I create and recreate this cycle, I create an energetic charge of anger due to having given into my judgements. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop my participation, the moment I give value to my external world through the signs and markers highlighted by my perception, to allow myself to indulge in judgment and polarisation of what I am through self-definitions that cycle between good/right/positive and wrong/false/negative, not seeing that my evil nature can never be anything else but the mind, and any search for meaning in these beliefs is a diversion from breathing here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage my process of self-forgiveness because I give into the belief that change is difficult, and that if I don’t ‘feel’ like writing self-forgiveness and am writing it anyway that I am a fraud, not seeing that this is part of me not trusting myself, and to be self-trust, to shut up my mind and continue writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that my process is getting easier, because I want to congratulate myself as having made progress, and because I do not want to anticipate more difficulties, and give into my laziness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be led by likes and dislikes in which support my ego and all my self-definitions, and fearing that when I let go of these likes and dislikes that there is nothing ‘left’ of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear nothingness - thus I forgive myself to fear fear itself.
I realise that seeing my self-sabotage is only seeing what I have allowed myself to become and exist as, and that it is through this process of self-realisation I return myself to Self, and that any judgements that come up can only be stopped by me. 
I realise that at the moment I am not at a point where I can understand the deeper mechanism of self-sabotage and that the way forward for me is to commit myself to learn the process of self-realisation with absolute dedication. 
I commit myself to not give up on practicing self-forgiveness and writing, and the learning of all tools that are here for me, to walk out of my mind and become the change I want to see in the world. 
I commit myself to work diligently so that I, breath-by-breath, stop all self-sabotage and that for the moment I work with what I can see and understand. 
I commit myself to practice self-will every day anew, until self-will is stable at all times, so that I can become and am the directive principle of all my activities and words. 

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Day 8, I am here as physical being equal and one

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my body for my experience of sickness, discomfort and disease because I do not want to take responsibility for my creation within the mindconsciousness system, and my addiction to energy and thought patterns.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my body to function perfectly at all times no matter what kind of abuse I inflict on my physical existence, which I am willing to overlook at any given moment, because I do not live as equal to my body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses for my abusive nature towards my body and all physical manifestations on planet earth, because I have never taken a moment to consider the consequences of my individual behaviour and reactions, understanding how these are relevant in creating the whole experience of life on earth for everyone. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider my body a nuisance because I experience myself as limited by the physical body, when in actuality I do not see or understand that I limit myself by existing as a mind, because all I can ever be as mind is to function within the limitation, that is to cycle between energy withdrawal and replenishment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I have never established reliable and trusting communication with my body and my Self but instead accepted that the body cannot be known to me in certainty, but that all my bodily experiences are observations which leave room for guessing, manipulation and deception because I judge my body from the starting point of mind. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted to wear uncomfortable clothing, to endure uncomfortable physical positions or treatments, to eat uncomfortable foods, and to generally accept any discomfort in favor of some mental speculation, belief or thought pattern which I use to justify as being worthwhile in abusing my body. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my body as imperfect because I experience myself as imperfect, and thus to strive for a better physical experience of myself, to become perfect within my physical experience through diet, supplements, and life style changes -  thus making my body and physical experience a project of self-improvement, as projected future of perfection, within the ego parameters of self-interest and dishonesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted the educational paradigm of ‘mind over body’ and lived the belief of this in all its facets, that the body is inferior and must be tamed so that the mind can flourish and evolve, not realising that the reality is to, as mind, stand equal to the body and the physical world because the body is the eternal force of who I am as separated Self and that by returning mind to source, I become whole within my physical existence. 
I realise that I have years of practice of existing within “I am think therefore I am” and in doing so have accepted the body as my vehicle to get around with, that has no life of its own, but has the function and purpose of a tool, as provider for energetic 'feeds', whether that would be through the animated movements that put food in my mouth, or be it through allowing me to execute tasks for which I get paid to survive as a mindconsciousness system.
I realise that my body is unknown to me, as me and not as knowledge, and all physical processes and reactions I experience as being ‘done to me by my body’ where I have no say and responsibility - thus in fact showing me that I have accepted to exist as organic robot. I stop all judgements, beliefs and interpretations towards my body. I take responsibility for my physical experience as me through breathing and common sense, through which I pierce the veil of the mind and enter the universe that is my body.

I commit myself to establish communication with my body through stopping dishonesty, by practicing self forgiveness and through writing myself out, and through consistently applying self-will to move in awareness through breath.


I commit myself to let go of all aversion and preferences about bodies in general, mine and others included, and realise that whatever is from the body are interacting chemicals compositions that are a result of my existence as mindconsciousness system, where I must take responsibility to create world where the physical   is equal and one. 
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Monday, April 23, 2012

Day 7, 2012 At the edge of my 'stances to return'

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that I can stop thoughts of impending ‘failure to proceed as here’ by immediately breathing, yet still recognising that what I experience in my body, and resistances to specific tasks, are real and must be addressed without discouraging myself, but rather using these signals to push myself within my process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that time is a construct that reaches beyond the clock, and that days of the week are also part of time with particular beliefs pertaining to each day of the week, and that is also part of the time construct that I am letting go because I re-focus on Self and cycles of movements.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognise that I have bought into the belief that some days of the week are more valuable and special than others, and that I must ‘hast’ and ‘stress’ myself to maximise these days by being most productive, to recognise the special value of these days like everyone else, because otherwise I miss opportunities that may lead to fruitful completion of my tasks that are interdependent of others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within me to the tasks that lie ahead of me because I have bought into the belief that certain times and days of the week are more or less useful, and by believing this to be real I devalue my Self to a ‘means of performance’, a tool of my mind that vitalises the system, generating emotional charges, instead of understanding that this string of patterns can be easily stopped when I stay consistent in breathing and hereness throughout any time of the day, week, month, or year. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that signals from my body, the world around me, or resistances from my programming are welcomed markers, that I can come face to face with without any emotional charges, seeing them for what they are, and by doing so using these as building blocks for my physical manifested Self as nothingness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not differentiate with clarity what is an emotional charge, when reacting to changes in my environment or when reacting to a particular physical manifestation within my body, but by not insisting on having clarity of Self, I give in to the runaway train that is my mind, due to lack of effort in staying ‘absolute’ within my starting point of equality and oneness.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have utlised my breath as the ‘clock of my process’ where I apply myself in breath-units: breath by breath - not allowing any excuses that are pointing to my external reality as to why I am not able to do so. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that to ‘slow down and breath’ is a form of training that I must go through just like I have entrained myself to speed up, I must reverse this process and by doing so simultaneously stop all backchat and mind chatter, through channelling my focus into breathing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that navigating my focus takes place within clarity, to enable my Self to stay within breath.  
I realise that even if I no longer work against the clock because I have stopped looking at external factors to pace myself, and I look for cycles of my own movement as indicator for how I manage my time, I see that weekdays are also another manifestation of time and future projections, which I have come to measure myself against depending on the accepted belief systems directed towards each day of the week, month, or year. 
I realise that by acknowledging resistances as ‘stances to return’ to what was there before, the pre-programmed and automated behaviours that have determined my life, I can reverse the significance of ‘stances of return’ as ‘indicators for self movement’ - which through unfoldment in breath I unleash Self as who I am in every moment. 
I commit myself to exist in 'clarity of starting point and focus on breath', at any given time, and to chisel away any beliefs that I have not yet discovered, steadily and with precision of the moment.
I commit myself to withdraw all remaining focus on the external world around me as 'guiding ego' for my actions and inactions, and to re-focus Self within cycles of self movement within the principle of oneness and equality. 
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Sunday, April 22, 2012

Day 6, 2012 Every man cease to participate in mens true hate (emancipation and menstruation construct)

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Mens-tru-ate = man’s true hate, why man’s true hate, because a slave will be filled with anger towards self because self knows what self is accepting and allowing, but not accepting and allowing self to stand up and stop the accepted and allowed definition of self according to enslavement / being a slave = and this incorporate both males and females. Marilyn Monroe

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that menstruation is more powerful than me and that accepting it as my human nature, I accept all the excuse of why abuse has to exist, powering the way we exist on earth, continually recreating ourselves from the same thought patterns and belief systems. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am subordinate to the physical processes of my body where I must accept pain and instability as consequence of not ‘knowing’ the physical body and how it works in detail, and therefore abdicate responsibility for the self-created enslavement in which I exist. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify with the symptomatic existence of menstruation because I have accepted that pain and suffering is part of womanhood, and by not unpacking the actual beliefs that are contained with the ‘idea’ of a womanhood, I have instead programmed myself to experience a sense of pride, to not have to face myself and change, ending the acceptance of enslavement. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself that pride of womanhood is a worthwhile way to exist, not realising that by differentiating myself on the basis of gender and sexual organs, I not only separate myself from the physical body shapes male/female, but also accept the role of women in society at any moment in time, including the historical female “underdog”, as the system’s bearer of burden.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not realised that there is no value to the movement of women’s emancipation in the various sectors of society, but that this emancipation is the catalyst for more separation and energetic patterning which allows me and others to point to men in blame, instead of recognising my role in all of what is here now, through my acceptances and allowances. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that by accepting the construct of menstruation as part and parcel of my human nature I deceive myself into the acceptance of anger and hate towards the idea of what men ‘stand for’ in society, without questioning my participation as woman in the manifestations of abuse and suffering. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that through the acceptance of the physical manifestations of my womanhood, the discharge of blood from my body, I have accepted the ‘idea’ and belief of existing in a special circumstance at this time, in which I cannot be active to the same extend as when I am not menstruating.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself because I consider menstruating a special circumstance which allows me to indulge in certain foods and certain behaviours, where I do not realise that these indulgences are the excuse I give to myself to continue my preprogrammed existence of automated behaviour on the premise of physical ‘wants’, ‘needs’ and ‘desires’.

I realise that up until now I have had these understandings about menstruation and womanhood but have not lived them from a self-willed starting point. I realise that self-will spans across all of me, including the physical manifestations, and that it is in deed through the physical changes I can recognise that I am in the process of change. Here I stop all participation in thought patterns surrounding the idea of menstruation and I breathe myself through pain, discomfort, emotional instability, and apparent special requirements. 
I commit myself to stop the thought patterns that form the excuses of 'me' as menstruating woman and see that these limitations are a choice I have made and nothing more. I choose life, to be here as life stripped of limiting beliefs and judgments, and to move in breath from common sense, equality and oneness. 
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