Sunday, December 9, 2012

Day 214, 2012 Another layer of unresponsiveness to self-responsibility



I have recently returned from travels to various parts of the world. Yesterday was my first day back at home. I experienced myself in this heavy state, where I had to face myself in all the projects and routines that I had momentarily left behind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going back to my daily routine but rather want to continue with the exciting life of travelling.

If and when I consider my routine as a burden, I realise that routine is a function of organising my life efficiently. I commit myself to stop creating beliefs around the idea of routine which I use to create an energetic charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cherish the perceived 'freedom' i have when I travel.

If and when I start to indulge in thoughts of 'live is better when...' I stop myself and realise that I am the one who is creating my life and I can make changes to my life so that it suits me. I commit myself to organise my life the way it works best for my circumstances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attributed this sense of freedom I experience to "live out of my suitcase" where I have few things to worry about and thus I am free to go with the flow.

If and when I desire to be carefree I realise that this is just me not wanting to take responsibility. I commit myself to investigate all resistances I have towards self-responsibility until I have eradicated all negative beliefs and approach any responsibility from the standpoint of equality. Within this I commit myself to take self-responsiblity in how I organise my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not recognise that when travelling I am dependent on others and it is this reliance on the 'other' - whether it is at a hotel or with people I know - which gives me a sense of security, like the child-parent dynamic.

If and when I want to be a child again where I do not have any responsibility towards my own life and that of others, I realise that I have created limitations within my life to which I react with resistances. I commit myself to stop any idealisation of a life without responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be like a child where someone else is taking care of me.

If and when I desire to be a child, I stop myself and breathe. I commit myself to investigate how 'getting attention' fits into the picture I have of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy travelling because my 'daily' responsibilities are minimised by the virtue of not being in my home and not having the bulk of my affairs to "worry" about.

If and when I polarise my life into worry and worry-free activities I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop all thoughts that produce worry and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dispose of my starting point of being here by indulging myself in worry and anxiety about the accomplishment of my projects.

If and when I work on my projects I stop projecting how these will be completed. I commit myself to focus on doing what I need to do in the physical world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the sense of relief I experience when I travel is due to me being anxious about my projects.

If and when I judge myself for the desire/feelings I experience, I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop all judgement and be grateful to myself - that I allow myself to recognise these dynamics so that I can change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as overwhelmed when sitting at my desk where I perceive myself as facing a mountain of projects.

If and when I allow myself to enter into the "i give up" character I stop myself and breathe. I commit myself to stop all beliefs about this character and walk the points in accordance to the self-forgiveness I have already written on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the urge to 'escape' from my reality - as I allow myself to go into my mind and recall the carefree living I experienced in my recent travels.

If and when I have the urge to just get away from it all, I look at the current situation and identify the point I don't want to deal with. I commit myself to use all resistance as guidance to my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing all of me and prefer to face just part of me, the parts that are fun and exciting.

If and when I am experiencing fear I stop myself and breathe. I commit myself to live in the awareness of my breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive my daily routine as tedious and perceive travel as fun and exciting, and thus have created a polarisation in which I reiterate my belief that I live a life of limitation.

If and when I have backchat about my current living situation I stop myself immediately and realise the types of consequences I create -  and instead I do what it takes in the physical world, to create circumstances are accommodating of my needs, and are serving me better.

1 comments:

 
Copyright © . Is life possible without the mind? - Posts · Comments
Theme Template by BTDesigner · Powered by Blogger