Friday, December 7, 2012

Day 213, 2012 Jet lagged and unsettled



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for excuses that will justify "backtracking moments" where I don't direct myself, because I believe that I am jet lagged and unsettled, instead of realising that I am in my mind and that I am avoiding to take responsibility for myself.

I realise that I unanimously accept 'common concepts' we all have instead of investigating for myself why I would have be jet lagged or fatigued just because I am travelling extensively. I commit myself to investigate my accepted understandings of how I 'should' feel any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jet lag as a limitation that I place on my body and thus excuse myself that I feel tired and unwell.

I realise that I through my acceptances and allowances I am creating the situation. I commit myself to stop making assumptions as to how I 'should' experience my body due to a certain activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use travels to indulge in foods that I normally do not eat and that I know are not beneficial for my health.

I realise this gradual process of allowing myself to slip into ways of eating that I know do not work for me, and this creates the consequence of me feeling unwell. I commit myself to stop thoughts that excuse my behaviour due to my life circumstances such as travels, and immediately stop myself from acting differently in my consumption habits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea of jet lagged and the activity of travel as an excuse to lower my discipline not realising that if need an excuse to allow myself to become undisciplined then I am still living 'discipline' separate from me.

I realise that I still carry beliefs on 'discipline' and act on the grounds of these beliefs. I commit myself to further investigate these beliefs and stop them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as unsettled because I continue to travel, and experience myself as deprived from my "home".

If and when I feel deprived because I don't have what I think I need I realise that this is just a mind fuck and that all sense of belonging is a trap I must remove from my life. I commit myself to stop dwelling on memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need my habitual surrounding to experience myself as settled and relaxed.

If and when I believe I 'need' something I look at the reality of my life and realise that I have everything I need. I commit myself to stop my mind from producing artificial needs that serve to entrap me,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is difficult to keep my life organised when I travel and thus I allow myself to skip tasks and commitments instead of finding alternative ways of moving these tasks forward and stick to my commitments.

I commit myself to make progress in my organisation so that I will not have to struggle with creating organisation while I am travelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I travel I cannot work as I normally do and thus I experience myself as conflicted, instead of realising that I am engaging in self-sabotage.

I commit myself to utlising all time I have when I travel in the most efficient manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I get into intense travel periods, it's a special time and therefore all aspects of my life are allowed to change.

I commit myself to stop all 'specialness' because i have to travel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing myself and therefore look for special times where I can 'let go' of self-direction because I have declared these times as exempt from my daily application.

If and when I am 'dipping' in my application I stop myself and look at the situation in common sense, to see what it is that I can realistically do in the current context on my life. I commit myself to eradicate any and all thought that comes up when I am planning my work while travelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing myself and therefore look at the my surroundings as cue for self-direction where I allow myself to be exempt from self-direction when I am not in my "home" environment.

If and when I make a difference in how I live my life because I am not physically in my 'home' environment, I stop and breathe - I realise that my self-direction is equal to my self-trust whereby any changes in environment are irrelevant. I commit myself to develop self-trust so that I can direct myself regardless of my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the resistances to stay effective in my daily living by engaging in activities that are not relevant at the moment and/or that screw up my priorities.

If and when I face resistance I write myself out so that I understand where this resistance comes from. I commit myself to stop my resistance and focus on my self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with impatience and anger to my behaviour.

If and when I react with anger and/or impatience toward myself I realise that I am playing the character who wants to reach a specific goal and in that I miss my opportunity to be here equal and one to every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel physically unwell where my stomach and intestines feel uneasy and preoccupy me.

If and when I create stomach and intestinal pains I realise that this is me abusing myself - I stop myself and breathe. I commit myself to stop myself from producing energy charges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the consequence of these beliefs of falling behind in my work and other areas of my life is me creating unnecessary stress for myself - where I create a situation in the future that has the starting point of anxiety.

If and when I realise I operate from anxiety I stop myself and bring myself here in awareness and correct my starting point.

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