Monday, November 12, 2012

Day 199, 2012 Socialising and the split world syndrome No.4


In the previous post I applied self-forgiveness to the imagination dimension, in this post I will address the backchat and reaction dimensions. To read the basic premise of this series of posts go to day 195.



 Backchat:

"I need to get that person's name again - what's the best way to do that?"

"Why do they look like they wanna go away when I am talking to them, or is this just a nervous tick?"

"I need to get to the point somehow"

"what else can I talk about that could interest them"

"Why the hell do they want to know all the details of my research.."

"who's the main guy here?"

"I wish I could just say things as they are"


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat "I need to get that person's name again - what's the best way to do that?" exist within me instead of making sure that I get the name in the first place, and not let the moment slip by where I could have asked the person to repeat their name. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat "Why do they look like they wanna go away when I am talking to them, or is this just a nervous tick?" exist within me and use this backchat to interpret someone's actions instead of being here one and equal in the moment.

I commit myself to stay in awareness when I am talking to others and stop interpreting another's physical movements as having relation to the situation whether they want to stay or go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat "I need to get to the point somehow" exist within me, where I worry about when there is a good moment to talk about the point why I am in this networking situation to begin with.

I commit myself to stop anxiety on anticipating how and when I need to bring my point up and start to enjoy myself during the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat "what else can I talk about that could interest them" exist within me where I worry that I run out of interesting topics.

I commit myself to stop focussing on the external world - no matter the situation I find myself in and trust that what I have to say is here at any moment when I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat "Why the hell do they want to know all the details of my research.." where I am not finding the words to roll out the basic version of my research's thesis.

I commit myself to stop fears about how to convey this or that, and how it is 'received' by my conversation partner - I speak from the point of being here in awareness and trust whatever I say make sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat "who's the main guy here" where I am anticipating to find the most relevant person in regards to my reason for being at the socialising/networking event.

I commit myself to stop anxiety and go into my mind, where I worry that I am not finding the 'right' person fast enough, and trust that I move forward through networking and eventually will end up with the person that I need to talk to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat "I wish I could just state things as they are" where I am impatient about having to adhere to certain codes of conduct.

I commit myself to accept the rules for moving in these kinds of circles, and stop having backchat or opinions about how to 'behave' within it.


Reaction:

Anticipating meeting people

Hyper awareness to not make mistakes

Expectation of an outcome

Leveraging of the clothes I wear


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate meeting certain people in a networking context because of the assumptions I hold regarding their professional positions.

I commit myself to stop anticipating anyone based on what I know about their work or connections- instead I learn to stand as an equal regardless of whom I talk to and what position they hold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in hyper awareness where I am assessing what happens around me to understand how to place myself in this context.

I commit myself to stop fragmenting my awareness and remain here in breath and do not concern myself with anything else, knowing that when I am aware in this moment through breath all I need to know is here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that my efforts yield a return of some sort that I will be able to use to further my interest. 

I commit myself to stop all expectation and apply myself breath by breath until the objective is reached.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the outfits that I have to wear in this context to leverage of for different types of behaviour.

I commit myself to stop, now that I have accepted to wear a suite, going off into a polar opposite by labelling the wearing of these types of clothes as something 'special',  but instead I realise that I am whoever I am in whatever clothes I wear. 

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