Friday, November 9, 2012

Day 195, 2012 Socialising and the split-world syndrome



In the last few days I have been involved in socialising as part of a networking effort. I have been meeting people in a number of official settings e.g. conferences and so forth. What I noticed is that I no longer experience myself as separate whereas I used to judge these people for being different to me. I can attribute this change to my process of self-investigation (self-forgiveness/self-corrective application) and breathing.

While walking my process, I have seen that one of my strategies to cope with living has been to separate and isolate myself from specific streams of culture. In the past, I was very exclusive in where I would mingle and who would be allowed in my world. I was mostly hooked on the fringe of society, I wanted to belong the subcultures along the margin of society, looking in rather than being part of the mainstream, looking out. In hindsight, I realise that I have made life decisions based on not wanting to be part of this subculture vs another. In the course of walking the DesteniIprocess I have seen the programs that I have adopted and believed to be me, which underpin this kind of behaviour. I was able to understand how I used memories of my childhood to create the polar opposite to what my parents liked. I did this because fundamentally I did not want to accept my parents but ultimately I did not want to accept myself.

Living is so much lighter now where I don't have to fight for my right to be 'right on' with my choice of people and groups I move in. This step that I have taken so far, in stopping prejudice against others by seeing myself as the other, has facilitated me to drop my fears in many ways. I no longer subscribe to the introvert personality. I no longer get 'overloaded' sharing the same space with another for more than 24hours.

However, the last two days where I networked more than usual, I noticed that I still enter into a split-world when I go out of my habitual environment and dip into an environment of total strangers in formal settings. I get caught up in the mind because I realise that when I leave the place of gathering, I easily return to consistently bringing myself back into awareness yet when I am in the midst of the crowd, this awareness has slipped away. This point will be investigated in the posts to come.


Fears:

I won't remember the person's name I was introduced to.

I won't be able to read the body language when they want to move on and mingle with others

being asked a question about my work and I don't have a short answer and go into unnecessary detail that they do not want to hear or can understand.

I won't get to the point of my networking effort.

I won't realise who is the most important person in the room with whom I should connect.

I can't keeping the conversation going by saying something interesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won't remember someone's name, title and area of work and will lose the opportunity to refer to them in some later context.

I realise that when I use my mind I am more likely to not remember but when I am there in breath I am I embody the information.

I commit myself to use the moment of being introduced to someone to bring myself back to breath - and listen to the name, title, and work in the awareness of my breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am oblivious of body language and I won't see when the person wants to move on or switch to another topic in the conversation.

I realise that ever since I started to investigate myself that reading the body language becomes easier as I can see the programs I carry around in others as well. Through being here in awareness, I get a clear picture of what is going on rather than the other way around.

I commit myself in the moment when this fear comes up breath deeply and assess the situation whereby I can look at it in common sense e.g. how long have I talked with this person already, and how many more people are there I can talk to, introduce myself etc. - I commit myself to bring it all down to common sense and mathematics e.g. the gathering in this room will last 2 hours and I have 50 people to move through, and so forth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loss when the person moves on and I am not done yet making the points i want to make.

I realise that the use of networking is to introduce myself and get my name in circulation. Furthermore I realise that I am looking to get to know the 'playing' field and placing any expectations on the individual is just my mind sabotaging myself. I commit myself to stop the sabotage and act in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I don't have short answers ready for the questions that I am being asked, and the person will lose interest and move on.

I realise that when I practice breathing and speaking here in this moment as myself, my communication stems from self-trust. Alternatively, I can prepare a list of questions with answers that I have written down and having gone through the exercise of doing so is helpful because I embody the answers, and have no need in involving the mind.

I commit myself to bring myself back to breath when thoughts come up while speaking so that I am focussed on breathing and speaking instead of assessing another's reactions via my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not getting my point in the conversation, the reason for which I am networking in the first place.

I realise that I can approach the conversations without expectation.

I commit myself to be present in the conversation without expectations of outcome but make use of whatever comes up during the conversation to push my agenda forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can't identify the most important person in the room because I did not read all of the documents/did not do online research /or have backchat (e.g. they all look alike, everyone is wearing a suit) and thus I do not maximise my opportunity for a successful result of this networking effort.

I realise that I can prepare myself and that stop my backchat. I commit myself to stop all procrastination regarding the preparation and approach networking as a development where I am learning to socialise in the most effective manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not one for small talk and thus have not learned to keep a conversation going so that it is interesting in the context of networking.

I realise that this fear is based on a belief and that I can approach the conversation without performance angst. I commit myself to learn to enjoy myself when talking to others and stop all investment in deep topics and all judgement of one topic being more important than another. I commit myself to stop judging my conversations and thus stop judging myself by remaining in breath when talking.  

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