Saturday, November 3, 2012

Day 189, 2012 Dissolving the 1-click approach to life: continued


I am continuing this post from the previous day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not have the discipline that it takes to make the one point come true, and thus free myself from this life and embrace my new life.

I realise that discipline is easily misconstrued when we suppress ourselves. The root of self-discipline is simple: breathe here in every moment.

I commit myself to making my first stage of discipline breathing in awareness in every moment as I realise that all other points of discipline needed will flow from this one point. If and when my awareness drifts in my mind away from my breathe, I gently bring myself back here by stating: I am the breathing body as "I".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am just not seeing the obvious that is staring me in the face - those obvious points that I can see in other people's lives but I can't see for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unprepared, to not having thought of everything beforehand and consequentially I am not being able to solve this one point because I lack the preparation that was needed.

I realise that preparation can be practical in getting the physical reality ready for a future engagement, but I also realise that this line can be crossed and one creates a sense of trust through planning and preparation, together with suppressing one's fears.

I commit myself to investigate my motives behind my need to brood and plan, to work from an idea, plan or some other crutch - I commit myself to learn to see the difference between crutch and support in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not practical enough, that I claim to be practical but that I have not refined my methods to approach things in the most practical manner that will maximise my efforts and bring the result to fulfill this one point that has to fall into place for my life to be better.

I realise that practicality is a learning process because it is one's efficiency in arranging time and space (and the objects thereof) in the best possible manner so that it supports an outcome that is best for all.

I commit myself to investigate my resistances in areas where I am not practical. I trust myself to be a practical person and have developed a solid practicality - however, I realise that I have resistances which keep me from being practical through and through because I circumvent points when I have resistances. I commit myself to firstly identify these and to secondly stop resistances by taking them on in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am too frivilous that I too often get side-tracked of wanting to do something for fun, and thus I curb myself all the time to stay on the ball and not waste my time, to not engage creatively because creativity is not useful to get this one point completed.

I realise that I suppress myself in allowing myself enjoyment because I trap myself within this one-solution approach to my life, where I believe that I will be able to do all the cool things once I am there and thus postpone enjoyment.

I commit myself to permit myself to see the value of enjoyment and creativity in my life. I commit myself to pick up the pieces from where I left them when I dropped enjoyment and creativity. I commit myself to inject an activity into my weekly routines where I focus on the type of activity and not evaluate the activity based on how much time it takes. When and if I get to the point where I start to evaluate the time rather than the activity itself, I stop and look in awareness and in self-honesty at the time frame and my responsibilities, and I make my decision from common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my real problem for not getting this one point done is that I am not responsible enough and that I take things too lightly and only through taking responsiblity will I accomplish that one point.

I realise that I use this point of not-taking-responsibility as a form of self-sabotage, where I enact my parents to suppress myself.

I commit myself to see, understand and realise that taking-reponsibility means that I assess things in common sense. If and when this fear comes up again, I practically put the point on paper before me, and see if and where I can be more responsible in context with all my other responsibilities and priorities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am allowing myself to be influenced by others, and diminish my own views because I actually consider what someone else believes is acceptable for me to take on as if it were an instruction, and if were to stop this sort of behaviour then I would get to the completion of this one point.

I realise that others can give me a perspective but that I am the one who walks the decision and if I rely on others giving me an answer than I am not taking responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself on every level and seeing that a suggestion is 'influencing' me is also a responsibility - I therefore practically listen to what is being suggested and then put it next to my perspectives to understand in how this suggestion supports me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am unable to change and that I am stuck in this place because I am unable to see my patterns clearly and thus I cannot really change myself.

I realise that I am able to change but I also realise to change I must do the work: writing in self-honesty, breathing, persistently bringing myself back to here in self-trust. I realise that this fear is self-sabotage, to avoid doing the work to walk my process - it is the preliminary step to giving up.

I commit myself to stop all expectation of how I will be in the future when I am changed. I commit myself to focus on this moment here and practically do so by creating my schedules and other ways of documenting my activities that I use guideline - stop all excuses for creating expectation or the need to project any situation into the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am unreliable and therefore I can't trust myself to get the work done that needs to be done to reach the completion of this one point.

I realise that I have a tendency to use the program "morality of duty and obligation" to self-sabotage and to suppress myself. I realise that this point of reliability played a big role in my childhood and that I must further investigate here.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand where I use the program "morality of duty and obligation" to create suppression within myself. I commit myself to investigate my memories of in relation to this point and face who I am within that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my actions are unpredictable and that I never know what lies within me, that I am not able to see into myself and understand where I am coming from, and this is what is causing me to not be able to complete this one point and reach a better life.

I realise that I fear seeing my emotions as they surface through my automated behaviour because I believe to be helpless when an emotional ride takes its course.

I commit myself to stop seeing my emotions as separate from me and as something unwanted. I commit myself to understanding that my emotions are useful in showing me where my points lie that I must work with. I commit myself to step by step, breath by breath become accepting of myself as a whole package.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not cautious enough and that in my decisions I don't see how I trap myself because I am too risky based on my beliefs that things will work out, and only if I can be more cautious then I will find a solution for this one point that I need to complete.

I realise that being cautious means acting from the starting point of fear and fearing to not be cautious enough means that I fear not fearing enough. I realise that common sense is a fearless assessment of reality.

I commit myself to apply common sense in all situations and practically implement it by first checking on my emotions as they come up before making any assessments in how to proceed in reality.

To be continued in the next post.





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