Thursday, November 1, 2012

Day 187, 2012 Dreaming: The gigantic rock formation and my mother



I had a dream that I was going to get married. The marriage ceremony was situated in a gigantic rock formation where all the couples were walking along a catwalk for the relatives to see them. All was relatively good and I was ok with my parents being there. As we, the couples, started to walk in front of all those people my mother started to scream and wave at me. I could not believe it, I was so embarrassed. I then moved myself on the other outer edge so that I would not see her. Afterwards, the catwalk was done and I disappeared. I just wandered into the woods and got lost. I wandered around and enjoyed the view, it was all gigantic, just beautiful. There were also other people walking in that area.

On my way back I was thirsty and I looked for water. Then I heard water running and turned around. There was little doe lying next to where the water was running which was a bit hidden. When I got close the doe ran away and I looked for the water by lifting a bit of earth. Once I did, I saw a rather large stone or maybe it was a perl - and then I woke up.

gigantic rock = solidity, steadiness, my process, incremental growth, long term

marriage = union, assembling pieces together, connection

catwalk = presentation, seen, exposure, exhibition

with other couples = not special, one of them, integrating, group ‘thinking’

mother waving and screaming = not discreet, self-importance, drawing attention to oneself

thirsty = wanting to know

edge = decision, fork in the road, change

embarrassment = fear of change, fear of drawing attention to myself

getting lost = running away, not facing myself

the woods = protection, seeking help, not wanting responsibility

doe = scared, gentle, fragile, victim,

water = carrier of programs, memories,

earth = support, substance,

stone = stable self, facing myself


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that there are specific points that are keeping me from integrating myself as myself by bringing all parts back to me from the separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself and thus not trust the process of bring myself back together, and to become one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being special and being just like everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposure, presentation, being seen as who I am - in that I am not special and just like everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself by fearing the limitation of this life/system and by not wanting to take responsibility for having created what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being united, whole and integrated with others because I fear that I cannot trust myself as others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as a point of change within my environment because I fear drawing attention to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, on the one hand, other people’s attention and on the other hand, I want to be special by not being like everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing at the fork in the road at in my current situation and not knowing that I can change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face myself because I don’t want to take responsibility to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up my memories by fearing to give up my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that once I give up my memories I will be stable and see myself for who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who my mother is because I fear who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am and want to hide myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my protection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown, to fear who I am without my habitual protection.

I commit myself to change myself to become one and equal to all that is here and see, realise and understand who I am without my memories/mind.

I commit myself to stop holding myself back from change and trust that myself to change.

I commit myself to breathing and walking my process, to taking on my mind by permitting myself to use my self-support in the form of dreams to guide me to limitations and let them go.

I commit myself to seeing, realising and understanding that my parents are me, and that by reuniting myself with my parents instead of abandoning my parents, as I believe that they have abandoned me, I accept myself.

I commit myself to face myself by facing my fears in all ways.


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