Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Day 186, 2012 Collaborative writing and reactions


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider myself a victim in a collaborative writing situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am being disadvantaged in this collaborative writing project because I am female and I do not have the same amount of 'work' experience as my writing partner, and therefore I believe that my views are being undermined.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken serious by my writing partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my writing partner takes my writing away from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a voice in the collaboration in terms of my contributions to the paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 'know' when my writing partner reacts and gets upset.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my writing partner's reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my writing partner's defensive behaviour when I tell him that I am not accepting certain things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself by fearing my reactions and ego pranks when collaborating with my writing partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my writing partner is 'against' me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my writing partner sees himself as better than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that he is doing me a favour by writing this paper with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that he is difficult to work with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that he has a big ego and that he wants to be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger to my writing partner where I feel an energetic charge shooting up from my solar plexus area, and into my head, warming up my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my writing partner with anger where I want to impulsively respond to his statements but then suppress myself because I do not want to create consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my writing partner with emotion where I just want to scream at him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about never wanting to work with him again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat where I condemn him as the worst collaborator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by the emotions and the competition to win this fight and not let myself be undermined by this 'man'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can maintain my grounds in this collaboration without reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my thoughts and my backchat when writing collaboratively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to permit myself to allow for this energetic surge to exist within me instead of slowing myself down in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have written self-forgiveness right from the start of the collaboration because I could see how my reactions were building up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to show myself that I trust myself, and that I know what I am doing when I direct this collaborative project.

If forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to show myself self-trust instead of living as self-trust, equal and one in every moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine all kinds of stories and reasons why I am being treated in a disadvantaged manner instead of focussing on the work and stopping my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for these reactions.

I commit myself to stop making this collaborative writing project an emotional drama by stopping myself to believe in my thoughts.

I commit myself to see, understand and realise that I can stop myself by stopping my ego from taking over when, in the moment of tension, I simply take a deep breath and bring myself here.

I commit myself to clear myself before every session with my writing partner to create enjoyment for myself instead of energetic charges.

I commit myself to realise that his reactions are not mine and that all I need to be concerned with in the first instance is with my stability in the interaction, and secondly keeping my focus on the work, and not let judgement interfere with the collaboration.

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