Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Day 185, 2012 Never good enough: my body carries the burden

This post is the last post in the series of posts on the "I am not good enough" character I have started on Day 179. Here I am forgiving the physical dimension. 







I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from myself, from speaking, acting and creating because of fear that I am not good enough and the ensuing judgement so that I must stop myself and hold back - where the 'holding back' is literally suppressing the action in my body where my muscles contract, especially around my midsection and my hands become tense and stiff: I freeze the non-action into the cells of my body, as a way to hide myself within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my body via self-judgement where I allow myself to 'offload' the resulting energetic charges by dumping them onto my body, which jolts my body the moment this habituated thought pattern takes over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that over time these physical reactions have become habituated where I hold my body tense and tight in places where I am so caught up in holding onto the tension that I have forgotten how to be and exist in a relaxed manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have physically become my mind in the thoughts that I created time and again, and that these have determined and shaped my physical body, like a tree has been shaped by the wind, and that I have allowed this process as abuse against life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept that the moment where I evaluate my self to be not enough for this or that - that I place the responsibility of the burden of judgement onto my physical body which is then doomed by me to carry the burden of abuse - just like me not taking responsible for the system I participate in which creates abuse in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as restricted within my physical body, especially in a situation where I am judging myself as not good enough - I tie myself up by tightening my lips, by drying out my throat and making my voice small and inaudible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered that I am responsible for what happens to my body based on what I am thinking but that I choose to believe that my body does what it does on its own.

I commit myself to persistently forgive the thoughts I have that centre on me judging myself as not good enough and by clearing the thoughts through centring myself in breath instead from the starting point of oneness and equality I will emerge free of the "I am not good enough" character.

I commit myself to the understanding that walking the self-correction is doing the work in the physical time and space which requires application and dedication to myself in self-honesty.

I commit myself to broaden my awareness in how I abuse my body and see, realise and understand that by stopping my thoughts, I stop the abuse on my body.

I commit myself to learn to relax my body by breathing into my body in awareness.

I commit myself to unpacking each and every task from the point of thoughts and characters.

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