Saturday, October 27, 2012

Day 183, 2012 Never good enough: What I am listening to...

This post is a continuation in the series of posts where I investigate the "I am not good enough" character. Here I continue with the backchat dimension.




As I am getting ready to write my post here, I can see how deeply ingrained this character's thoughts are because my first backchat that comes up is: "I wonder if I can list all the thoughts related, or will I miss some..."

It's interesting how not being good enough is also part of our educational system and in that we train ourselves to always question our ability no matter the simplicity or complexity of the activity. This is not critical thinking of course, this is a form of self-sabotage so that we remain in fear and stop any self-change. To this extend, I can see that this character makes a dominant appearance throughout people's life and has been mistakingly identified as a 'healthy way to go about things' - and this is also what I see in academia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to list all thoughts here related to the "I am not good enough" character and in that show myself, as I am beginning the task of writing my daily post, that I am 'ruled' by believing the task at hand is probably not executed in a perfect manner - whereby I show myself that I cannot just accept that I list all my thoughts here and if there are more thoughts that come up at some other time, I will write self-forgiveness about those thoughts there and then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought: "This is totally over my head" exist within me and that I believe this thought as part of the "I am not good enough" character I play - whereby I do not realise that whatever is here is all part of me, equal and one - nothing can be more or less except my perception of it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "I have never done this before" exist within me as part of the "I am not good enough" character that I play - whereby I realise that I have taught myself to project anything unknown as being negative, difficult and less than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought: "This is too much to do all by myself" exist within me as part of the "I am not good enough" character that I play - whereby I realise that I am not helpless but that I use helplessness within the belief that I am separated from the world and that I must fight for my survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "It seem like you need so much expertise to be good at this, I am not there yet" as part of the "I am not good enough character that I play - whereby I realise that I make assumptions about everything I do and built up expectations based on these assumptions instead of just being here breathing and moving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "There are others who have so much more to offer than me" as part of the "I am not good enough character" that I play - whereby I realise that each one of us has different things to contribute to any situation, and in that all create the whole in oneness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "Surely, he or she is just saying that, they don't mean it" as part of the "I am not good enough" character that I play - whereby I realise that I 'use' a statement made by another to charge the "I am not good enough" character instead of remaining here stable, breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought exist within me: "If I could, I would" as part of the "I am not good enough" character that I play - whereby I realise that I stop my participation in a number of activities because I believe my backchat - and dwell on the illusion and to not have to move myself.

I commit myself to stop setting myself up with fears of not being good enough in any task I do and just do what I need to do and get on with it. 

I commit myself to stop myself from listening to my mind chatter and believing it instead of just letting the thoughts pass by and get on with the task at hand. 

I commit myself to stop tempting myself to believe that my assumptions and expectations are safe, if they are coming from a negative place, and thus I have all the more reason to believe that is being said in my head. 

I commit myself to realise that any form of helplessness that I display is an avoidance manoeuvre and requires me to investigate where I do not want to take responsibility.

I commit myself to stop any and all comparison which enables me to draw the conclusion of not being good enough. 


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