Saturday, October 27, 2012

Day 182, 2012 Never good enough: It's all in my imagination

This post is a continuation in the series of post on the "I am not good enough" character which I began to deconstruct on Day 179. Here, I am looking at the imagination dimension.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project in my mind a future of events that mirror to me outcomes where I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself attempting to do things that are of value to the world so that I have a purpose, a mission, from which I embark in this world to achieve a status or position that then illustrates my value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify and judge how I navigate in the world according to the 'classification' of the world system, so that I choose and pick to pursue things that have challenges and rewards, so that I can climb a mental/physical/emotional mountain from which I can tell my Self "I am good enough" for this and that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave all that which does not have a beneficial value for making me feel good enough out of my imaginary projection, and thus separate my Self from humanity, and all the abuse and misery that I have caused as a participant on planet earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that to seek to identify with aspects of the system - in my imagination - that would give me the satisfaction to 'feel' good enough about myself is how I keep myself occupied and blind to changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be caught in a loop within my imagination where on the one hand I pick out the activities/actions/endeavours that add 'value' to me and make me good enough, on the other hand I see myself failing, struggling, incomplete or incapable of reaching a final, successful outcome and in doing so I keep being stuck and entrapped within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to often project what kinds of tasks are involved in a particular activity and based on this imagination I decide that I am unable to pursue this activity further where I in my imagination I match the skill needed with the self-value I have and will then use this 'unreal' equation to come up with a negative answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions about anything in reality that I do not know about because I use my imagination, and thus permit myself to always have a negative default which tells me that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my imagination to create nested assumptions where I imagine what is involved in a particular task, and thus I do not want to involve myself because I see myself as not good enough to successfully complete the task, whereby I further imagine that I don't have a choice to just try and do the task - as I cannot first wait and see what is coming my way and then decide whether I can do it, because at that point it will be too late to make such a statement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use imagination to manipulate myself and create absurd thoughts that I believe to be true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cloud my common sense using my imagination so that I obscure any practical ways to measure - in common sense - my disposition in a particular activity or endeavour.

I commit myself to projecting future events in how I script an act or a movement or feeling for myself and instead I stop myself from going there in my mind and breath here and move myself in the physical world.

I commit myself to stop evaluating my future activities from the point of 'value in the system' where I act like a puppet on a 'mental' string to fulfil the system agenda, my pre-programmed design.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that all activities in the system are equal in their value when I am one and equal to the system.

I commit myself to take responsibility for all that which I discard because I cannot see value in it and within that I realise that as long as I seek value in the external world I am an abuser because I exist within polarisation.

I commit myself to stop looping in my imagination where I project activities of value to me, and my inability and incompetence regarding these activities - persistently looping between the two dimensions.

I commit myself to stop projecting the content of any situation in my mind as future scenarios where I fail in some shape or form.

I commit myself to eliminate the belief and the acting as the character that is "not good enough" and learn make decisions based on pure, solid common sense rooted in practical reality.

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