Friday, October 19, 2012

Day 174, 2012 Untying myself from culture as times gone by






I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself with sadness and heaviness about the times I have already lived, evoked by the memories triggered by the death of Sylvia Kristel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view life as looking back on it and thus bound by time instead of realising that life is always here in every moment and cannot be hoarded or accumulated like memories or creations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created attachment to the perception of my physical reality, which I have encapsulated as memories, albeit these are vague, formless, colourless and without context - these memories are only emotions of sadness and loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the acceptance as the world as “times gone by”, as unretrievable moments passed by, whereby this is my acceptance of loss of time and thus loss of life as life is not seen beyond the mind, as simply being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what comes after the physical life, and thus I create emotional responses of regret and longing.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for times that I have defined as good times, when my life was easier, and in that I allow myself to compare and judge what I live in this moment and expose to myself that I am not OK with what I am living here in this moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself based on the cultural acceptance of time and the passing of others as an indicator of the quality of times gone by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to reference images, sounds, objects but also people and their roles as preprogrammed lives as a way to define my life through attachment and ownership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted the idea of culture as valid to measure myself against in every way, instead of realising that through this collective definition we keep the status quo and our enslavement to an abusive system we have created together as ongoing practice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reflecting on culture can help me understand better where I have been and where I am going, whereas I do not see that culture has been used to make the illusions we live by official and deny ourselves to truly change, to step out of our self-created limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to accept cutlure as me and believe that through process I can escape participating in culture not realising that I am the culture I allow to exist and accept.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still search for ways to define and label myself by accepting aspects of culture and rejecting others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in society looking for pieces of culture through which I can live my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into culture in the future, whereby I look for the parts of culture I want to exist in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as my project of the future, and thus expose to myself that I believe that I am not enough.

I commit myself to stop defining myself through the culture around me, through the culture I have existed in, and the culture that I have limited myself by.

I commit myself to stop reminiscing about times gone by and the idea that culture is an indicator of the quality of life that I have had.

I commit myself to stop classifying life through cultural experiences.

I commit myself to stop designing myself as cultural product to create attachments of desirable traits within the cultural context.

I commit myself to examine any beliefs that come up in relation to culture.  



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