Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Day 172, 2012 The falling vegetables and social conditioning


The other day I was in a store getting my groceries, and right next to me some vegetables fell on the ground, without me having done anything to make it happen. As I picked them up and put them back and while doing so I had a reaction where I wanted to be sure that I was not identified as the guilty party that made the vegetables fall on the ground. It's a silly reaction and totally automated. 

I realise that this is how we are raised to always exist in fear of blame whenever we move about in society. Hence that is also why it's easier not to do anything and walk away from any scene instead of take responsibility for something that happened in one's physical proximity - even though one is not at the source of the occurrence. The bigger notion of such small incidence is that we will ignore thousands of people who are being abused in more than one way, where we do not see our participation as members of  humankind because we don't want to take responsibility in fear of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear others' reaction if I rectify a situation that I did not cause directly but only indirectly by my group participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not act in common sense because I fear another will judge me negatively and make me responsible for something that I did not do but only tried to rectify.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that these types of thoughts incapacitate my where I do not take responsibility for humanity as a group and allow myself to be controlled into non-action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others so much so that I react with guilt when I physically rectifying a situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow individuals/societies influence me and direct my action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take initiative in physical terms to change my environment for the benefit of all because I am not certain in how this will be received by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stand out as the one who does things differently and thus I am more concerned with fitting in than with creating a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of my parents believing other kids instead of me about a broken window - even though it was not me who broke the window because the children just wanted to find a scapegoat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memory of my parents believing a hoard of children that mopped me and accused of breaking a window - even though I only passed by the scene and was not there when it occurred.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define betrayal, resentment, dislike within the memory of my parents believing other kids instead of me about a broken window - even though it was not me who broke the window because the children just wanted to find a scapegoat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from betrayal, resentment, and dislike by defining betrayal, resentment and dislike within the memory of my parents believing a hoard of children accusing me of breaking a window and my parents believing them instead of me - even though it was not me and the kids where looking for a scapegoat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that betrayal, resentment and dislike are here equal and one as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I co-created the situation with the children who mopped me - in that I fled in fear to run home instead of remaining on the spot where I was standing without doubt and fear.

I forgive myself that I have created disappointment in the moment when my parents did not believe me but believed a bunch of strange kids - and where I still resent my parents for not having stood up for me and protected me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for their behaviour, in failing to protect me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a society where no one wants to take responsibility because all fear each other -because everyone fears that their life is implicated where it will cause disruption/work/commitment when someone else makes a decision to stand up and change, to become equal to what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me changing does not impact the greater of society thus there is no point in making an effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the consequences of the world as it exists on the micro - every day level- to the macro - global affairs level is spiralling to ever greater abuse which will end in self-annihilation if we do not take responsibility.

I commit myself to notice all acceptances and allowances and release them through writing.

I commit myself to stop judging others because I realise as long as I judge another I will also judge myself.

I commit myself to raise the point of self-responsiblity with others so that we are all aware of what we have accepted and allowed to exist in the world as this is a collective world to which we all contributing.

I commit myself to stop all social conditioning however small or insignificant because all is an attribute to what I allow to exist in this world.

I commit myself to move myself in awareness so that I know when must adhere to social etiquette because I realise that changes have to be made without causing backlash for myself. 

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