Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Day 171, 2012 The 'frustrated' character


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto frustration, whereby I realise that in situations where I am frustrated I have a choice, yet I still hold on because I believe that being frustrated gives me "something".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't know what this "something is" - when the word "fear" comes up as I am typing this - and therefore the "something" I am holding on to is fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I miss something when I move away from my activity that causes me to be frustrated because I force myself to hold onto the activity in fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the content of the activity because the content is not familiar and thus I see the content as threat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become threatened by the content of an activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things/activities/surroundings that are not familiar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will fail with things/activities/in surroundings that are not familiar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too slow in my movement when I am confronted with things/activities/surroundings that I am not familiar with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not succeeding in things/activities/in surroundings that I am not familiar with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divert myself from doing the activity by buying into my frustrations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my resistances to the activity to create the frustrated character so that I do not have to engage in the activity and get the job done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself when doing a specific activity where I end up frustrated because I have habituated myself to escape the activity by giving into frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that all it takes for me is to make a decision when I experience frustration coming on, and in that I make a decision to not allow the frustration to manifest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that frustration is a choice just like enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can enjoy myself no matter what activity I do because enjoyment is not dependent on the activity but on me as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience contractions of my organs when I am frustrated and furthermore experience myself generally feeling unwell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with agitation and unrest when I experience myself as the frustrated character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have self-defeating backchat when I am the frustrated character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I am not understanding anything about the situation that I am involved in, and that I get stuck in the activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with wanting to move around the room.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as emotionally "down" when I am enacting the 'frustrated' character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the consequence is indeed that I fuck up the situation and activity and must repeat it all over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the consequence is that I wasted my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the consequence is to experience more of the energetically charged roller-coaster through the emotions that are being evoked by me as the frustration character.

I commit myself to stop entering into a frustrated state of existing no matter what situation or activity I am involved in.

I commit myself -  if and when I realise my frustration I stop immediately and breathe deeply - then I stop what I am doing and do something else or go somewhere else to move myself out of the scene.

I commit myself to realise and understand that I have a choice in whether or not I want to live as this character, and that I easily can choose the way I want to proceed.

I commit myself to end this pattern of frustration by writing it out in self-honesty no matter how many times it takes.

I commit myself to stop my fears and realise that fears are illusions; they are not real only I in my mind make them real.

I commit myself to end all self-abuse where fear of loss or fear of self are examples of self-abusive behaviour.

I commit myself to become a living example of mindless living. 

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