Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Day 164, 2012 A realisation on how I disguised fear with the belief in "resistances" Pt.1

I discovered a pattern where I approached a situation from the point of #whatisbestforall by looking at what was in my world, or what is accessible to me in my world. Within that approach I realised that I did not want to deal with certain aspects of the situation. I then interpreted this behaviour as having resistances. In response to this understanding I pushed myself to get past the resistance.

My realisation entails that it was not #whatisbestofall when I looked at my world and I saw everything as equally accessible and valid. It was not so because in reality I did not make a decision about how I make use of what is here for me to access, because I did not make a decision about who I am within all this access available to me. The underlying point here is the split world syndrome (see interview) where our starting point is fear-based. So, for me that meant I did not recognise the fear and in response meandered about what I was willing to live and what not.


As I meandered, I could not know who I was within the points I was facing because I had not made a commitment about what it was that I was willing to live - that which is indeed #whatisbestforall. Hence, I covered up this fact, this failure to decide and then commit, by misinterpreting my relationship to the situation as 'resistance'.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that to "not make a decision" is supportive when I am assessing the world that I live in regarding a particular trajectory I am interested in, and when I need more information about this trajectory to have a complete understanding.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that to "not make a decision" for the above reasons is also a decision, and that this is already enough to first commit myself to one situation, and to then assess the reality I live in to do what needs to be done before making the next move.


I forgive myself that I have not recognised that fear underpins everything I do and that I first must assess what I am doing from this point, because I made hide from my own fear though manipulation where I am unable to see my own fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that self-trust means I can investigate my starting point and am one and equal to the process of investigation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that as soon as only one shred of hope is present, meaning I don't have the full picture of what is reality-based, what are the 100% guaranteed trajectories in my reality that I can follow up to the end and see a viable outcome, I am dealing with a fear-based situation and must stop immediately.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still have an attitude of "let's see what happens" within a given situation and in that I do not realise that I am subjecting myself to fear because I do not want to look into the matter further where I can say, in conclusion, that 1) or 2) or 3) ...etc can happen and I must make a choice to pursue the one that is most suitable for #whatisbestforall


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognise to leave "things" open to be revealed is only going half way in my understanding what my reality, the reality I live in in physical terms is all about, and I leave myself in the unknown deliberately not because that part is unknown but because I have decided to not walk further to find out.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the thought "it must be a resistance" without figuring out what the resistance is about - and why that thought would be valid.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognise that fear, as the default human starting point, is bigger than me in the sense that I must look at it first and foremost, and to never underestimate what I will do out of fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always have a sense when something is chaotic, not clear, suppressed - and that I must learn to stop denying the existence of these blind spots and actively address them as points of investigation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fear is real and that I have no options but to exist in fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not routinely ask myself the question "where is my fear in this?".


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at my fears.


to be continued in the following post. 

0 comments:

Post a Comment

 
Copyright © . Is life possible without the mind? - Posts · Comments
Theme Template by BTDesigner · Powered by Blogger