Saturday, October 6, 2012

Day 162, 2012 You're in my space!


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the physical circumstances in which I currently live deter me from doing what I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is more difficult to direct myself in this manner than when I can close the door behind me and I can be alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I must pay attention to my partner at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient with the situation instead of steadily working towards a solution because I know what the solution entails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a memory when being in Asia and admiring how people where able to function even though they were constantly surrounded by another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that space, movement, people, and time are also cultural components, and thus I have been trained to perceive myself in a manner that is accepted and allowed within my cultural heritage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define serenity, calmness, and tolerance within the memory of my visits to Asia where I encountered people constantly surrounded by other people and able to co-exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that serenity, calmness, and tolerance are here equal and one as me in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a right to have my own space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to have an "idea" of how things should be in terms of space, movement, people and time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to believe that the quality of the space around me matters in how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place conditions on the space around me, as I place conditions onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I exist outside of myself if who is in the space around me influences what I do with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself with absolute certainty and in that I start to waver and allow myself to be influenced by what happens in the space around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as frustrated and disappointed when I perceive the space around me as becoming occupied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others by needing to have space on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react by suppressing my discontent when I am being disturbed in my space and to go on pretending everything is alright.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this causes consequences that affect my life and what happens and does not happen in my life, when I do not get my stuff done, because I compromise myself through sharing the space around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate situations where I am no longer by myself and in this I cause myself stress and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be melancholic about the years where I lived alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that I can experience the feeling of living alone again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as feeling "whole" when I lived by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape into the memory of living alone instead of staying here with all that is here and facing myself within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that how I experience myself is only up to me and no one else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can function as I do in any space and if anything changes, as and when the space around me changes - is an indication of a "mindset".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that how I am moving in space when my space is shared has to do with self-trust.

I realise that the way I am living now is showing me where I must work on being here as myself, where my Self is equal and one to my surrounding and if this is not so then I must understand where the fragments of my Self have gone and why.

I commit myself to walk this point of space, movement, people, time - around me - until it's done.

I commit myself to become equal and one to any space I am in, with anyone who is with me, at any time.

I commit myself to direct myself in any space, with anyone, at any time.

I commit myself to support myself at all times.

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