Friday, October 5, 2012

Day 161, 2012 Divided in writing, I stop Pt.4


This is the continuation from the previous post. Here I focus on the reaction, physical dimension, and consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have created reactions within my self where I slow my work down and become disinterested and disorganised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked for justifications why I am working the way I do and why I'd rather write about other topics - whereby I place value, in form of interest, on one type of writing and not on another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created resistances through which I end up wasting my time by not staying focussed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with dismissal and deny the situation instead of investigating how I can change my current approach to paper writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter into regret and view my choices regarding papers/writing/dissemination as not being entirely well informed but to have placed my ego before me and have gathered information through my ego and then made my choice - thus have not seen the reality for what it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with a sense of fatigue and needing specific times where I am in the "shape" for writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw a blank when I must organise my arguments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react by being overwhelmed when I must synthesise the entire literature review.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is normal for me to not like working on all parts of the paper equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anticipation of the various steps of writing being difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must labour to create a good paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squirm in my chair and no longer "know" how to sit comfortably when I want to escape writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a delay for others who are writing with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write better when I am writing with others, thus showing myself that I need motivation to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more concerned with my writing partner, when there is a change in the pattern of writing than with my own pattern.


I realise that I have trained myself in these reactions.

I realise that I have neglected myself within the process of writing.

I realise that the behaviour effects the outcome of my writing.

I commit myself to stop my reactions that indicate a fluctuation within my process of writing academically.

I commit myself to stop all differentiation between writing "for myself" and writing "for professional purposes" and thus I create an equal situation where in both instances I can express myself.

I commit myself to no longer accept writing for work as form of work but see it as any other activity I do.

I commit myself to immediately look at the situation when I slow myself down in my work and I no longer stay focussed. 

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