Monday, October 1, 2012

Day 157, 2012 Divided in writing, I stop Pt.1

I seem to labour in my academic writing.  This is quite in contrast with my non-academic writing. I enjoy writing when I do it as an expression, it comes up like water from a fountain. I have always enjoyed writing, I used to write poetry but I stopped because I realised that it was connected with energetic charges where my starting point was "a feeling" for the word(s). Now I focus on writing prose, I could write all day long if I had no other responsibilities.  Academic writing involves long hours to craft a paper. Yet I don't have the same ease writing nor do I enjoy the writing process as much as writing about my personal topics.



 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not writing in a good enough manner for an academic paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not mentioning the most relevant points that make a case for paper that I am currently writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see writing an academic paper as a large task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know why there is such a division within myself, concerning writing about what I want to write about, on the other hand, and writing an academic paper on the other, where I also write as myself as I see the most relevant points pertaining to my research.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the hardcore peer review because I have to be sure I preempt all conceptual 'edges' that piss reviewers off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not get involved with reviewing academic papers so that I can see better what to avoid, but instead judged the whole point of reviewing as typical academic non-sense and have therefore placed above academic paper reviews, in superiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other academics reading the paper and thus when I write I don't write for myself but for those who will read the paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as inferior when I write academic papers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not have all the necessary literature reviewed and that I might be missing a crucial research strand that will render my contribution insufficient and the paper will be rejected upon reviewing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that writing a paper takes too long and that I won't have the patience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing a research paper for myself because I fear I will let things slip more easily as when I write for an audience where I am more vigilant because I fear that the paper will be rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing the objective of the paper and therefore I hold myself back in writing.


to be continued tomorrow. 

0 comments:

Post a Comment

 
Copyright © . Is life possible without the mind? - Posts · Comments
Theme Template by BTDesigner · Powered by Blogger