Friday, September 28, 2012

Day 154, 2012 At the bottom of the trap


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust another instead of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in something that I believed I am able co-create not realising that through this belief I have trapped myself in this current situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given more than my share to something I placed my trust into instead of making decisions strictly based on what is beneficial to me in the first place - not in second place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have done what many women do when they make decisions in favor of another and in ‘good’ hopes that it will all work out and from this position live in delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I could go back in time and revise my decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the moment where I made the decision that brought me to my current situation because in that moment I chose to be ‘happy-go-lucky’ instead of cautious, deliberate and patient with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have created a situation for myself that has become increasingly difficult and has now reached an unbearable dimension, and I am the one who placed myself in this situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have kept all of what I lived through recently bottled up inside because I did not want anyone to know what was really going on, because I considered myself weak if I were to talk about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have kept the situation bottled up inside because I feared being the complainer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to "just" accept things and deal with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck myself over big time because I do do not trust myself and I searched for belonging, when the only belonging that can ever be real is the belonging to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create suffering for myself and in that I re-create my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself deeply upset because I see myself in a huge trap that I believe I can’t get out so easily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making another decision that causes me to trap myself further instead of supporting me to step out of my self-entrapment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that there is only me in this world, and that the world is full of me, and that only as me for me will I do the one thing that is the best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in deep emotional pain over what I have created for myself by making the decision that has placed me in my current situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to clear up the emotional state as quickly as possible so that I can make a decision that is not born from emotions - because I want to make decisions for myself so that I can feel better and thus not realising that any decision from this state would still be made from emotion.

I forgive myself that I have created and allowed myself to believe that I feel better once I get all my emotions out of my system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want to be relieved and end this state I find myself in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that mercy does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes think that this is all a bad dream and I am going to be waking up soon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that now I have the opportunity to make a better decision for myself and to create a way forward.

I commit myself to use this situation to become self-trusting.

I commit myself to realise that I can step out of this situation because I have created this situation for myself.

I commit myself to not look for quick fixes out and steadily work towards a solution for myself in the FIRST place.

I commit myself to stop falling into patterns of servitude and realise that I can only serve myself.

I commit myself to involve others, who are not components of my situation, so that nothing that happens within my current situation is covered up and hidden away because I want to protect the other.

I commit myself to stop creating abusive situations for myself.

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