Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Day 150, 2012 Winter, the difficult season.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself ready for winter because I believe that winter will cause me physical hardship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist within me that recalls winter being lots of fun in the snow, but to also associate winter time as being unbearably cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define "a price to pay" within the memory of me having fun in the snow but also feeling the cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist within of the many apartments that I lived in that were horrible to experience during the winter time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a memory where I suffer physically and am restricted in my movements because of the bad insulation of the many apartments I have lived in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist within me where my body is cold and uncomfortable and the world around me is gray and unpleasant.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sinking feeling at the end of each summer because I anticipate the properties of winter which I associate with physical hardship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a perception of winter where I dread the weather and the associate physical uncomfortable associations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself in a collective manner that cold, rain and snow are types of weather that bring about suffering and illness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that winter highlights the fact that we must spend money on warm clothing, and that cannot be done unless one has sufficient monetary funds to get warm clothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that winter requires more equipment and gear for the human, which can be as simple as buying electricity to stay warm but each one of these steps to a create comfortable living environment requires money. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for dreading winter, instead of investigating how I can be more effective in taking care of myself during the winter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my genetic makeup is not ideal for cold temperature because it is linked to southern countries where the weather does not get so cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a polarisation of sun = good and no sun = bad - in my perception of the climate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have programmed myself in regards to the dreading the winter because I can see in the pictures from my childhood that I had a lot of fun playing in the snow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in providing what I need for myself during the winter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy having my skin exposed to the sun, the water and wind - but to not enjoy having to wrap myself up into layers of clothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point as being trivial and in this I deny the emotions attached to the anticipation of winter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory exist within me where breathing was very painful during the cold weather - when I was asthmatic - and within that I have programmed myself to associate pain with cold climate even though I no longer have asthmatic experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created fear in relation to breathing and cold weather.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to live in a warm climate so I don't fear suffering from cold weather.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay close attention as to when the birds migrate because I see this as a warning sign that the weather will turn cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define survival and lack within the memories of winter and winter time.

I realise that winter is like any season with a set of properties that I judge according to my personal history, memories and limitations.

I realise that my physical discomfort during winter is a limitation that I can change by stopping the thoughts associated to the physical discomfort.

I commit myself to stop thoughts that I associate with being physically uncomfortable in cold climates.

I commit myself to stop anticipating the weather of winter by looking out for signs in the environment.

I commit myself to stop judging winter and look upon winter as any other season.

I commit myself to use common sense whenever I have to make decisions about an apartment where I look at the insulation of an apartment and the viability of keeping it warm.

I commit myself to bring about an Equal Money System where all are taken care of during winter, and at all times, and no one suffers because of material lack. 

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