Monday, September 17, 2012

Day 141, 2012 The preference character


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I do not have any preferences in where I live and what I do, when in reality, when push comes to shove and I am placed into the situation where I can live the words of 'no preference' I start to fret and worry and create anxiety within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a pattern exist within me where I do have preference about how I want to live my life, and where I am being dishonest when I say that I can go beyond my preferences, whereby I haven't understood yet, because I haven't done the self-forgiveness, what it means to let go of preferences and the encapsulated judgements of good and bad, right and wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have 'fought' myself internally because I did not want to accept that my preferences control me and in that I have not used the tools of self-forgiveness because I sabotaged myself as I have bought into the attachment of my preferences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having preferences is good for me and in that I believed my justifications why I need to hold on to my preferences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created confusion for myself by not being self-honest regarding my preferences, and allowing my mind to create future projections about how I would manage to live with a 'non-preference situation' and how I would make the best out of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to appear 'open for all possibilities' when in reality I have very specific ideas of what I want in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change my reality and to insist on these changes - to create my life according to my preferences and not according to what is here in my world at this time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that I used common sense in making decisions in my life but in this common sense have 'felt' bad because the result did not pan out to be a preference - and thus I endured the 'pain' - not realising that in such a scenario I cannot be of 'pure' common sense - and thus have manipulated myself into believing that if I 'oppose' my preferences then I am speaking common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that my preferences are really desires/wants/needs that are attached to the picture I have of myself and that unless I can let go of the picture I can never truly change myself to be here and direct myself in the world as physical being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in anger because I still believe the thoughts that seek to justify my preferences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must experience loss if I were to let go of my preferences and have therefore created anxiety and worry when being faced with situations where I must let go of my preferences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself because I exist in separation from what is here via the preferences I carry around as me.

I realise that I first must decipher what is a preference and what is common sense.

I realise that I must write out all my preferences whenever I have to make a decision in common sense to see and realise what it is that I am holding on to and to see if my concerns are real or attachments to the image I have of myself.

I commit myself to investigate my preferences and walk the point of letting go of them until it's done.

I commit myself to stop the excuses and look at what is here for real and decipher what is the best approach to move forward.

I commit myself to stop suppressing my preferences and pretend that I do not have preference and thus create energetic charges and worries inside of myself.

I commit myself to consider all who are affected by my decisions and discuss all possibilities and work towards a solution, while breathing through any resistances that may come up.

I commit myself to realise that preference at this stage of my process are always of the mind and not of the physical body.

I commit myself to not use any control in this, and make changes with consideration of myself and others.

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