Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Day 136, 2012 No longer limping myself into reality - the beginning of 'doing' support

Artwork David Tyler Duncan
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conveniently overlook the 'doing' of my process, but have instead given my attention/effort/willingness to my writing of self-honest self-communication, which is what I enjoy - and within that I have deliberately skewed my perception of actually implementing my 'doing' with the same enjoyment and the resulting effort/attention/willingness to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that to enjoy the different parts of my process is a decision I have to make just like the decision to have sex, and when I make that decision and stand one and equal to the enjoyment that I want to bring to myself then what results is effort/attention/willingness and not the other way around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately, when I realise that my perception of something is skewed, stop myself which I know for fact because I see it as latent point, like peripheral vision - something that escapes be because I let it escape from my main focus of attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know that I am letting myself 'off the hook' when it comes to implementation of what I am 'doing' in relation to my writing because I see that I approach the implementation of my writing much more randomly and not as deliberate as I approach my writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that why the writing is fluent and agreeable with me is that I am writing in a group, that I can read other's writing - and so it becomes a "me too" character: I want to be part of this flow of people tapping on their keyboards, having realisations and actively changing themselves - whereby I do not realise that the changing part comes with the walking and that is something that each one does on their own, in their own body, with their own footprints on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "just" focus on breathing, and remind myself whenever I can, yet in my writing I take a point much more seriously where I actually say that I will walk this point in all dimensions by writing about it - and so in my daily applications where I also walk time slots or a form of physical dimensionality, for example: morning, midday, afternoon, evening, night - I do not look at how I can be more effective in my breathing and walking of my points in these time dimensions, not from the perspective of separation but from the perspective of creating self-intimacy because I 'do' different things in these time slots and am able to allow myself attention and focus on my activities within, and thus see how I can better support myself to 'do' my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have left myself in the dark within the walking of my physical reality not understanding that physicality is indeed also communication but not restricted to it: it is also me as the body in time-space that moves through the day and into a number of different activities, where I do not necessarily talk much but I direct myself within the activity and that is something I can address deliberately through implementing the 'doing'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered the implementation of my process into the physical in real terms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have allowed myself to be overwhelmed by my physical world, and looked upon my writing as the abode where I could release being overwhelmed by the amount of different tasks and activities I am faced with, whereby I understand that this is the "I give up" character that I allow myself to exist as - yet not taking the reigns into my hands and making order in my task and activities by considering the implementation of the points that I am walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have existed in separation between the abode that is my writing, and the chaotic reality that I 'do' where I just want to get it all done, and thus having placed my focus on the external world, where matters are dealt with based on the decision of what has to be done in the world - and therefore I see the world, me and my process, me and my writing, as separate entities without being aware of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I am my world - that there isn't something/someone else out there and that the things that seemingly 'happen' or 'don't 'happen' in my life are not done by the something/someone else but me not knowing/understanding how I create myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have admitted to myself that I fear all of what is here because I believe ever so latently that all that is 'out there' is not here with me and in that I have perpetuated to see all that is 'out there' as different from me and have believed my judgement about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not seen the starting point in my neglected implementation of points that I walk in my self-forgiveness writings, which I know as soon as I get into the "commitment" sections where I am often not sure how to commit myself to the points that I am opening up.

I realise that this point of 'commitment turned into doing' I have written about but have never actually tackled this point in self-honesty even though I was aware of it.

I realise that it is up to me to create enjoyment in physical reality when implementing the points that I am walking in my writing.

I realise that I make a choice of seeing the world as 'out there' because I do not want to engage with all its parts and I do not want to engage with having to comply with all of its requirements for living in a society.

I realise that I make myself the centre of attention if I choose to and I have shown myself that when I do so walking my process is so much easier and comfortable and possible.


I commit myself to walk my process by balancing out the imbalances between writing and doing, where I put as much care and emphasis in my 'doing' as in my writing - and in that I create enjoyment of being in the world - no matter what circumstances I am creating/ time looping for myself.

I commit myself to investigate the hows of time-space in my life, meaning what I can do to support myself in physical terms, in real terms, in the daily activities as dimensionalities of living.

I commit myself to realise all fears in relation to the commitments that I am writing and look at the implementation of the commitments as a learning process, in that I take them just as serious as the writing of self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to be practical about writing the commitment statements, meaning that when I get to the commitment section in my blog and I do not know what to write, I reinvestigate the point in my writing and do this until I can write the commitment statements with the same fluency as I am writing the forgiveness statements.

I commit myself to tackle specific areas of my reality where I seem to be more easily stuck or where I conveniently overlook things and accept denial- and within that I do not create separation but acknowledge that some points are more difficult to release in the 'doing' of my world than other points.

I commit myself to move myself from the inside out, like a plant grows, from the seed upwards and onwards, and when I realise that I am involving myself in the physical from the outside in - I examine the point and walk it till it's done - not moving on before and not giving up on it.

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