Sunday, September 9, 2012

Day 133, 2012 I am the most important person to my self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have neglected, diminished, and reduced myself in favour of placing my attention and focus upon another person.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts, feelings and emotions come up into my mind that are always involving other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept that I am the most important person to my self, that my focus and awareness must stay with me all of the time and that this is the only way I can direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that directing my attention and focus onto someone else is an excuse for me to not look at myself, to not deal with myself - not realising that I cannot truly share myself with another because I am at all times in my own inverted world and that all "togetherness" I experience is due to my preprogrammed designs and my acceptances and allowances - and so I believe the delusion of sharing when in reality I have given up on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that 'only' focusing on myself is immoral and within that I do not realise that this is a belief which supports the matrix because unless people start to focus on themselves and understand that changing the world is through self change - the system will remain as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that focussing on myself is a form of separation not realising that placing the focus outside of myself is in the fact the separation because then I deny myself self-intimacy and the grasp of my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create excuses for myself as to why I need to focus on someone else and within these excuses I firmly believe that I do not have options.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become the self-diminishing character and have traded close social interaction for making less of myself so that I create a secure position within relating to the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have diminished myself where I no longer see what I need to do for myself because I have neglected myself to the point of having become unrecognisable to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up on myself because I allowed and accepted that what women do is to care for another - and in that I have repeated exactly what my mother has done in her intimate interactions with my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used hope to suppress myself where I projected a point in the future where I believed that things will be better instead of realising that I used hope to blind myself to the present moment and what was going on in my life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always feared this situation and now I have created it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being trapped within an intimate relationship where I become less than the relationship because I have automated myself to displace my self in focussing on the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become fearful of doing things that I used to do without any problems, and that since I have placed my focus and awareness into another these things have become difficult to do because I experience resistance when I do them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have neglected my self across all aspects of myself, including my body and my interests and in that I have shown myself how I have given up on myself, where I have traded myself 'in' for being close with another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have put my efforts into teaching another what I have learned from my life instead of actively forming and shaping the new chapter of my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have realised this already a while back but was to fearful of the consequences and did not have a real solution at hand - hoping that I could make it work without too much change to my current situation.

I commit myself to stop all outside focus at once and focus on me and my life and how I can direct myself.

I commit myself to rectify what I have created by doing what needs to be done and stop my fears in this process of taking responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to stop diminishing myself and stop all excuses and beliefs why I can't focus on myself.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that all are alone together in this life and that sharing is to be an equal here in every moment.

I commit myself to stop denying myself self-intimacy and see, realise and understand that to see into me takes focus and awareness.

I commit myself to stop my fear and look at all my resistances related to intimacy with another.  

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