Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Day 131, 2012 The resigned character or loss of control

Artwork Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resigned myself about the things that I believe I can’t change, and by believing that I need to accept things the way they are I do not realise that the resigned character is a character I adapt because I do not want to take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I choose to be the resigned character and that in effect in my choice I decide to act in self-interest because if I choose to accept things the way they are where I accept the evil that is the human, without considering my impact on all that is life - and in that I demonstrate the evil nature of me as the human who dwells on powerlessness to protect self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory inside myself and hold on to the memory inside of me, that is of my mother acting as the resigned character, and me the young girl, asking her to change while she insists on being resigned. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define reality and tradition within the resigned character, within the memory of my mother acting as the resigned character, and me the young girl asking her to change while she insists on being resigned. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from reality and tradition by defining reality and tradition within the memory of my mother acting as the resigned character, and me the young girl asking her to change while she insists on being resigned. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself recall that reacting in anger to my mother as the resigned character because I wanted her to go out to the world and change things for herself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the resigned character is about letting go of control because the character perceives loss of control and  wants to come to terms within that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the resigned character has taken over from the control-freak character who has taken on a position predicated on separation by seemingly taking responsibility - whereby the resigned  character reacts to the control-freak character, the imposed control, in response to a situation that does not seem to work out -  the resigned character steps in to ‘release’ the control-freak character from the position. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognise that taking responsibility is simply being here and doing what needs to be done, like a weed growing out of the side walk - it just keeps on going until the job is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the resigned character can only exist if there is a control-freak character who steps up to the position, and creates within this act an energy charge that builds up in the course of wanting to control a situation and that is then released through the resigned character. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the resigned character is there to catch the suppressed emotions from the control-freak character. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that whenever I expect results in any manner then I am controlling the situation because I will shape all that is there to shape so that it fits my expectation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a cultural image of the resigned character exist within me which is attributed that wrong doing/deception/ as the cause and to morally put everything into its ‘rightful’ place the resigned character comes into ‘play’. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise the resigned character resigns from a place of power and thus I have equated control with power. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have been imposing control on my reality and convinced myself that I was taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the death of my mind. 


I commit myself to stop all control taking endeavours by realising that all attachments of my past and future are evoking the need for control.

I commit myself to stop the energy charge that builds up with pinned up emotions as result of acting as the control character. 

I commit myself to stop all believes that we can resign from being here and see, understand and realise that looking for options out is yet another character.

I commit myself to stop all separation through stopping all characters such as the control-freak and the resigned character. 

I commit myself to investigate myself where I do not take responsibility but instead create characters. 

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