Sunday, September 16, 2012

Day 139, 2012 How do I do it? Awareness



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have been aware of the design of my thoughts and have only seen them as a nuisance - a nuisance that I must stop my participation within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised the connection between ego-thought-doing and ego-thought-reacting - whereby I realise that my ego motivates me to doing a certain act/participation in my reality were I expect the act to have a certain outcome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the outcome I expect always exists in polarisation where I either get what I want or do not get what I want - and this triggers feelings, emotions and more thoughts and reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the thought designs come in a variety of versions as I have never really analysed the way thoughts exist in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised that thoughts are not on earth-time, that thoughts do not have a process time other than the construction of myself as programs over time, and in that I have not realised the quantum time involved in thinking and the disconnect to physical reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have current reality thoughts exist within me, where I am responding and reacting to any changes I perceive in my reality- and in this I allow myself to create diversions from Self - instead of understanding that I do not have to respond to any picture I see and/or any sound I hear where I simply stay as Self here and do not go onto a mental journey where I allow my mind to attach to the content of the picture and start spinning webs of thoughts that exist through energy derived from judgement and comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have projection thoughts as me, that I allow as a manner of constructing my future in my mind, and again build expectations about who and what I will be in the future, which is always and forever in relation to the past - to the programs I have accepted to exist as, and thus I must realise within that that my future conceived in this manner is made of walls of entrapment and any belief that my future will unfold as I project it is delusional because all thoughts are referenced in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have jumping thoughts exist within me that are resonant 'connectors' between different thought networks where a particular resonance activates thought constructs that are seemingly unrelated - thus I have created resonances as starting point jumping thought patterns - and these have patterned my behaviour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have silent thoughts exist within me which are the secret commentary about what I experience in my life - whereby this experience is an energetic construct that is build up through engagement via believing the thoughts/voices within me - and consequently construct further-reaching beliefs and opinions about the theme/topic of the thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conversational thoughts exist in my mind where I actually and in fact follow a conversational manipulation of my self through a 'call and response' mechanism - which I use to determine my reality, and to program myself in my participation in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have word-thoughts exist within me that are words that I energetically charged and use these words to manipulate and sabotage my world around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted sound-thoughts as me, when things in my reality are 'too much for me to handle' - as I experience myself in this moment - the sound thought is an experience of relief from the build up of overwhelming energy charges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as blank thoughts, where I use the blank thought to protect the mind-consciousness system and avoid showing to myself the reality of my programming and shut down the possibility of self-change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the racing thoughts of my mind, where I enter deeply into a specific energy reaction so that I eventually become possessed by the thought - and in that I create a cycle of repetition where I get stuck in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself through personality thoughts which are thoughts that I allow to exist within me as my ego self-definition - definitions that correspond of the picture that I have of myself where I use the personality thoughts to confirm the picture to limit myself to a personality, which is a polarised construct of all that I have defined as good/positive/right and bad/negative/wrong in my database that is my mind.

I realise that awareness is the key for me stop my mind and that this awareness must be addressed from many perspectives in terms of making myself 'see' who and what I have allowed myself to exist as.

I commit myself to create clarity within myself to identify these thought designs and make this the first point of awareness.

I commit myself to in self-honesty investigate each thought design to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as - at the same time I stop my participation in these thoughts.

I commit myself to briefly assess a situation where I am about to act to just realise what kinds of thoughts are influencing me to act in the moment - and in this I allow myself to see my motivations to which I can respond in self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to live in awareness of my Self and in that I stop creating memories of my perception that I store in my mind's database.

I commit myself to forgive my memories through the creation of mind constructs - in this I commit myself to create a continuous stream of mind constructs in written form so that I can see, realise and understand the pattern/personality I exist as and apply self-forgiveness and self corrective application accordingly.

I commit myself to approach the stopping of my mind and thus the participation in my thoughts that create the patterned behaviour as me with the same mathematical precision as the programs that I have allowed and accepted to create myself.

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