Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Day 126, 2012 No, not again - I like it here!

Artwork Kelly Posey

I have recently moved from a small town to a bigger town within the same country. I am now faced with potentially having to move countries - again. I experience myself with resistance, because I like where I live now, and because I have moved so much in my life. Each time I moved it was for a job, or to upgrade my education, and this time is no different. In the previous cases, I was often content to be able to leave again because I was running away from myself, which is something I came to realise. I was running away from my past, my parents, the country I grew up in - but mainly I was running from wanting to see who I had become.

Now I am ready to face myself, and I want to stay put to do so. So I say. But what is this resistance really?

Physical experience:
-contraction in stomach region
-fiddling around in my chair, as if wanting to get up
-sweating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create contractions in my stomach region when a thought comes up about having to move again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself with nervous movements, in an agitated state, while sitting at my desk and dealing with the possibility of having to move again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to break out in sweat because I create anxiety within myself when anticipating that I have to move again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in anxiety of the prospect of having to move again and starting over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'starting over again' within moving house and country.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the ordeal of moving myself and my stuff to another country.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that moving myself and my stuff is an ordeal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ready to face myself and thus I do not have to move to another place/country.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing myself is tied to living somewhere specific, and that I must be comfortable as to where I live, to be able to face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the "I give up" character as I resist opportunities that come my way because I fear having to move house again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to move house again because I want to feel settled somewhere and moving house makes me feel unsettled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that moving house needs to affect me emotionally, where I experience myself in fatigue and the potential stress involved in having to move again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preference where I live in the world because I experience myself as more at ease in one country versus another and because I believe that one country versus another is better organised, more efficient and more practical for my needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that moving my belongings is a burden, because I have to prepare everything for the move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in the desire to speak one language versus another language, and add that to the reason why I don't want to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the world in terms of nations, countries, cultures, mentalities - not realising that these are mental formations, that we, humanity, have put in place, to demarcate our separation in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear moving again because all my routines will go astray and I have to put them back into place again - not realising that routines are habits that I have created to experience myself as stable and secure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself while moving again and getting used to a new environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear about moving again, because I fear wasting time, and to do things that I believe are more important for my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the anticipation character who anticipates an upcoming move even though this is an unsubstantiated future projection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't get to my long-standing projects because I will have to move again, where other things take priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that moving is simply a transposing of my physical existence from one place to another and that I am anyway constantly moving through animating my body (consciously or unconsciously) in the world which reiterates the fact that moving house is not more than that and all else I perceive as part of moving is an attribute of my mind.

I commit myself to release all anticipation about moving house, and see, understand, and realise that moving is only one thing, which is relocating myself somewhere else.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that any perception of being settled or unsettled in emotional terms is utilising the situation to create energetic charges.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that facing myself is something I do in every moment of breath, while here on earth, and that the physical location to face myself is irrelevant to the process of facing myself.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that tasks involved in moving and setting myself up somewhere else are not any special or different than any other tasks and that it is who I am in those tasks that is of significance to my process of breathing and walking out of my mind.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I have all the skills to make moving as easy as possible and that how I experience myself - if I were to move again - is entirely up to me. 


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