Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Day 121, 2012 Desire, or give me a reason to manipulate.

The manipulation character is the character I use to deceive the world around me to get what I want. These 'wants' can be petty little things (e.g. recognition from others) or they can be bigger things (e.g. more money in a job) - I have noticed that it is the petty little things that are more difficult to release because with the bigger things some planning and scheming is involved and it is easier to become aware of what I am doing, and thus to stop myself.

The point, though, is to catch my Self in the my daily application because as we all know god/devil is in the details: meaning the unit of application is breath-by-breath and that is the smallest building block in recreating myself. Thus, today I will write self-forgiveness statements that address these little points of manipulation because they are the links to my desires and it's the desires that constitute the picture I have of myself which is where I focus to dismantle my programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in the world from the starting point of manipulation because I desire to keep my self-defintions by increasing the attributes of the picture that I believe to be, which I have created through memories that I saved in my mind, inside the database that is me, and that I use to interpret the world around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself in the course of my manipulations, knowing very well, that I am about to manipulate others in my world through the words I speak or write, but instead I go ahead and execute the manipulative act and subsequently wish, or hope, that it worked and that I get back what I desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with disappointment and anger if I do not get what I desire through my little manipulative acts and in that I create energetic charges which keep me trapped in mind space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the picture that I see myself as instead of standing here in breath - at all times- expressing myself regardless of who and what is listening or watching me - just me as I am a living body in space, and by expressing myself as Self I realise that I do not need to reflect my expression back to myself through others, to validate myself, but instead I understand and realise that when I express my Self, I do so as part of the movement that is life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is a reason for me to be manipulative because if I am not I will be disadvantaged in some unfathomable manner that I am not even aware of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate because I fear not surviving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate because I project myself into the future - believing that with manipulation I can create a better future for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that all manipulation is self-directed, so that in fact I am manipulating myself when I engage in little acts of manipulation, and thus have missed an opportunity to stay here in breath and be with me in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the outcome of a manipulative act can be to my advantage not realising that I set myself up for deception, together with others, and that whatever I create as a result will be based on manipulation, it has therefore the potential to cause conflict, anger, anxiety and failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when I manipulate my world around me to get what I want, I want to be more than what I am - and because I am not more than I am, I create worries and anxiety because I fear failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the premise of manipulation is self-judgement and because I judge myself to create desire to be more than what my judgements tells me that I am - I re-engage in the cyclic loop of desires and wanting to fulfil the desires - consistently running away from me as Self here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the time I spend in manipulative acts is time I take away from me, as living body in space, because I do realise that my time on earth is limited as physical body, where I have committed myself to give myself 100% to the process of stopping myself as robotic human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must hold onto to manipulation to some degree because I fear the system and believe that manipulation is a safety mechanism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself, others and the environment through manipulation where I reduce myself, others and the environment to not more but a energy resource.

I commit myself to stop all fears that lead me to compensate for being afraid through manipulation.

I commit myself to stop the desire that I have placed into the picture of myself and thus have no need to manipulate the world around me based on the fulfilment of my desires.

I commit myself to observe myself and train myself to stop myself while in the act of manipulating my environment.

I commit myself to stop future projections and fears of survival because I realise that these are fears purely of the mind and disconnected from the physical reality I live in.

I commit myself to stop my mind by apply myself breath-by-breath. 

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