Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Day 120, 2012 Stop protecting the past and shatter the mirror of reflection

In this post I am forgiving myself to exist as perceptual character. It is the first filter I have created that links my past, in form of saved images as memories, to the interpretations I apply to all that I perceive around me, including people, their words, gestures and behaviours, as well as all the types of physical environments I enter (e.g. corporate building versus a forest). I realise that as long as I protect my past, by holding onto the definitions I have given to these saved images/words, and thus the categories of polarisation good/right/positive and bad/wrong/negative - therefore I am at all times existing in separation with the world and the people in my world.  I 'use' my past to place it between myself and others because it is my past that determines my interpretations of the person/environment. In realising that this is a separation on one the hand, I realise furthermore that it is reflection of myself on the other, because I am applying my interpretation of what I perceive - the protection mechanism I have installed to guard my past and thus my self definitions - I am displaying to myself the limitations that I am in the very act of my behaviour towards others and the world, reflecting myself back to myself through my 'output'

This is a continuation of my posts: Day 107 and Day 108
For more context on the perceptual character read the post of the earthsjourneytolife blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to have automated myself in responding to my environment through the construction of filters which I use to interpret all that I perceive in the world and subsequently categorise into binary code of -/+.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continuously construct myself on the basis of my first memories that I have used to launch an automatic coding procedure to categorise my world into binary code of -/+, with an ongoing adding function of images as memories, and have created for myself a database of memories that has become me, as I use this database to interpret reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never ever really seeing things for what they are. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even dislike myself for having to interpret the world around me but have not realised that I am the one who has actively participated in saving images,  to create a past, a database of memories, that protects my limitations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abused myself by creating a database of memories, which has over the years presented a heavy 'weight' on myself, not realising that I can take responsibility, and lift myself off this database by stopping to draw on it in my perception of the world; by stopping to define myself according to the images saved in the database and deleting the links to the picture I have of myself and the desires I place into the world of myself - and by stopping to collect new images by saving memories into the database so that it grows. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that my reactions to others are my own design based on my memories, where they link to the database and that if I do not react because I do not interpret what I see through the database - I can stop feelings, emotions and thought. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have classes of images, saved as memories in my database, which I have accepted through the inheritance function: where I have programmed myself to interpret my world based on how my parents have programmed to interpret their world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have never realised that in consumer society the personal interpretation of reality is exploited for money: it is perpetuated through the concept of branding, where a business creates a brand that is then marketed according to a set of images, including their logo, and that as a consumer we come to decide whether we like/dislike this brand dependent on our own interpretation - where what the brand represents correlates with our database of memories, in how we have branded ourselves. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that every negative judgement I hold onto towards another is holding a crutch against someone because once I have created the memory and locked it into the database, all my interactions with the other person are determined by my initial interpretation of the memory which has in actuality nothing to do with the person him or herself but only to do with the basic layout of my database of memories. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the perception of my own situation any given time in the world is based on this database of memories and by quitting the database I quit anxiety, worry, fear, anger and embarrassment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that power I have as creator because I have so thoroughly convinced myself that my reality is really the way I perceive it when it is entirely constructed by how I have encoded the images I have lived as memories into the database I use to interpret my world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never realised nor understood that this starting point of all my actions and behaviours is based on how I interpret my reality and that my motivations are confined by my interpretations.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised that my reality are the slots in my database of memories that are labelled 'like/dislike' and that I navigate my life to try to stay within the slots of 'like' thus illustrating to myself that the way I live my life is like a game - and that we all play our personal game based on the coding of the memories into likes/dislikes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that when I fear entering a new situations it is because I don't know how to use my filters that interpret my reality - just yet, and thus I fear in anticipation - and that this is comparable to me navigating a car not seeing the road, where I illustrate myself to myself that my database of saved images is the roadmap of my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a roadmap and because I fear not knowing who I am through interpretations, I keep holding onto the database of memories that I allow myself to exist as. 

I commit myself to stop creating memories of people, places, interactions, situations, environments, and by doing so I create the first step of halting the growth of the database of my memories. 

I commit myself to stop interpretations as they come up in form of thoughts, feelings and emotions, and as they come up I actively look for the memory so that I can delete the memory through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and thus start demolish the database of memories. 

I commit myself to stop all fears of executing the previous two commitment statements - as I realise that at the bottom of my mind lies fear. 

I commit myself to support other in doing the same by applying myself daily in contribution to #teamdesteni.


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