Monday, August 20, 2012

Day 119, 2012 Shortcuts as resistance, the failing duo of characters "I give up" and "It'll work out"

In this post I am forgiving the point of having 'walked a time line of steps' that need to happen to bring a project to successful and smooth completion - steps that must be done over time within the physical environment where every step must be concluded before moving on to the next step. I have noticed that there are pockets of resistances where the plan, or the walked time line, gets thrown off and consequently this throws of all other steps and creates an unpredictable situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself 100% to translating the conclusion of all the steps that I have laid out by walking a time line, in their detail, but instead give into resistances that create an unpredictable situation that then must be coped with on the fly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring the steps, as I know them to be, to their conclusion so that there is a match between what I know must happen for the sequence of steps to flow into each other, but instead I give into the resistance of having to create the match because I believe the thought that "it is too difficult".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the "I give up" character take over in creating my life - in the context of projects, where I 'give energy' to my resistances - where these resistances slide by seemingly unnoticed and only in hindsight when it is too late and I must deal with the consequences I am aware of the underlying cause in creating these consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not being firm with myself, and thus firm with others in my environment, when I know for fact what needs to happen in walking a time line of a project - and by not being firm and sticking to what I have realised must happen for all steps to work out smoothly - I create disruption, anxiety, and fear in my life through unnecessary consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing of shortcuts in the physical world, instead of realising that shortcuts can only be of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that shortcuts in the mind are skipping steps in physical reality, whereby shortcuts in the physical world are about creating points of efficiency.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that all is in reverse and that when creating a match between a plan - a walked timeline - and the implementation of the plan, the plan must be measured in physical reality only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I must differentiate between what my mind 'tells' me what must happen, and what I can 'see' that must happen when actually laying out the steps.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that counting/trusting for physical reality to just work out by allowing the optimist character to tell me "it will work out", I give up responsibility and hide in optimism from my resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when I walk the time line of a project I must home in on my resistances because if I don't than I will create consequences accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that practicality is directly linked to taking responsibility because practicality is of the physical reality I live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the time and at all times walk all the steps of a project in their time line but rather create ambiguity in how I implement the project - where the 'how' remains hazy and thus I have no clear objective which indicates a lack of commitment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of my father gesturing, telling me "it's going to work out" when dealing with a task, without realising that my father actually had it worked out step-by-step for himself, but did not communicate these steps to me when I asked him, and me not realising that there are real steps to be worked out - I have programmed myself to believe that I when I intend for the steps to work out then they will work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise the actual content of this memory with my father telling me not to worry that things will work out, is how I have programmed myself by believing someone else' words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in anger when realising the full extend of the memory of my father gesturing to me and telling me not to worry it will work out, when instead I realise that I could have taken responsibility and worked out the steps for myself, but instead I stopped myself short in what I did not understand, and 'just' believed what my father said, therefore abdicating my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself in anger because I acted in self-dishonesty and then blamed my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise the program I have accepted and allowed myself to be: on the one hand, rushing myself as my mother used to rush me and creating the anxiety character, and on the other hand creating the optimist character by believing my father's words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise the importance for any project to succeed is walking the time line first, and thus taking the time to do so - to create clarity in how I apply myself in physical reality.

I realise that whenever I engage in a project I must first walk the time line where I, in self-honesty, look at all the steps involved and then notice where I can sense resistances.

I realise that I must take note of these resistances and apply self-forgiveness to them so that I clear the path for the project to run smoothly.

I realise that any and all shortcuts in form of thoughts are futile and useless, and I must recognise them for that - thus I must be aware whether I am believing my mind when laying out the steps of the project's time line.

I commit myself to apply myself in creating first a 'workable' time line in all of my projects before I even start implementing the project.

I commit myself to apply myself in this manner when working alone or with others.

I commit myself to stick to this 'workable' time line and make adjustments if need be but not diverge from the steps as I have planned them out.

I commit myself to not make myself dependent on others through belief or assumptions when working on a project but to lay it out for myself, as far as I can go - and elicit from those I collaborate with commitments of their contributions, in from of stepping through the project.

I commit myself stop all emotions/feelings/thoughts/backchats around a project because I realise that these are the points which prevent me from creating a stable approach to any project. 


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