Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Day 112, 2012 The 'Hope-Believer' character: hope as an obstacle to love



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that hope will solve my problems even though I know that hope can’t do shit in this world - and so I have stood by and have done nothing to make this world a better place for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived in the dichotomy of experiencing myself in self-pity and negativity and, at the same time, positivity and excitement because I hope for something to happen that saves me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lull myself into hope and deny that I am secretly hoping, but have refused to look at my actions and to measure myself realistically in what I do in the world, and see whether or not I was deluding myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the cycle is always the same where I, once I wake up from being asleep in hope, have a sense of urgency and want to make up for what I have missed, fearing that I have missed many opportunities in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret missing opportunities in my life instead using my newly gained understanding as pointers to act in the physical world, and rectify myself so that I move the point which led to the missed opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse hope to continue to exist in fear. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that love, the act of love - is in first place the act of love towards myself by recognising that I am a physical being - not a mental being - and that me as a physical being is the total physicality of all of existence, which includes all beings and biological materials - in fact all that is here - and that if I recognise myself as loving physicality, I recognise all else as me and thus to take care of me is to take care of all that is here in physical self-movement. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that the act of love is a physical movement from a physical being to bring all physicality to the same equal point and that only through physical engagement can this become so - not realising that all hope is the destruction of physicality because hope is inertia, inactivity - it is inconclusive, and by being a non-participant through hoping I am the active component of destruction and abuse in this world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into a single thought of hope because I believed that the comfort hope presents to me is real, not realising that this is what we live daily when we try to create comfort through consumerism - where the world we have created through this consumerism is now consuming itself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use negativity to slow myself down in physical participation - not in breathing here but in acting here -  whereby I realise that only through holding onto hope I am able to justify my negativity instead of looking at who I am in every moment of my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory within me of my father telling me: surely, it will all work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of my father telling me: surely, it will all work out. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define confidence, hope, and expectation, within the memory of my father telling me: surely, it will all work out. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from confidence, expectation, and hope, through defining confidence, expectation, and hope within the memory of my father telling me: surely, it will all work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that confidence, hope and expectation is here as me in every breath equal and one. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have coined phrases that express and glorify inertia and inactivity such as “we’ll wait and see”, “good luck”, “what can go wrong”, “once in a while you have to take a risk”, “I do what I can...”, “gosh, I have tried so hard...”, “just keep a positive attitude to pull you through” "tomorrow is another day..."- and not realise that all of these phrases are based on hope and not love (as laid out above). 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that all political parties are the physical evidence of hope because so many people stuck inertia and inactivity have through their non-participation created a world that is continuously spiralling downward into oblivion - showing us that hope exists in our individual lives and collectively and that relying on hope creates havoc in the world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that when I was a light worker I dismissed anyone who would question hope therefore not giving my Self the opportunity to investigate my beliefs even when others supported me by questioning: what can hope do for the world? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my Self not doing what needs to be done, instead of denying that hope is real, even though I know that only by doing I harvest results in the physical world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that hope is a companion of future projection, and even though I have lived long enough to know for fact that the future never works out as I anticipate it, I still ascertain hopeful thought. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself with hope, and creating cycles of time loops - not realising to love myself is to love all that is here equally and thus this means I move myself in this world without thought. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others by giving them hope, instead of communicating as clear as I know the issue to be. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that my relationships will last, or that my relationships function instead of acting from the starting point of creating a physical communality between the people/ my relations, so that I do not have to sail in the 'ship of hope' and wonder why it sinks in the end. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can close the separation of myself with other people by showing in clear physical terms, through my action that I live my life in the physical, and that I understand what it means to be and act as one. 

I commit myself to stop all hope and future projection. 

I commit myself to focus soley on my actions in the world and measure myself - not from evaluation - in my effective participation in the world through looking at my daily achievements and by the moving forward of points, and tenaciously continuing to work on a point until that point has been transformed to no longer be a point - only then I move on. 

I commit myself to purify my language and end all statements of hope, uttered or in thought, and when I realise that I automatically create hope statements I stop myself, breathe, and speak self-forgiveness and continue to walk - until I have eradicated all hope from my life. 

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