Saturday, August 4, 2012

Day 108, 2012 First impressions: "I like this person/ I don't like this person" part 2


This post is a continuation from the previous post. My focus in on the first group of people in the business transaction I previously described. 
Backchat:
“Omg, they are so obnoxious” 
“I can’t believe there is 10 people of them - they must be clueless that they are ‘mopping’ us”
“I wish they would not speak so loud”
“They are so uptight, I bet they vote for [the most conservative and racist party]...”

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately when I meet new people that correspond to a specific pattern of behaviour: haughty talk, large gestures, and expressing themselves in ‘clichée’ phrases to communicate with me, go into a reaction of ‘dislike’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a database of memories that I have labelled as negative, and as a result I avoid contact with people who I identify to fit these negative labels. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that I meet on the premise of their behaviour as uncouth and expect them to be intolerant and narrow-minded in their views and judgements, not realising that as I am judging them, I am the one who is limited and trapped. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into immediate physical reaction as soon as I have completed the labelling of these newly encountered people where I experience myself as closing up and not wanting to engage unless I have to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep my communication to a minimum in that I answer questions in a terse manner, whereby I enjoy holding back information, because I imagine myself in a power position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to must experience myself in a superior position to easily maintain my conditions/demands/requests/requirements within the interaction with others instead of standing as an equal in breath. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that somewhere I can revenge all the subcultures on earth and all that has been done to them - where I do not grasp that this separation is a superficial distinction, and that this is just a matter of me looking for a scapegoat, so that I can blame others and not have to take responsibility for myself.  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in self-interest and satisfy my petty urge for revenge not realising that I am just as trapped as all of humanity and that holding on to my judgement and anger is continuing to be programmed by the one mind we all share. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in victimisation, when I compare myself to others who are considered typical middle-class, which I can see in my automated reactions of "what they have done to me in the past", a reaction I realise only comes to the surface when I meet new people who fit the image of the mainstream, or the typical middle-class. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in deferred self-pitty as I see within these automated reactions towards strangers. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself in the mindset of my former years, where I believed that anger, rebellion and dissatisfaction where enough to change the world. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that unless I clear these areas of automated reactions, as they become apparent, I will not change myself nor change the system we currently live in, and will continue to have a secret antagonistic stance towards my parents by holding on to the belief of having been abused due to my parents intolerance and conservatism.  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I am separating myself from others in spitefulness, where I am intolerant and blinded by my beliefs and memories - and I am the bully of life, not recognising that what I see in others is part of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to be attracted to society’s marginalised subcultures because I labelled and categorised the mainstream, middle-class culture as limiting, conservative and intolerant, and in doing so I looked towards the polar opposites to escape, which I found in marginalised subcultures.
I commit myself to investigate my beliefs that are triggered by haughty talk, large gestures, and speaking in ‘clichée’ phrase, which exist as indicators for me to react in automated anger.
I commit myself to push myself to stop judgement and backchat when I meet new people - I stop evaluating others and refrain from making a decision whether or not I like or dislike them. 
I commit myself to clear my starting point/expectation when I first meet new people. 
I commit myself to stop bullying life by committing myself to clear all beliefs, opinions and assumptions I have about other people. 
I commit myself to end all spitefulness and start with myself, and in that I commit myself to end all victimisation that I accept myself to exist as. 
I commit myself to expose myself to situations where I meet new people to test my reactions because I realise that I must break out of my habitual environment, and engage with people of all walks of life to expose my automated behaviours and forgive myself for having programmed myself in this manner. 

0 comments:

Post a Comment

 
Copyright © . Is life possible without the mind? - Posts · Comments
Theme Template by BTDesigner · Powered by Blogger